Tears of an Angel
by Twisted Illusions
Summary: James is going through a tough time. While returning home to Minnesota for the Summer he has a few demons to deal with. One being a sudden illness that seems to be wreaking havoc on his body. Another being his bi-polar father. Who can help him?
1. Chapter 1 Home Coming

_**Authors Note-**_**_ Please enjoy this story. I plan on making it pretty epic. This is the one story I have going that I'm excited about writing and finishing. I have a pretty good idea of what I'm going to write and I hope you all enjoy it! Warning, there will be violence, swearing, possible death. So just keep that in mind. This is only the first chapter, things will start picking up pretty quick, and I will be adding the second chapter very soon! (It's done, I'm just revising it a bit, and I always like to finish the following chapter before posting the previous one...if that makes sense? lol) Anywhoo, please, enjoy!_**

Chapter 1. Home Coming

The car pulled up the curb of the driveway. James opened the passenger side door, closing it softly behind him. He looked up at his house and smiled with a sigh.

"It's good to be home." Kendall's mom asked James if he needed any help bringing his bags into his house, he smiled sweetly and thanked her for her offer but denied.

"No thanks Mrs. Knight! I can handle them, I appreciate it though!" He called from the trunk area of the car, grabbing his luggage out of it.

"Alright," she called. "You still coming over tomorrow in the morning?" She asked.

"Yup, I'll see you and Kendall then!" James grabbed his final bag out of the trunk and slammed it close. He knew how tricky Mrs. Knights trunk could be. Sometimes it took a good two to three slams for it to finally latch, but he got it on his first try.

"You're good to go Mrs. Knight, thanks for dropping me off!" James waved goodbye to Kendall's mother and she smiled and waved back, shifting her car into drive and pulling out of the driveway.

James threw his jansport pack onto his back. He grabbed his two suitcases off the driveway and began his walk to his front door. He was nervous. He called his parents and informed them he would be coming home for the summer, he just didn't tell them how soon he would be returning. He knew his mother would be thrilled to see him, his father was another story. James reached the door, took a deep breath and knocked on the door. A few moments went by. _'Maybe they didn't hear me?'_ He thought to himself. Finally he rang the doorbell. A moment went by.

"Coming!" He finally heard his mothers voice call. A smile crept across James' face. He was so excited to see his mom. She was the one person who made James feel so loved and so comfortable. James had never been away from his mother for more than a week or two at a time, but it had been over a year since he last saw her beautiful face and he truly missed her. The front door opened, his mothers face greeting him. She looked at James' face and her eyes were beaming. Her jaw dropped and she immediately thrust her arms around her son.

"James, my baby! You're home!" James returned his mothers embrace. It had been so long, too long.

"Mom, I missed you so much!" He kissed her cheek and stifled a tear. He was overwhelmed with joy, but he refused to cry, he was a man now, after all.

"Steve!" His mother, Brooke, called to his father. "Steve, James is home!" Doctor Steven Bradley Diamond, James' father walked to his front porch with a warm smile on his face.

"Welcome home son!" He wrapped his arms around his wife and son for a long mutual hug. James loved his family, no matter what, he always would. But he was surprised by his fathers response. His father was always a critical man. Being a doctor, he was well liked in the community and had a reputation to hold. He loved his family, and James knew that. It's just sometimes his love was...tough. James' father suffers from Bipolar disorder. His moods were known to change from being fine, happy even, to twisting into anger in an instant. He never harmed James or his mother, but it was always scary to James when his father's mood swings would occur. He often times thought back to Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, as that seemed pretty close to his father.

His father released his family and took a step back, still smiling.

"Well, come in son! Let me help you with your things." James' father grabbed his two suitcases and his mother pulled him by his hand inside the house, closing the door behind them. James eyes wondered around his living room, everything was exactly as he had remembered. Clean and organized. They made their way through the living room, entering the dining room. His mother walked into the kitchen.

"James, sweetie, would you like something to eat or drink?" She asked kindly. He smiled back lovingly. He missed his moms cooking, he always told her she should be a chef.

"Thank you mom, but I'm fine." His father set James' bags down against the wall in the dining room.

"Well, son," He started. "Make yourself at home, it's good to have you back kiddo!" Steven Diamond smiled at his son once more, gently patting him on the shoulder before returning to his office to finish up some paperwork for the hospital.

James sat down at the dining room table and let out a light yawn.

"Tired, baby?" His mom asked lovingly. James wiped his eye lightly and nodded.

"A little," he started letting out another yawn. "All this traveling I guess, it was a three hour flight. I'm a little jet lagged." He gave his mother a half smile. She brought him a glass of water even though he said he didn't want one, his mother knew him better.

"Honey, I need to tell you something," She started, sitting across from him at the dining room table. James looked at his mothers face. She didn't look upset, so that was good, but whenever the 'we need to talk' line or anything similar was used, it usually meant trouble.

"What is it mom? Is something wrong?" He asked, a light hint of worry in his voice. His mother let out a small reassuring giggle.

"No sweetie," She began, pulling a loose strand of her brown hair behind her ear. "I just wanted to let you know that I'm going out of town. I know, you just got back, but, I didn't know you were coming home so soon." James took a sip of the water, at least he knew nothing bad happened.

"I'll be leaving tomorrow morning. I'm going to be gone for a couple of weeks, we have a new branch for the cosmetics line opening in Florida, and being a founder I have to go. I hope you don't mind, I would have rescheduled had I known you would be home." James set the glass of water down on one of the empty coasters on the glass table. He smiled warmly at his mother.

"It's okay mom, have fun on your trip, I'll miss you, but I'll still be here when you get back!" His mothers face grinned from ear to ear.

"Aw, alright sweetie." She kissed the top of his head. "Now go to bed, I'll be sure to wake you up to say goodbye before I leave in the morning, alright?" She gently brushed James' hair out of his face, he smiled.

"Alright, please do. Good night, mom. Love you." James stood up and kissed his mom on the cheek.

He grabbed his suitcases off the dining room floor and headed towards the stairs. He started up the steps when he heard his fathers voice behind him.

"You going to bed already? It's only 8 o'clock, son." James' father stood at the base of the stairs.

"Yeah, all this traveling really sucks any energy from me, I promise to get up early tomorrow for breakfast, alright?" James smiled weakly at his father, who in return smiled back.

"Alright, see you in the morning. G'night son." He finished before walking back into his office.

"Goodnight dad." James finished his trek up the stairs and walked into his room. He kicked his shoes off, set his suitcases and his backpack on the floor and pulled his shirt and pants off. Only wearing boxers, he sat on his bed and reached to the floor, grabbing his cellphone out of his pants pocket. He set an alarm for 7AM and made sure it wasn't set on Silence or Vibrate. He then texted Kendall, Carlos and Logan to let them know he was going to sleep. He set his phone down on the nightstand, laid down in his bed, pulling his warm comforter tightly around him. He closed his eyes and immediately drifted to sleep.

**_Ending authors note-_ **_See, it started pretty slow, but I thought it gave needed details and gave good insight into the characters and storyline. Please R&R, and please be nice! K, thanks, bye! 3 _


	2. Chapter 2 Saying Goodbye

**_Authors Note- Hope you enjoyed the first chapter, here's the next. Not going to lie guys, I wrote 3 of the chapters in one day haha however, I like to make sure that I am completely done with the following chapter before posting one. Anywho please enjoy this chapter, things sort of take off in this one. So please, R&R and be nice! And of course, enjoy! :)_**

Chapter 2- Saying goodbye

James awoke the next morning to the sound of his alarm clock, he quickly dismissed it and sat up in bed, rubbing gingerly at his eyes. It was bright for 7AM, even in California it didn't seem so bright, then again his room did have a lot of windows here in Minnesota. He heard his door creak open and his mom poked her head in his room.

"Good morning sweetie." She cooed, walking into his room and sitting next to James on his bed. He let out a yawn and stretched his arms .

"Morning mom, when do you leave for your trip?" He asked. He was sad that his mom was leaving as soon as he got home, but he understood it was for business. It was a great opportunity for his mom to grow her business and he was happy for her.

"Soon honey, you're fathers bringing me to the airport after breakfast, come down and join us. I made your favorite, chocolate chip pancakes." James could feel his mouth water. That was his favorite meal of all time, but when his mom made it, it was just that much more amazing. He smiled

"Mmm sounds delicious!" He cheered. "I'll be down in a minute, I just want to get dressed." His mother smiled and exited his room. James hurriedly stood up, shoved a fresh pair of pants on and a clean teal shirt before heading down stairs to meet his parents for breakfast. He walked into the dining room and his mother was fixing them all plates in the kitchen, while his father was sitting at the head of the table reading a section of the newspaper.

"Good morning dad." James exclaimed happily. He was glad his father was being so nice. He hadn't had a mood swing yet, and he was hoping it would stay that way.

"Morning son." James' father set the paper down on the table for a brief moment to shoot a smile at him. He took a sip of his coffee, which was black, as usual, and then continued reading the paper. James' mother walked into the kitchen with the plates of food.

"Breakfast is served my loves, I hope you enjoy it!" She laid a plate in front of James' father first, then in front of James and then she sat down at her seat across from James at the table. The family enjoyed their breakfast. The pancakes were cooked to perfection, they were light and fluffy yet rich with plenty of chocolate chips. James was in hog heaven. When they finished their breakfast, James thanked his mother for the amazing meal and offered to clean up.

"Aw thank you sweetheart, but you don't have to." She smiled and grabbed hers and Steven's plates. James smiled.

"No, I'll get it mom." He gently took the plates from her, as well as his plate and headed into the kitchen. James cleaned the plates and the silverware, he also cleaned the pans she used to cook. He set everything in the drying rack and headed back into the dining room where his mom was adjusting her new heels.

"Aw, are you leaving now?" James asked. He tried not to sound sad, but he was. His mother smiled, wiped his hair out of his face and kissed his cheek.

"You're fathers waiting for me in the car honey, I'll be home in a few weeks." She grabbed her suitcase off the floor and headed towards the door.

"Oh, James," She started, pausing before opening the door. "Make sure your father goes to his meetings."

_Meetings_, that was code for his psychologist. It helped him deal with his bipolar disorder, it seemed to really be helping, so James knew he'd make sure his father went.

"I will mom, once a week?" He asked taking her suitcase from her, he wasn't going to let her leave without him helping her out somehow.

"No sweetheart, it's twice a week now." She smiled and opened the door.

They walked out to the car where his father was waiting. He popped the trunk so James could throw the luggage in it. James gently closed the trunk. He walked to his mother and gave her a warm embrace, kissing her on her cheek once more.

"Bye mom, I love you. Have fun! Se safe!" She smiled and sat in the passenger seat of the car waving her son goodbye

"Bye James, I love you honey! I'll see you in a couple of weeks!" His father started the car and drove away. James walked back up to his house. His mothers presence being gone made it not seem so...homey. He entered the house and walked upstairs to his bathroom where he started a warm shower. His phone rang and he answered before he got the chance to hop in. The caller ID read "Kendall". James answered his phone.

"Hey man, what's up?" James, still fully clothed leaned against the bathroom sink.

"Hey man, you still coming over?" Kendall asked.

"Yeah, sorry I'm running late bro, my mom left for Florida this morning, I wanted to spend some time with her before she left." He stated, shifting his weight from one foot to the other.

"Florida?" Kendall asked, he could hear Carlos in the background asking '_what about Florida?_'.

"Yeah, she had to go on business, she'll be gone for a few weeks," James cleared his throat. "But hey, I'm just going to take a shower and I'll be right over, ok?" He finished beginning to unbutton his pants.

"Alright bro, see you soon." Kendall stated. "See ya soon."

James closed his phone, slipped out of his pants and boxers and removed his shirt. He hopped into the shower. At first he just let the hot water rush over him. It was soothing and the pressure felt amazing. Soon he reached for the shampoo and commenced the actual bathing aspect of his shower. Once he finished, he grabbed a towel, ran it around his body to dry it and finally wrapped it around his waist. James walked into his room, rummaged through his still packed suitcase and grabbed a clean pair of boxers. Throwing them on he walked back into the bathroom and threw on his clothes from earlier which were still clean since he had only worn them for breakfast. James brushed his teeth with his favorite toothpaste, the crest whitening one. He also gurgled with the corresponding mouth wash. He finally went into his room, grabbed clean socks out of his suitcase and threw on his black slip on Vans shoes. James finally walked down stairs, walked out the front door, locking it behind him. He began his trek to Kendalls house.

Kendall didn't live far from James, in fact, all of them lived rather close to each other. Carlos lived the furthest, and his house was only 4 blocks away. All were within walking distance, but Kendall only lived across the street and 3 houses down from James. He reached Kendall's front door in no time. He gently knocked on the door and immediately Katie, Kendall's little sister answered the door.

"Hey James!" She exclaimed, the little Knight had always had a huge crush on James. He smiled at her and patted her on the shoulder.

"Hey Katie, Kendall in his room?" He asked. Katie nodded her head and invited James in. He walked up stairs to Kendall's room. Kendall, Carlos and Logan were all sitting on the couch in his room.

"Finally!" Exclaimed Logan. "We were about to leave without you!"

_'Leave without me?'_ James thought to himself, when he remembered that they were planning on playing hockey.

"Oh, sorry about that, I-" James was cut off by Carlos.

"Who went to Florida, and _why_ didn't they invite me?" He huffed. James smiled at his friend, Carlos was like a child. He got worked up over the silliest things.

"My mom did, and I'm sure she would have loved all of us to go but it was for business." James finished. Suddenly James felt a rush come to his head, he instantly felt dizzy. He sat down on the couch next to Logan to try to hide it. James was the kind of person to never get sick, he never felt _'off_'. So feeling dizzy was something new to him. He rested his head in his hand as he waited for his friends to start pushing hockey practice. After he sat for a few moments the dizziness seemed to fade away, James was relieved.

"So, off to play some hockey gents?" Kendall asked excitedly. They all enjoyed playing hockey, but Kendall loved it and he was clearly the best at it. He dreamed of one day going pro. They all headed down stairs to meet Kendall's mom.

"I'll be in the car, boys." She went outside, Katie followed. The boys grabbed their hockey equipment which was stored in Kendall's garage. They headed to meet his mom at the car. St. Paul Minnesota was a small town, no hockey rink. So they drove for a while to get to one. They finally arrived, the drive took about an hour. They all exited the vehicle and made their way inside, where they all suited up and got on the ice. At first they were all a little wobbly, it had been a year since any of them had played. But skating a few laps their legs got used to it again and they began playing.

Logan took his place as the goalie, like always and the others swatted the puck around back and forth. Kendall was the first one to shoot it towards the goal, but Logan blocked it with ease.

"You're losing your touch there, bud." Joked Logan throwing the puck back on the ice. Kendall laughed and snatched the puck back up, he shot it at Carlos who pushed it around the ice for a small length of time before James snatched it from him. Kendall tried to steal the puck from James, but James shot it at the goal. Logan grabbed for it but missed.

"Good shot James!" Exclaimed Logan once again tossing the puck back onto the ice. James smiled. He was proud of himself, normally Kendall was "the man" at hockey, but today James was actually doing better than him. Kendall came up and patted James on the back.

"Great shot, dude!" They both smiled.

James skated towards the puck once more when he suddenly felt another dizzy spell. He stopped in his tracks as the room began spinning. Carlos took this chance to grab the puck. Kendall, however noticed James stop. He also noticed when his legs started to buckle under him. Kendall skated to James as fast as he could and caught him just in time.

"James, dude, are you okay?" Kendall asked, holding James up by his arm.

"I..I'm fine." James stated. He was annoyed that he was dizzy again. He was even more annoyed that anyone noticed it. James snatched his arm from Kendall and tried to steady himself, only to find himself being caught by Kendall again. '_Dammit'_ he though.

"Hey man, I'm going to bring you to the bench, you need to sit down. I'll get you some water." James wanted to tell Kendall no, tell him that he was fine, but, he couldn't. His head was spinning and he knew he would have face planted onto the ice had his friend not been supporting him. So instead, James nodded in agreement.

James was sitting on the bench when Kendall brought James a styrofoam cup filled with water. He drank the cup and thanked his friend. The dizziness was now gone, but James still felt off.

"I think that's enough practice for the day!" Kendall shouted onto the ice at his remaining friends who had continued playing. The boys joined them at the bench where Kendall's mom met them.

"Time to go home boys, did you have fun?" She asked with her usual sweet smile. Carlos bragged the entire walk to the car about how amazing he played and how he won because Kendall and James forfeited. They all climbed in and arrived back to Kendall's house after a car ride that seemed to last forever. When they arrived, Carlos and Logan said their goodbye's as they walked home. Kendall and James walked inside and they both collapsed on the couch. They were both sore from hockey, they were playing for over an hour before James started feeling ill. Kendall looked over to his friend.

"Hey James, what happened out there today dude?" He asked, concern plastered across his face. James cleared his throat. He didn't really know what to say, or how to explain it for that matter. He just got dizzy.

"Nothing." He finally explained.

"Nothing? Dude, you practically collapsed." Kendall reached to his friends shoulder.

"You can tell me if there's something, _anything_ wrong with you." He stated. James shot a half smile at his friend, he knew he was just being a good friend and caring, but he really didn't want to talk about it.

"Hey man, I'm fine," He started this time patting Kendall on the shoulder. "Thanks for hanging out today bro, hockey was fun. See you tomorrow?" He asks. Kendall shoots a smile at James. He was genuinely worried for his friend but he could tell he didn't want to talk about it.

"Yeah, see you tomorrow," He stated. James stood up and grabbed the door handle to go home.

"Oh, James," Kendall called. James turned and faced his friend. "Feel better, okay?" James just smiled and nodded walking out the door, closing it firmly behind him.

James opened his front door as quietly as he could. He hadn't realized how late it was already, he had spent the entire day with his friends, playing video games, watching movies and playing hockey. He never realized how true the saying "Time flies when your having fun" really was. He closed the door and locked it. He also turned off the front porch light.

James glanced at the time on the front of his phone which read 10:18PM. He was just happy his father was in bed. Steven Diamond was a firm believer of a curfew, and James' was 9:00PM on a school night, whether school was in session or not. James headed towards the staircase when he felt a firm hand on his shoulder. James stopped dead in his tracks. He had spoken too soon.

"It's late James." His father stated in a deep firm voice. "Way past your curfew." He continued. James turned to face his father.

"Yeah, I'm sorry dad, we played some hockey and the game was really good and we just-" James gets interrupted by his father, who's mood had clearly changed.

"I don't care to hear your fucking excuses!" He screamed in James' face. James' eyes widened. He hated when his father would get like this, he knew it would take a lot to calm him down after that.

"Listen dad, I'm sorry, I-" James was cut short. His cheek stung and his neck hurt from a sudden motion. His father smacked him. James placed his hand on his cheek. His fathers been known to yell or argue, but hitting him? He had never done that before. It scared James.

"D-dad..you...you hit me.." James stammered. He was physically shaken by the occurrence.

"Shut up." His father said quietly.

"But, dad-" James started, walking towards his father.

"I said shut the hell up!" Steven Diamond, once again screamed in his sons face, but this time instead of slapping him, he reached his arm back, formed a fist and punched James in his stomach. He hit James so hard that he dropped to the floor gasping for air, it knocked his breath right out of his lungs.

James laid there. He groaned out in pain. He had never been punched before, it was a very painful thing. But the most painful part of it, was that his dad was who threw it. Steven Diamond stepped back and examined the sight of his son, wreathing in pain on the floor.

"Oh God.." He began, James looked up at his father.

"Oh God, James I'm..I'm so sorry I.." James let out a small gasp when his father grabbed his arms to lift him to his feet. His body stiffened as he expected his father to hit him again, but the pain never came.

"James, I'm so sorry. I never meant to hurt you, I've had a hard day at work, I miss your mother. I was hoping to get to spend some time with you but you were with your friends all day. Son, I'm so sorry." James stared at his father. The man who he used to look up to as a child, the man who was his rock once was now the man who had just physically harmed him. And yes, his fathers tears seemed sincere. James could not help it.

"It's...it's okay dad." He started.

"No, it's not. God I'm so sorry James.." He trailed off with another sob. What James did next was not something he_ wanted_ to do, but he felt that he _had_to. He wrapped his arms around his father in an embrace.

"It's okay dad, I forgive you...I forgive you."

_**Ending Authors note- Hope you enjoyed, I hope I'm explaining the emotion thoroughly enough. Haha Chapter 3 will probably be posted tomorrow, depending on when I finish writing Ch. 4. :) Also, to kind of explain more into things. In the last chapter when Kendall's mom dropped him off at his house, it was because they just came home from the airport. She dropped the other boys off first since she lives across the street from James. Kendall and Katie werent in the car because she dropped them off first because they were tired. That's why it was just her and she was driving. haha. Anywho, please R&R. Thanks for reading! ;P **_


	3. Chapter 3 Painful Realization

_ Authors Note- Please enjoy this third chapter. Chapter 4 is going to be nutsss to please enjoy this one. Read, review, and of course, please enjoy! :)_**  
>xoxo<strong>

**Chapter 3- Painful Realization**

James awoke the following morning late, around 10:45AM. His mind was wracked with the memories of the previous night. Had his father really done that? Had he really harmed him? Or was it all just some kind of horrible nightmare? It pained James to think about it, how could his dad do that to him? James sat up and immediately flinched as a sharp pain emanated from his stomach. His abdomen was burning. The punch his father administered him was hard, full force behind it. James lifted his shirt and wasn't surprised when he found a large bruise where his fathers fist made contact. James stood up and clumsily made his way into his bathroom. James stomach was in knots. He kneeled down in front of the toilet incase his body tried to vomit, but it never did. He sat still on the floor for a little while longer, last night replaying its self over and over in his mind. He still couldn't believe what happened. James head was killing him. His thoughts were something he didn't want in his mind, but he could not dismiss them. What happened was real. He couldn't forget it. Finally James stood up and started a shower. James loved showers, they were so relaxing for not only body, but for his mind as well. He felt so relieved just having the hot water streaming down his neck and shoulders, rolling down his back. He turned around and let the water caress his face.

James exited the shower, drying his hair and body and then wrapped the towel around his waist. He made his way to his bedroom to get dressed but when he opened the door his father was sitting on his bed waiting for him. James could feel his heart sink.

"James," His father started. James stood silently in his doorway. Steven Diamond eyed his son, his eyes landing on the large bruise on his abs.

"James, I-" But this time, it was James who cut him off.

"Look dad, I know you've been going through a lot. I forgive you. I do." Steven sat quietly for a moment, then a small smile stretched across his face.

"Thank you son." Steven simply stood up, hugged his son gently and left his room. James closed his door and locked it. He knew his father wasn't going to come barging in and try to kill him or anything crazy like that, but he still couldn't help but fear him. Sure, he had forgiven him. But had he _truly_ forgiven him?

James grabbed a fresh pair of boxers, this time out of his dresser since he had unpacked his bags, finally. He pulled them on and rummaged for a pair of pants, he chose a pair of dark wash skinny jeans from his bottom drawer. He also chose a brown V-neck shirt which he quickly pulled over his head. He threw on a black pair of socks and his black slip on vans before grabbing his phone and heading out of his room and down the stairs. He grabbed the doorknob of his front door.

"James," His father called. James gulped. He turned around, his father standing behind him.

"Y-yeah, dad?" He asked nervously. Steven Diamond saw that his son was frightened, but he pushed that to the back of his mind.

"I just wanted to say, have fun with your friends today, okay?" He said with a smile. James simply nodded before opening the door.

"And James," He began again. James paused mid step.

"I love you." James looked at his father with a blank stare. 'You love me?' he thought to himself.

"Yeah..." James trailed off before clearing his throat.

"L-love you too, dad." James closed the door and practically sprinted to Kendall's house. He could feel his heart racing, his head was spinning and his stomach was still burning. He knocked on the door, this time to be greeted by Kendall himself.

"Hey bro!" He smiled and opened the door wider for James to come in. "Carlos and Logan are on their way now-" He trailed off when he saw James' face, it was pale and he had a thin film of sweat all over him.

"Hey man, you okay?" He asked. At first James didn't acknowledge him, it was as thought he didn't hear him.

"Hey man, earth to James! Come in James!" He called waving a hand in front of James' face which seemed to snap him out of his trance.

"Dude, James, seriously. Are you alright?" He asked again. It took a lot for James' eyes to focus on his friends face.

"W-what? Yeah dude, I'm totally fine." He shot a half hearted smile to his friend, Kendall was going to ask more but was distracted by Carlos and Logan entering the room.

"And now, gentleman, the fun has arrived!" Logan stated entering the house.

"Party over here, woop, woop!" Exclaimed Carlos. James sat down on Kendall's couch, the others joined him. Today was a planned movie day. Kendall supplied the movies and the comfy couch, Logan brought popcorn, Carlos brought candy and James...

"James, did you bring the soda?" Carlos asked excitedly. "Tell me you brought Pibb!" James had completely forgot about the soda, he had bigger things on his mind.

"Oh, sorry guys. I completely forgot." He was truthful to them, he couldn't think of a lie.

"It's okay dude, I have plenty of soda here. Don't sweat it." Kendall reassured James. He wasn't upset about the soda, honestly he was more concerned for his friend who simply wasn't acting himself at all today.

"Pibb?" Asked Carlos, he reminded them of Tiny Tim, they imagined him begging "Please sir, may I have some more?". Kendall simply laughed and nodded his head

"Yes, Carlos, we have Pibb." Carlos practically jumped for joy.

The boys put the movie in, which was Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. They were watching a Harry Potter marathon since tomorrow was the premier of part two of the deathly hallows, the final movie for Harry Potter. They all sat around and watched the movie. After that, they played the second one, and then the third one. Kendall noticed that James hadn't moved an inch. He was totally silent, and totally still.

"Hey James, do you want something to drink?" Kendall asked him. James flinched.

"What?" He asked.

"Do you want a drink?" Kendall asked again. James throat was dry, and his stomach was on fire. He did want a drink, but he didn't want his friend fussing over him.

"Nah, I'll get one in a little bit, I'm fine though, thanks." James smiled at Kendall, who returned the smile.

Moments went by Kendall redirected his attention to the movie and James redirected to his thoughts and his feelings. Suddenly, James felt a sharp pain and grabbed his stomach, he couldn't help but let out a pained groan. Carlos and Logan were too engrossed in the movie to notice, but Kendall wasn't.

"What's wrong?" He asked. James was holding his stomach hissing out in pain. The pain on his face was evident.

"James, you don't look so good. What's wrong?" James shook his head.

"No, I'm fine-" He was cut off by another wave of pain. This time his groan was loud enough that everyone noticed.

"What's wrong with you, James?" Asked Logan. His face showing true concern.

"N-nothing, I'm fi..I'm fine-" Another wave of pain ran through James. He let out a loud moan that attracted the attention of Mrs. Knight and Katie who both appeared in the living room.

"What's going on in here?" She asked, more demanded.

"Mom!" Kendall shouted. "Something's seriously wrong with James!" The boys face was filled with worry. Mrs. Knight looked at James. His face was showing definite signs of pain and he was pale. Beads of sweat were collected around his stoic features. He was doubled over, clutching his stomach. James let out another pained groan and began shaking. Katie's eyes widened. She adored James, everyone knew she had a crush on him ever since they all became friends all those years ago. And now here he was, in agonizing pain in front of her eyes.

"Katie, go to your room." Mrs. Knight said cooly, trying not to scare her daughter. At first Katie didn't hear it, but Logan grabbed her arm gently and led her back upstairs.

"What happened to him?" Mrs. Knight asked, she motioned for Kendall to get up which he did and she sat down next to James on the couch.

"James, sweetie, tell me what hurts." Her voice was so kind, it reminded James of his own mother. He opened his mouth to respond but immediately another wave forced him to call out in pain instead. Mrs. Knight threw her hand to his forehead.

"James, honey you're burning up. I need you to lay down." Her statement was demanded, but in a pleasant way. James laid down, curled into fetal position.

"Kendall, grab me an icepack and a cloth." She stated. Kendall did as he was asked, he returned shortly after with a bag filled with ice cubes and a clean washcloth. Mrs. Knight took the ice, wrapped the washcloth around it so it wasn't too cold and placed it on James' forehead. He closed his eyes and his tense body finally started to ease. His breaths were rapid and shallow. Logan was still upstairs comforting Katie, Carlos was scavenging the medicine cabinet looking for a pain reliever. All who were with James were Mrs. Knight and Kendall.

"There, he's starting to relax. Kendall, don't let him leave, he's staying here tonight. I don't want him moving around he's too sick." She stated feeling James' cheeks which were still very warm.

"I don't know how this all happened.." Kandall stated. He looked at James, his best friend. He was in pain, he was sick and he wouldn't tell him.

"Why didn't he just tell me he was sick? I noticed the signs and he denied it..why? We're best friends, why wouldn't he just tell me?" Kendall's eyes filled with tears. His mom rubbed his back, her kind gesture made the tears fall. The tears rushed down his pink cheeks leaving a salty trail behind.

"Honey, James is a strong boy. You know as well as I do that he's always tried to be independent, if he didn't want someone knowing something, he made sure not to tell them. That's just how James is honey." She tried to reassure her son, but it just made him feel worse. James let out another groan followed by a ferocious cough. Mrs. Knight took the ice pack, unwrapped it, flipping the washcloth inside out. She re-wrapped it and placed it back on his forehead. Just then, Carlos returned.

"I found Advil, will that work?" He asked. Mrs. Knight nodded and took the bottle from Carlos.

"Thank you sweetheart, if nothing else it should at least help bring his fever down." She opened the bottle and grabbed two pills for his age range.

"James, honey, I need you to take this medicine, okay? It'll make you feel better." James groaned as he tried to sit up, his body shook and he called out in more pain. His body tensed and he began to fall back into the position he had on the couch but Kendall helped him, wrapping his arms around his ill friend and pulling him into a full upright position.

"Here," Mrs. Knight handed James the Advil.

His shaky hands took them and placed them on his tongue, he swallowed them. Logan re entered the room, in his hand he had a glass of water which he handed to James.

"Here you go buddy." James thanked Logan for the glass and gulped it down.

"James, you're staying here tonight." Mrs. Knight began, "I'm going to call your father and let him know you're staying-" James cut her off.

"No, don't call him. I'll go home. I'm fine, really." The words were rushes and you could hear the pain in his voice.

"James, don't argue with me on this. You are clearly very sick, honey. You're staying here. Lay down and rest." Before he got the chance to plead his case again, Mrs. Knight left the room. His father would be pissed.

James moaned out in pain again, once again latching his hand onto his stomach. This time it was a mixture of the regular stomach pain mixed with the soreness from the bruise.

"God, why does it hurt so bad.." James muttered softly under his breath. Kendall rubbed James' back in attempt to comfort him, which seemed to relax him.

"I've never seen anyone so sick before.." Logan stated. Carlos shook his head in agreement. James let out another cough, this one was bellowing. It turned his face a deep shade of red and his veins were throbbing through his skin.

"Let me get you some more water, dude." Logan grabbed the glass and went to the kitchen filling the glass with water, then he returned to the living room, handing James the glass which he once again gulped down. He cleared his throat and his body fell limp against the couch. His breathing was even harder now, coming in short gasps. Mrs. Knight came back in the living room with a soft smile.

"You're father wanted me to tell you he hopes you feel better and that he loves you. He said you can stay here as long as you need to." James sighed with relief. He was worried his father would argue with Kendall's mom, demand that he needed to come home right this instant. But he didn't, and James was so thankful. James eyes became heavy and he could no longer hold them open.

"Thank you momma Knight," He stated sleepily.

"For everything." With that James lost the battle against sleep and he was out cold.

**_Ending A/N- Aww poor James isn't feeling well. Wait till next chapter ;D Please review guys, I like hearing what I need to work on, or what you do or don't like. Of course, try to be polite in the review, but please-REVIEW! Please? Thanks!_ **


	4. Chapter 4 Distress

**A/N- _Hey guys, sorry it took so long to update! I've been SUPER busy with work and moving my horse to a new barn I just havent had time to work on anything. Chapter 5 is still being written and I hope it ends up much longer than this one! Also-I would love to thank Sam Temple for the tips! I tried to put them to use in this chapter-I ho_**_**pe they turned out alright! I'm used to writing in the more paragraph type writing style, I guess? lol ANYWHO please enjoy! Thanks to the 3 lovely people who have reviewed my story. Glad to know at least a few people are reading and enjoying my story. Please keep the reading and reviews coming! They make me very happy! Anyways, on with the story! Enough of my blabbing! haha. ENJOY!**_

Chapter 4- Distress

James tossed and turned in his sleep, it took every ounce of him just to feel comfortable. He moaned out in discomfort a few times before Logan finally shook him awake.

"James man, you feeling any better?" His face was soft, but his eyes were worried. James' eyes darted around the room, the sun was out so he had slept the entire night, even thought it didn't feel like it. He noticed Kendall sleeping on the Lazy boy recliner next to him.

"What time is it? When did you get here?" James asked, letting out a soft cough.

His head was pounding but he wasn't dizzy, so that was good. Though, his stomach was still bothering him, it too was not as bad.

"I just got here, James. Carlos is on his way here now. It's almost noon." He finished.

James cleared his throat which sent a small pressure to his head causing him to wince. Just as soon as it came, it disappeared. James sat up, swinging his legs off the couch. Logan walked over to Kendall and shook him awake as well. Kendall sat up in an instant and immediately turned his attention on James.

"James, you alright?" He asked in a rush. James nodded.

"Yeah, I feel a lot better, thanks." James smiled. He was still sick, but he wasn't nearly as bad off as he had been the night before. Just then Carlos walked in through the front door, he had a turkey sandwich in his hand.

"Sorry I'm late, I-" Logan cut him off.

"Needed food?" Logan teased. Carlos just nodded and smiled.

Mrs. Knight and Katie entered the living room next. Katie was holding a glass of water which she handed to James. He smiled at Katie and thanked her sincerely, giving her a light hug. Katie blushed before walking away.

"Morning boys," Mrs. Knight started. "Here you go, sweetie," She handed James two pills. This time, it was high strength Tylenol.

"These will make you feel much better." She finished.

He thanked her and placed them on the back of his tongue, he took a few swigs of water washing the pills down his throat.

"I think you boys should just relax today. Oh, and James. I'd like you to sleep some more." She paused and felt his head which was still quite warm.

"Let me go grab a thermometer, I think you have a fever. I'll be right back." Mrs. Knight walked out of the room.

James felt a sharp pain in his stomach, this time it was just from his bruise. He stifled a groan and laid back down on the couch. Mrs. Knight re entered the room and placed the thermometer in James' ear, she pressed the button and waited for it to beep. Once it beeped she pulled it out of his ear and looked at it.

"102.5, that's a fever. You just rest today, okay honey?" Mrs. Knight pulled the blanket up and over James' waist. She was like a second mother to James, she had been their "den mother" while in California. He smiled at her and nodded before drifting to sleep once more.

A few hours went by before James woke up again. Carlos and Logan were sitting on the floor playing a video game, and Kendall was sitting on the recliner erasing text messages off his phone. James sat up and grabbed his phone off the coffee table. He checked the time, it was 4:50PM. He knew if he didn't go home soon his father would be pissed.

"Hey.." Kendall stood up and walked over to James sitting next to him. He placed his hand on his head to check for a temperature.

"You're not as hot, feeling any better?" James' hated being fussed over, and he honestly wasn't feeling much better than earlier, if anything he felt worse because now he was so tired. But, he nodded.

"Yeah, much, thanks bro." The boys smiled just as James' phone went off, the caller ID read "Home". He cringed at the thought of his father, but he answered anyways because he knew if he didn't he would be punished.

"H-hello?" James stammered over his own words.

"Hey James, it's dad. How ya feeling kiddo?" His fathers voice was smooth and kind, he genuinely sounded concerned.

"I'm alright, just have a stomach virus is all. Nothing to worry about." James stated.

He didn't want anyone making a big deal over his sickness, not even his dad. Especially, not his dad, not right now, not after what he did to him.

"Son, I want you to come home. You should be resting in your own bed, not Mrs. Knight's couch. Please thank her for her hospitality and come home. I'm worried about you, son." James was hoping he wouldn't say that, the last thing he wanted to do was go home, sick, to that man. But he sighed, cleared his throat, and continued.

"Alright, I'll be home soon." James hung up the phone, he didn't want to wait for his fathers response. Kendall frowned at James conversation.

"You going home?" James sighed once more.

"Yeah, my dad thinks I should sleep it off in my own bed. Thanks for being here for me though man, tell your mom and Katie I said thanks, I really appreciate it." James stood up. He was a little more light headed now that he was in a full erect position, but he ignored it and walked to the door.

"Call me later, okay, James?" Kendall was almost pleading. James smiled and waved his friend's goodbye.

"Will do." James walked back to his house. He opened the door and was a little uneasy when he was met with his father. He never knew who he would get upon arrival, Dr. Jekyll, or Mr. Hyde.

"Come in, James. Please, lay down." his father grabbed his arm which made him flinch. It wasn't hard, it didn't hurt but he couldn't help it. Steven noticed and apologized.

"Listen son, I know what I did the other night was...wrong," He started.

James stared at his father. _'Wrong?'_ He thought. _'It was downright cruel!'_ but James shook his head and sat on the couch burying his face in his hands. His father sat next to him and put a hand on James' back.

"But, I hope you know that I love you, son." James was upset. He knew his father loved him, he knew it was his disease that made him act that way towards him, his words were sincere.

"I know, dad." James stomach was in knots again, he felt like he was going to vomit but he held it in, instead he let out a small cry of pain while he latched onto his stomach.

"James? What hurts, son?" His father asked. James didn't get a chance to reply, he rolled off the couch and expelled his stomach contents onto the floor. Suddenly it was like a bomb went off, the transformation took place and Mr. Hyde was no longer in the room with James. In his fathers place, was Dr. Jekyll.

"James! What the hell is wrong with you! You have legs, learn how to use them!" Steven Diamond grabbed James by his throat and lifted him into a standing position. He wanted to be eye to eye with his son while he disciplined him. James struggled to breath through his fathers grasp, he knew he had to try to bring him back to reality, bring him back to himself.

"D-da-ad.."He trailed off. His head was spinning, the room was spinning and he felt nauseous. James' father threw him down on the floor. Even tough he was sick, and now frightened James knew that the only way to escape this argument, would be to run. James saw his chance and made a mad dash up the stairs. He only made it up about 4 steps before he felt a hand grab his ankle, forcing him chest first against the steps. James yelled out in pain.

"Don't you run away from me, James Anthony Diamond!" His father pulled his legs between the railings of the stairs. James wheezed out another call of pain, his body wouldn't fit between that, what was his father thinking? Before he knew it Steven forcefully pulled James' body through the railing, breaking the spokes out as he came through. Steven threw his son down as hard as he could on the floor.

"You will fucking listen to me, dammit!" James' body was wracked with pain, he tried to stifle a cough but couldn't which only seemed to piss his father off more.

"I bet you're not even fucking sick, are you? Huh! Don't lie to me, dammit!" He grabbed James by the throat and dragged him into the kitchen.

"You just didn't want to see me!" He lifted James and tossed him on top of the kitchen table. The table was made of glass and shattered under James' body weight. He fell through it, shards of glass puncturing through his skin, he laid motionless.

"You don't love your dear old dad, do you!" He grabbed James by his arm and threw him against the wall. Steven Diamond was pissed. He grabbed a towel from the kitchen and wet it. He walked back into the living room and sopped up the vomit. He then threw the towel away, too pissed off to think about cleaning it.

"Dammit James, you're so useless! I'm running late for work, because of you! To think it was because I was worried. Fucking faker." With that Steven Diamond grabbed his keys and exited his house, slamming the door behind him. He was so angry he didn't even care to lock the door. He got into his car and drove off to work at the hospital.

James laid in the kitchen. His body was battered, he was soaked in blood and sweat. His eyes were drooping and his breathing was hard and shallow. He could feel tears falling from his eyes, and he could feel blood pouring from his mouth. Other than that, he was numb. He couldn't feel pain, he couldn't feel sad. He was just numb. Completely in disbelief of what just conspired. His father, who he loved so much, just beat the crap out of him. How could this have happened? James laid there still for quite some time. The only thing that snapped him back into a regular thought process was his phone. He could hear it ringing in the living room. The ringtone, he recognized as Kendalls.

James was in pain. He knew he had broken bones, he could tell. And he knew he was bleeding. His head was spinning and his stomach was flip flopped. He had never felt so terrible in his entire life. But James knew he had to answer the phone. He needed help, he needed medical attention.

James gathered all of his energy and began crawling into the living room. His body gave out on him, a few times, but he kept pushing. He finally reached his phone and collapsed next to it. He reached his shaking hand out and grabbed it. He slowly dragged it back to him, opening it and pressed it under his ear. He hit talk.

"James, it's Kendall, how are you feel-" James' breathing stopped Kendall in his tracks.

"Ke-Kendall..." James paused sputtering out a cough between his ragged breaths. "I need h-h-hel-p.." James was groaning out in pain. Kendall's heart sunk. Something was seriously wrong with James.

"Hang on James, I'll be there in a second! Just hold on, okay!" Kendall was frantic. Logan and Carlos were worried

"What's wrong, dude?" Logan asked.

"Hold on? To what? Where's James, is he ok?" Questioned Carlos. Kendall shook his head and hurriedly threw on shoes.

"Theres no time, we need to get to James, Now! Something's wrong with him. You should have heard his voice..." He trailed off thinking back to how pained and faint his friends voice was. "We need to help him."

With that, they all ran to James' house and opened the door. What they found would scar them forever. The first thing they saw was the hallway view of the staircase with the broken railing. Past that they saw James' shattered kitchen table, blood was very evident on that.

"Oh my God, James!" Kendall was the first to spot him. There was a trail of blood splatters leading to James' body, which was on the far side of the living room. He was laying on his side, there were large gashes on his body, clearly from the table. He was struggling to breath. Logan and Kendall rushed to their friend. Kendall lifted James into his lap and brushed his sweaty matted hair out of his face. Logan, who aspired to be a doctor ran a quick exam over his friend. He felt his forehead, checked his pupils and listened to his chest.

"He's burning up guys...he needs to go to the hospital, now!" Carlos who had been standing at the doorway in shock snapped out of it. He reached for his cellphone in his pocket and called an ambulance.

"911, what is your emergency?" The emergency dispatched asked over the phone.

"My friends dying, we need help, now!" Carlos cried and explained the findings over the phone. James was shaking, his breathing was uneasy. His eyes began to roll into the back of his head as his eyelids started to droop. Kendall started to cry as Logan shook James' shoulder.

"Hang on James, stay with us, you have to stay with us!"

_

**Ending A/N-**_** A cliffhanger? Sure! haha anyways, hope you enjoyed it. Hope I didn't butcher the writing style too badly. And sorry it was so short! I plan on having the next chapter much longer. Anyways, please read and REVIEW. I love getting reviews and I only have 3! What's up with that? LOL **_


	5. Chapter 5 Not Over Yet

**Authors Note-****Hey guys, sorry it took so long to update! (Especially with a cliffhanger!) BUT I hope that you arent too mad at me. Please enjoy the 5th installment of my story and please, REVIEW! :)**

**Chapter 5- Not over yet**

It was as though all of the angels in Heaven had been crying with how hard it had been raining. Kendall wiped any stray tears from his face before glancing to his right to see his friend. James has been unconscious for over forty-eight hours now. The only thing reassuring Kendall and the rest of their friends he was still alive was the constant beeping of the heart monitor James was connected to. James...poor James. Suddenly a cough burst through James' lips and his eyes began to flutter open.

"Nurse!" Kendall screamed without missing a beat. He was instantly at his friends side. Logan and Carlos burst through the door, followed by the nurse.

"He's waking up!" The joy was evident in Kendall's voice. They all were shaken up. When they first heard James on the phone they just thought he was sick, maybe throwing up or having extreme stomach pains. But, when they arrived...it was a total mind fuck to them.

James groaned out in pain, clenching his eyes tight. His body went rigid as a wave of pain surged through him causing him to let out an excruciating scream.

"James, you need to stay still! You're body is not ready yet!" The nurse called out, trying to lay him back out flat and calm him down.

"M-my body?" James questioned, finally laying back flat on his back. "W-what happened t-to me?" James was still in a daze. He remembered, but everything was foggy. Maybe a reminder would help?

"James.." Carlos started.

"You...you fell, buddy." Logan finished.

"I called you and when you answered...we came as soon as we could. There was blood everywhere...don't you remember any of it? You went home. I guess when your dad left for work you decided to try to go upstairs to sleep and you either lost your balance or the pain was too strong and..." Kendall trailed off.

"And you fell over the railing of your stairs. You landed on your kitchen table, man...it shattered. You got cut up pretty bad, they removed a six inch shard from your rib cage. You also broke six of your ribs, you fractured your wrist, broke your collar bone and you got a concussion from the impact. You're...you're lucky to be alive, man." With that Kendall wrapped his arms around James' figure, as gentle as he could to not harm him.

James was confused. He remembered going home. He remembered the phone call from Kendall that forced himself to crawl to answer the phone. Something isn't right though, something is missing from this story. He only wished that he remembered what it was. Just then, a wave of nausea and fatigue wash over James. His eyes begin to blur as they begin to roll into the back of his head. Suddenly, his body begins to tremble. No, convulse.

"James, sweetie I need you to look at me." The nurse grabs James face. Opening his eyes, she shines a small flashlight into them to try to get his attention but he cannot control his convulsions. James was having a seizure.

"Oh my God! What's happening to him? James, snap out of it buddy, James!" Kendall was in hysterics. Just then, the doctor entered the room. The doctor was familiar to the boys and a wash of relief warmed over their faces.

"Thank God!" Sighed Carlos. "Help James, help your son!"

Doctor Steven Diamond entered the room. Dr. Diamond gently shoved the nurse out of the way. Checking his sons vitals he tried to sooth him to stop convulsing, but failing he took a drastic step. Running to the medical supplies cabinet he reached for a syringe, wrapped the tip in gauze and injected it into the nasal passage of James' nose. A few seconds went by and James' body laid still on the bed. His breathing was heavy, but steady and the convulsions were gone.

"What..what was that? What just happened? What did you do?" Kendall grabbed James' hand and held it close to his chest. Using his free hand he wiped beads of sweat from the boys brow.

"That, my boys, was a seizure. They're common after post dramatic stress to the body. And that shot was an intranasal midazolam. It stops the seizure and helps the patient relax." Dr. Diamond laid his hand across his sons head to check his temperature. His face drew concern from the onlooking boys.

"What's that face for?" Questioned Logan.

Dr. Diamond shook his head and reached for the thermometer at James' bedside. He placed it in his sons ear and pushed the button. While he waited for it to beep he instructed Kendall, Logan and Carlos that James really needed his rest, and that visiting hours were almost over. With that, the thermometer beeped.

"104.5." He stated flatly. "Say goodbye, my son needs to rest now. His fever is too high for all of this excitement."

With that Kendall, Logan and Carlos exited James' hospital room. James laid unconscious on his hospital bed. His breathing was hard and raspy and he was drenched in sweat. Doctor Diamond ran a cloth across his son's forehead wiping any sweat from his brow. He then sat down on the chair beside his bed. Running his fingers through his sons hair he spoke to his son the only way he knew how.

"James..my son. I'm so sorry. This is all my fault. I should have gone to the meetings, I should have gotten the help I needed. None of this would have happened if it weren't for me. I fucked up son, and I apologize for that. I'm so sorry. I just hope that you can find it in your heart to forgive me. I promise I'll go to the meetings again, every day if I have to. I'll get the help I need so that this," Doctor Diamond trails off to look his son over, grimacing at his condition. "This will never happen again. I promise. I give you my word, son." Steven Diamond stood, wiping a tear from his cheek he kissed James on top of his head and exited his room.

Two days went by and James was finally able to be released out of the hospital He was still weak and in pain, but as long as he promised to rest he could return home. Kendall, Logan and Carlos were sitting in his room with him waiting for Dr. Diamond to return to the room. Just then, he did.

"Ready to go home, son?" Dr. Diamond asked James who gave a weak smile in response. Just then the nurse came in and informed Dr. Diamond he was needed down the hall so he exited his sons room. Kendall wrapped his arms around James and helped him sit up. James winced at the pain the new position suddenly brought.

"Sorry, you alright?" Kendall asked. "I can lay you back down if you want-" But James cut him off.

"No, I'm fine. Thanks. Just sitting for the first time in days tugs at wounds a little. It's cool, really." James let out a soft cough after his explanation and Kendall helped him stand. James felt a little dizzy and almost fell but Kendall and Carlos hooked onto him and helped steady him.

"Easy buddy, take it slow." Carlos smiled and rubbed James' back. James held back the pain in his face as much as he could.

"Will do." He smiled. The nurse returned to James' room with a wheelchair and all of the boys helped lower him comfortably into it.

"I wanna push him!" Carlos yelled while gripping the handle to the wheelchair. Logan immediately took control over the wheelchair.

"Um, I don't think that's such a good idea. Lets leave that to a professional. I _am_ going to be a doctor, after all." Logan scoffed with a smirk. Carlos pouted.

"Yeah, well, you're no doctor yet! Please? I'll be real gentle! Please! I'll even let him wear my helmet!" Carlos begged. Just then James cradled his head in his hands and moaned out lightly. He then coughed hard and his body began trembling. All of the boys attention turned to James, Kendall immediately knelt down by James.

"James, you okay?" He shot his hand to James' forehead to feel for a fever. He was a little warm, definitely clammy, but nothing to be too concerned about. James smiled through his discomfort.

"Y-yeah..I..I just have a headache is all. Can we go home now, please? Carlos, just let Logan push me today, okay? I promise to let you push me next time, alright? I just really want to go home.." He groaned again and doubled over into himself clutching his rib cage lightly. Kendall grabbed a sheet off of his hospital bed and draped it across James' shoulders to try to stop his shaking. James thanked him. Carlos pouted but knew it probably was for the best, and he honestly didn't want to argue over something so little when James desperately just wanted to go home and rest. He needed to rest. His body wasn't healed at all basically from the accident, it only happened four days ago.

Doctor Diamond re-entered the room then.

"James, I unfortunately can't take you home. The hospital just informed me I need to cover Dr. Bower's shift tonight, so I work a double shift today. If it wouldn't be too much for me to ask, I mean, I'd hate to intrude," He turned his attention to the boys and Mrs. Knight who just walked into the room. "Would James be able to go home with you for today? If not, that's alright, I understand. It's a lot of responsibility to take care of James, especially like this. But, I'd really like someone to be there for him since I can't today." Mrs. Knight smiled and shook her head.

"Of course he can come home with us, we love James! He's practically my kid!" She joked. Dr. Diamond smiled and let out a light laugh.

"Thank you so much, I cannot tell you how much I appreciate it! Here is his pain medication, give it to him as needed. And please make sure he rests. He needs to sleep as much as possible. The more he rests, the faster he heals." James' father handed Mrs. Knight the pharmacy bag with his prescription and turned his attention to the four boys.

"Lots of rest, got it?" He questioned with one eyebrow raised.

"Got it!" The three uninjured teens responded. James simply nodded, too weak and tired to muster up words.

"I'll see you tomorrow son, rest easy, alright? I love you.." Dr. Diamond kissed his sons head and James smiled and nodded in response.

Logan led the way to the lobby, wheeling James down the hall. Everyone following. They reached the hospital parking lot in just under five minutes and they all piled in. Mrs. Knight in the drivers seat, Carlos in the front passenger's seat, which he demanded since he didn't get to push James. No one complained though.

Kendall and Logan gently helped James into the left hand rear passenger seat of the car and slipped his seatbelt around him, then they went to the right side and jumped in themselves. Logan sat in the middle, being as he was the smallest member of the group, and Kendall sat behind Carlos to the right. The remaining passengers put on their seat belts and Mrs. Knight headed back to the Knight residence.

Everyone piled out of the car. Mrs Knight headed towards the front door to unlock it and inform Katie they were home. Kendall, Logan and Carlos climbed out and unbuckled James and gently hoisted him out of the car and into the wheelchair.

"I can walk, you know.." James tried to convince them he could. He didn't like the wheelchair. Even though yes, it did make things a lot easier on him he would rather be in more discomfort and walk and keep his pride. He was James Diamond, after all.

"Nope, not happening." Logan stated flatly. "You heard your dad, you need to rest. Walking is not resting, dude." He smiled and patted James on the shoulder before gripping the handles and pushing him towards the front door. James nodded. He didn't want to be pushed, he even offered to push himself. But no one would let him. After trying to fight it for a moment he gave up. His head was throbbing and his chest was beginning to ache from the pain. His medication was wearing off and everyone noticed his sudden silence.

"James, we're almost inside. We just need to lift you up my front step, then we're going to lay you down. You can just take my bed tonight, alright? I'll sleep on the floor or couch or something. I want you to be comfortable." Kendall stated, gripping one side of his wheelchair, Logan gripped the back and Carlos gripped the opposite side of Kendall.

"One...two..three..lift." The boys lifted James and his chair up Kendall's front step. Then Logan continued to push him inside the house. Inside Mrs. Knight and Katie were waiting in the living room. Mrs. Knight had James pills in one hand, and a glass of water in the other. While Katie had a quilt in her hands. Mrs. Knight frowned when she saw the pained expression on James' face.

"James, sweetie. Your medication is wearing off, are you in any pain?" She walked over to James and felt his forehead. He did feel like he had a fever, but still not a high one. The boys all looked at James with worry and Katie frowned. She walked up to James and wrapped her arms around his waist gently to not hurt him and hugged him.

"I missed you, you had us all worried. Don't ever do that again!" She tried to stifle her tears but one slid down her face. James frowned and wiped her tear away.

"I'm sorry Katie.." James stated. He was still very weak and his voice was barely audible. His body began to tremble again as a shot of pain ripped down his side. He winced and leaned forward letting out a pained groan. Katie immediately threw the blanket around James, wrapping him tightly in it. He smiled weakly and kissed her cheek.

"Thanks Ka-" Another roar of pain engulfed James and he huddled closer into himself grunting in pain. "TIE." He finished Katie's name with a pained groan.

Katie turned to her mother, brother, Logan and Carlos with pained eyes.

"Do something mom! He's in pain, fix him!"

Kendall went to Katie and wrapped her in his arms in a hug to try and comfort her. Mrs. Knight went to James and straightened him out, she handed him the pills.

"Take these, they'll help you feel better. And then off to bed, alright?"

James reached out a shaky hand and grabbed his pills. He quickly popped them in his mouth and swallowed them, almost choking on them. He began coughing and Mrs. Knight handed him the glass of water which he chugged. his body relaxed and he slumped in his chair, breathing heavily.

"Thanks...Mrs...Knight." He stated between breaths. Mrs. Knight smiled, ran a hand through his hair and then motioned for the boys to bring him to Kendall's room to rest.

"Anytime sweetie, now go. It's time for you to sleep. Sweet dreams, alright?" She kissed his head and Kendall grabbed the wheelchair.

"Carlos, wanna push James to my room?" He smiled at his friend. Carlos' grin grew enormous and he ran to take the wheelchair.

"Wait. You need to remember, this is not some crazy race. Push him slow, avoid any sharp movements or turns and just be careful, alright?" Carlos nodded. He gently pushed James to Kendall's room. Once they arrived the three boys helped James into the bed and covered him to his waist with the blanket on the bed, and up to his shoulders with the quilt Katie gave him.

James eyes were closed but he was still awake. His breathing was still heavy but his medication was starting to take affect. His pain was dim, but still there. The only thing still bothering him a lot was his head. It was spinning. He felt dizzy even though he was laying flat on his back and it was pounding. He could hear his slightly elevated heart rate ringing in his ears. He groaned out and then flinched when he felt a hand on his head.

"I think his temperature went up some since we got here, let me go grab a thermometer." Logan stated while exiting the room.

Kendall sat on the bed and brushed James' hair out of his face. He too noticed how much warmer James felt since bringing him to his room. Carlos offered to go grab another glass of water incase James got thirsty and Kendall nodded and thanked him. Just then Logan returned with the thermometer. He placed it in James' ear and pressed the button. James groaned again and then the thermometer beeped.

"103. It was only 100.5 when we left the hospital. Should we call his dad?" Logan asked. He then walked to Kendall's bathroom and grabbed a washcloth. He ran it through cold water and rang it out until it was only damp. He folded it into a rectangle shape, walked back into the room and placed it on James' forehead. "That might help keep the fever down a little."

Carlos returned to the room with the water and set it on the night stand beside James.

"Why the washcloth?" He asked with a chuckle. The other two boys glared at him. Carlos gulped in response. "What?"

"His fever went up. I'm worried. I think we should call his dad and ask what to do." Logan stated. James eyes fluttered open at that moment.

"No..I just have a headache..I'll be fine. No need to interrupt my dad at work. You know what you're doing Logan, I trust you'll do what's right without my dads assistance. Now, can I please sleep? Not that I don't love your company and all, but you heard my dad. I need to rest. It's kind of hard to do that with you three fussing over me at all times." James smiled weakly. "I just really want to sleep...I'm so tired.."

"Yeah, you need to rest." Kendall stated. "I'll be back in a little while to check on you, okay? Sleep tight."

"Don't let the bed bugs bite!" Finished Carlos with a smile. James returned the smile as his two friends left the room. Logan grabbed the wash cloth from James and went back to the bathroom to re-rinse the cloth before returning it to it's position on James' forehead.

"Rest up, bud. We're all here. If you need anything, don't hesitate to ask. Here," Logan placed a bell on the night stand. "If you need anything, meds, water, company, anything just ring this and we'll be right here." James smiled and nodded before closing his eyes and drifting off to sleep. Logan walked to the door and exited the room. He took a final look at his slumbering friend before closing the door behind him and returning to be with his other friends.

"I'm sure he'll be fine. I'll check on him in a little while. He'll be fine...he has to be.."

_**Ending Authors Note- Uh-oh! James doesn't remember how he ended up so hurt. Poor thing. Hope you guys enjoyed it. Sorry it took so long to update! Not going to lie, I had a major writers block for like..a week. lol BUT hope it isn't too terrible! Please read, REVIEW and enjoy! (Still only 1 review per chapter? No one likes my story? D': I am hurt.) lol no, it doesn't really matter. I'll continue to write this reguardless, however if you read it, PLEASE review it! Even if it's just to tell me what I need to work on. I really appreciate any and all help and try to put it to good use. Thanks again guys, enjoy! :)**_


	6. Chapter 6 Falling Apart

**Authors Note-Thank you guys soo so so much for your reviews! I really appreciate it a lot! I'm extremely glad to know people are actually seeming to enjoy my story! I have a set plan for this story and I just hope that everyone continues to enjoy it! Also, I do have one small note to add in here. This is not a slash story, Soo any close/fluffiness between the boys is strictly close friendship or "bro-mance" haha not "relationship" or anything like that haha SO with that, please, ENJOY! :)**

**Ch. 6- Falling Apart**

James opened his eyes and found that is was already dark outside. He glanced at the bedside table and realized it was almost Two O'clock in the morning. His head was killing him and his body was in agony. His medication had clearly completely worn off. His stomach was in knots and he knew he needed to go take his medicine and get some water or he would surely be in pain the rest of the night.

James sat up and laced his fingers in his hair. Why was everything spinning? He tossed his legs off the corner of the bed and rose to his feet. He immediately felt nauseous, he started clumsily walking towards the bathroom in Kendalls room when he tripped over something. James body crashed into the floor hard and he groaned out in pain.

"James, what are you doing! Why didn't you just wake me up? I'd rather ya yell at me then _fall_ on me!" Kendall crawled to where James was on the floor. He touched his shoulder and flipped him to face him.

"You okay? Where were you going?" His face had worry written all over it.

"I...I think I'm...I'm going to be sick." James covered his mouth with the palm of his hand to try to stop the nausea. Kendall wrapped his arms around James, picking him up. He quickly walked into the bathroom and gently dispensed James on the floor in front of the toilet. As soon as the seat was up, James expelled his insides into the toilet. His body shook as everything he may have eaten the day before erupted into it. His grip on the bowl was hard, turning his knuckles white. He choked and coughed into the toilet when nothing else was left to vomit up. Kendall rubbed James' back and cooed sweet nothings into his ear.

"Shhh...it's alright buddy, you're going to be okay...let it all out...it's okay, I'm here..."

James body went rigid as a surge of pain twisted through his side. He yelped out in pain and pried himself from the toilet. Kendall grabbed him and leaned James' body against his own, cradling the taller boy in his lap. James' body went limp. His breathing was extremely hard, almost to the point of hyperventilation. Kendall ran his hand through James' hair, pushing his sweaty matted bangs off of his face. James' cheeks were burning red and he was drenched in sweat. Kendall gently released his grip on James' hair and placed the hand to James cheek then to his forehead. James felt as though he was on fire.

"Woah James, you're burning up...let me go get Logan." Kendall laid James gently on the floor before shifting his weight to stand when he felt James fingers wrap around his wrist.

"Wait...please...please don't go, please don't...don't leave me.." James felt sick again and thrust himself at the toilet once again, relieving his stomach into the porcelain bowl. Kendall stood and rubbed James' back once more.

"I'll be right back. I'll only be gone for a minute, I promise." James only nodded in response. Kendall darted out of the bathroom and found Logan and Carlos in his living room. Logan on the couch and Carlos sleeping upside down on his La-Z-Boy recliner.

"Logan, get up, James is _really_ sick." Kendall shook the smaller boy until his eyes opened sleepily.

"Hmm...what did you say?" Logan asked with a yawn and a stretch.

"James, he's...he's really sick. He's burning up. I don't know what to do!"

With that both boys darted to the bathroom in Kendall's room. James was still hanging his head above the toilet, dry heaving. His body was shaking and his breathing was still hard and fast. His body would go rigid every few moments as torrents of pain ripped through him. Logan knelt beside James on the floor and rubbed his back soothingly. He could feel how warm the boy was through his black wife beater, which was clinging tightly to his drenched body. He shot his hand to James' face and pulled it away quickly at how hot it was.

"Oh my God-Kendall, go get the thermometer! And wake up your mom!" Kendall nodded and ran out of the bathroom. Logan wrapped his arms around James waist, slinging James' arm around his shoulder and practically dragged him back to the bed, gently laying him back down. Logan then darted back into the bathroom. He grabbed a washcloth and ran it through cold water. He also grabbed a garbage pale. Ringing the cold cloth out he ran back into the room. Laying the trash pale on the floor, he folded the washcloth and placed it on James burning hot forehead. Kendall and Mrs. Knight burst through the doors just as soon as he laid the cloth on his head.

"What's wrong with him?" Mrs. Knight demanded rushing to his bedside. Kendall thrust the thermometer into his ear while Logan answered.

"He's burning up and he's been throwing up. He's really sick Mama Knight, I'm worried. Maybe we should call the hospital..."

"No.." James stated, completely out of breath. just then the thermometer beeped.

"106.5. Logan, I've _never_ seen such a high temperature!" Kendall dropped the thermometer on the ground, too shocked at the numbers is was displaying.

Logan's eyebrows furrowed in concentration. Mrs. Knight pulled all of the blankets off of the bed. James' fever was too high for him to be surrounded by blankets.

"Mama Knight..I'm c-c-cold.." James closed his eyes as his body began to shake. He was trembling so hard it shook the entire bed. Mrs. Knight took the cloth from his forehead and wiped his entire face with it trying to remove some of his sweat.

"I know sweetie, but I can't give you a blanket, it'll just make your fever worse. Logan," She turned to the smaller brunette. "Hospital?"

Logan glanced at Mrs. Knight who's face was burning with concern. He then turned his attention to James. It was shocking and saddening to view his strong, sometimes over confident friend in the state he was currently in. His entire body was drenched in sweat and ferociously shaking, his hair was matted to his forehead and cheeks, which were a burning red color. He had dark circles under his eyes and the hallows of his cheeks were sharp. Had James lost weight? His teeth were chattering and he was groaning in pain between his gasped breaths. It was pathetic, really. James was so undeniably sick.

"James...I'm sorry buddy, but you need to go to the hospital. You're scorching hot, you look like shit and I _know_ you feel like shit. Sorry but, back to the hospital is your best bet.." James' eyes sleepily opened and he tilted his head towards Logan to look at him.

"Please.." He began before a cough interrupted him. He cleared his throat, gasped for another breath and continued.

"Please don't..don't make me go. Call my dad...call my dad if you have to. See if he can just tell you what to do..I don't..I _can't_ go back to the hospital. I can't take it. Please, Logan,_ please_!" James latched onto his side as a huge wave of pain smacked into him. He literally felt like he had been hit by a truck, or a train with how painful it was. James curled into himself the best he could. He threw his head back and let out the most excruciating call of pain any of them had ever heard. It was terrifying. Kendall leapt from his stationary position and lunged to James side. He instantly started rubbing the taller boys back.

"It's okay, James, shh...just try to relax, mom!" He turned his attention towards his mother. "Go get his medication! He's in a lot of pain, maybe that's why his fever is so high? If nothing else it'll take his pain away! And Logan," He shifted his sights to Logan. "Call James' dad! If James doesn't want to go to the hospital, lets try to not make him. Lets make him comfortable. You are good enough to treat him, and with his dad's lead I'm sure we can get his fever down and make him much more comfortable. Please, Logan! Why are you just standing there, call him!"

James trembling only worsened as time went by. Kendall was sure his fever was steadily rising as well, he could have almost sworn he could see steam rising from his friends body. Logan snapped out of it and grabbed his cell phone out of his pocket and immediately dialed James' fathers cell.

"Hello, Logan? Is everything alright?" Dr. Diamond sounded concerned, but calm. Logan couldn't help but let a tear slip from his eye lids.

"No. Nothing is alright, James is really bad off...He's trembling, he's drenched in sweat...and his fever..." Logan trailed off when he remembered James' temperature.

"What is his temperature, Logan?" James' father asked sternly.

"It's...it's.." He trailed off when Mrs. Knight took the phone from Logan.

"It was 106.5 when we took it last. That was about 10 or 15 minutes ago though and he only seems to be worsening. He refuses to let us take him to the hospital though. He wants you to tell us what to do over the phone. We're trying to just bring him to you but he refuses and-" James' father cut her off.

"It's alright, I understand him not wanting to come in. James has never been a fan of hospitals. Hmm.." Dr. Diamond trails off replaying their words in his mind.

"His temperature is way too high. Cool him down immediately. Ice packs would work, he'll hate it and he'll complain of being cold but do not take them off until his fever gets down to normal. At least down to 102 degrees. If that doesn't seem to help he can take a cold shower or bath as well. If nothing seems to be helping then give him an ice bath. When was the last time he took his medication?" He asked Mrs. Knight who was still on the phone, relaying the information to Logan and Kendall.

"He hasn't taken any since we got home, so it's been about nine and a half hours. I'll make sure he takes it now though." She then looked to Kendall. "Go grab James' medication and a glass of water, please? Thank you sweetie!" With his mothers words Kendall darted out of the room.

"Kendall is grabbing James' medication now. What should we do for the nausea?" Mrs. Knight asked. She ran her fingers through James' soaked hair which once again entangled itself around James' face.

"Honestly, once he takes his medication and his pain dulls I'm sure that will get rid of the nausea. His injuries are very painful, if they go without the medication it is very common for nausea to occur. I'm assuming as his pain fades, so will that. However, if it continues feel free to call me again and I'll give some more tips. Please, take care of my boy and call me as soon as the fever breaks. Give him a kiss for me.." With that Mrs. Knight smiles.

"Will do. I'm going to let you go. We'll take good care of James. I'll call you as soon as I have more news." With that James' father thanks her and gets off the phone. Kendall trots back into the room grasping James' pills in one hand, and a water bottle in the other. His mother grabs them and briskly walks back to James' Side. She gently hoists him into a sitting position and he takes the pills and drinks the water.

"James, honey, I know for a fact I don't have any bags so ice packs are out of the question. However, I need you to get up and take a cold shower, okay?" Logan goes to James' side and helps lift James to his feet. The taller brunette nearly collapses but Kendall rushes to the apposing side and catches him. James moans out in discomfort as the boys lead him into the bathroom.

"Boys, help James undress while I start the shower, please?" Kendall and Logan glance at each other, both thinking the exact same thing. Mrs. Knight notices this and sighs.

"Leave his boxers on, just take his shirt and sweat pants off, thank you!" Both boys give a sigh of relief and quickly do as they were told. James body was still shaking, sweat glistened off of his toned features. Mrs. Knight pulled back the shower curtain as Kendall and Logan helped ease James into the shower. He stood alright at first, grasping the wall with both hands, leaning all of his weight into it. But the water was just too unbearably cold and he was just too weak to hold himself up. James collapsed in the tub. Luckily, Kendall reached his arms out just in time so that the taller boy did not harm himself. He gently adjusted James' body in the tub so he was in a regular bathing position.

"Well, ice bath it is then. Logan, go grab a large pot and fill it with as much ice as you can please, and then bring it here. I'll let you know if we need more from there, alright? Thank you." With that Logan exited the room. Mrs. Knight put the drain down in the tub so that it was plugged. She then readjusted the shower so that the stream was coming from the bath faucet. The tub filled quickly with the cold water and James' shaking only got worse as the water level raised.

Logan returned to the room with the bucket and dumped it in the tub, he did that three more times until James entire body was completely submerged in icy cold water. His teeth were chattering loudly and his body was shaking so hard it looked as though he was convulsing. Kendall ran his hand through his friends hair and felt his cheeks to check his temperature.

"He still feels really hot...how long does this take? He's freezing..." James let out a cough and Mrs. Knight shrugged.

"I have no idea, his father didn't give me a time frame. He just said leave him in it until his fever breaks. Logan, will you help me look for the thermometer?" Logan nods his head and him and Mrs. Knight exit the bathroom. Kendall and James are alone. James' eyes open into slits and he turns his head to Kendall.

"K-K-Kendall..." He starts through his chilled chattering. "P-P-P-please...h-help-p m-me..." His body was shaking so hard Kendall didn't know what to do or how to help.

"Anything buddy, what do you want me to do?" Kendall's prominent eyebrows furrowed with concern for his best friend. James' cleared his throat and licked his lips.

"I-I-I know this is g-going to s-s-sound weird b-but...h-h-hold...hold me?" James looked almost embarrassed by his remark, but Kendall didn't care. He knew that James always seemed to get clingy while sick, as do most people. Plus, body heat is the best way to keep warm. Besides, his body heat couldn't do James any harm. It certainly couldn't keep his fever up, he was in an ice bath, after all.

"Of course, buddy." With that Kendall wrapped his arms around James shoulders. James snuggled his face into Kendalls chest, wrapping his arms around his best friend. Their embrace was about as close as you could get without James crawling out of the tub, or Kendall crawling in. James was shivering so hard it made tears well in Kendall's eyes. How could he have gotten so sick? Was this all from his injuries? He was feeling sick beforehand, which is how he got hurt in the first place, right? What if James' father is wrong, what if the ice bath is just going to make James even worse. James groaned out in pain and clutched himself closer to Kendall's body. Kendall ran his fingers softly through the brunettes hair. He knew it was always soothing to James when people played with his hair, even though he'd never admit it. In a small time frame James eyes drooped closed, and though his body continued to shake and his teeth continued to clang against each other his body relaxed as he drifted into unconsciousness. Kendall tightened his grip on his very sick, very slumbering friend. He laid his head on top of James', which was now lulled in the crook of his neck. Just then he heard commotion outside his door.

"Don't go in there, let him rest! Dammit, listen to me!" With that the door burst open and Carlos and Katie were standing in the opening. Carlos' face was mortified and Katie's jaw was agape, tears filling her eyes. Mrs. Knight walked in, followed by Logan who had the thermometer in his hand.

"What...what happened to him?" Katie asked wiping the tears from her face. Carlos eyed the two boys, who were involved in the closest man-hug he had ever seen.

"And uh...why are you two cuddling?" He couldn't help but give a small smirk at the findings, it was down right adorable. Two of his best friends involved in the most cuddly of embraces he'd ever witnessed. His two best guy friends, at that. Now that's a close friendship if he'd ever seen one.

"He was freezing, my body heat is making him more comfortable." He glares at their helmet clad friend, who's smirk disappears. Kendall ran his hand across the shivering brunettes forehead before returning to stroking his hair.

"I think his fever went down mom. Logan, take his temperature." With that the smaller raven haired boy strolled to the edge of the tub and placed the thermometer into James' ear. He pressed the button and a short moment went by before it beeped.

"104. It went down, but not low enough." Logan turned his attention towards Mrs. Knight.

"We'll keep him in the tub for a little while longer. I'm going to call his father and let him know his temperature is heading in the right direction. When I get off the phone, we'll check it again, alright? Kendall, keep doing what you're doing. He looks very comfortable. Logan, monitor him. And Carlos and Katie, just stay calm. Don't flip out, it will only cause James stress that he doesn't need. I'll be right back." With that, Mrs. Knight left the bathroom and called James' father. Kendall continued to stroke James' hair. Katie sat next to her brother on the bathroom floor and gently rubbed James' shoulders to try to pitch in on the comfort party. Carlos sat on the vanity, resting his head in his hands, Logan simply stood in the door way, leaning against the door frame keeping watch over everyone in the small room, especially James.

"So.." Carlos broke the silence. "What exactly happened?"

Kendall explained how he was sleeping on the bedroom floor when James stepped on him, which caused him to fall on him. He explained how James was immediately sick after that and he carried him into the bathroom.

"Woah, wait-you carried him?" Interrupted Carlos.

"Well, yeah. He was sick and I didn't want puke on my floor." Kendall rolled his eyes. "Besides, he should be resting, not running around at 2am." Their blonde best friend cleared his throat and continued.

"Anyways, when he was puking his body started shaking and he was in pain. He kind of fell away from the toilet. I leaned him against my lap. That's when I felt how warm he was. At that point I grabbed Logan. He too felt how much James was burning up. That's when we got my mom. We took his temperature. Oh my God you guys, I have never seen such a high temperature."

"What was it? I just saw it was 104 and you guys seemed relieved, but that's still really high.." Carlos trailed off.

"Dude, it was 106.5." At that point Katie gasped and wiped a stray tear from her cheek. Kendall shot a sympathetic glance at his sister.

"It was bad. My mom called his dad and he told us to put ice packs on him to get the temperature down. Well, we didn't have any bags. So he said next best thing was an ice bath. Which is what he's in now, obviously." They all glanced at James. His body was still shaking. He had goosebumps running down his arms and chest and his chattering lips almost seemed to be turning a shade of blue gray.

"How much longer does he have to be in there?" Katie asked. "He looks so..so _sick_."

"He _is_ sick, Katie. He's _really_ sick." Stated Kendall. He untangled his fingers from James' hair and placed his hand against his forehead once more. To his relief, it didn't feel that feverish at all now.

"Logan, thermometer. If it's down I want to get him out of this tub asap. I don't want him getting hypothermia or something from all this damn ice." Logan took two short strides to the side of the tub and leaned down placing the thermometer, once again, in James' ear. He hit the button and waited for the beep.

"101.5. His dad said if it hit 102 we could stop." Logan couldn't help but smile.

"Well, then lets get him the hell out of this ice pit." Kendall removed his left arm from around James and scooped it under his legs. He lifted the tall brunette out of the tub, Logan wrapped a towel around James the best he could for the position he held in Kendall's arms. Everyone made their way out of the bathroom and into the bedroom where Mrs. Knight had just walked in.

"He's out of the tub, fever down?" She asked.

"Yup, lower than expected at 101.5. Now, can you help us get him into some dry warm clothes before he goes into some kind of hypothermic shock or something?" Kendall asked. Mrs. Knight simply nodded. They laid James down and looked away as Mrs. Knight did what any mother would do. She undressed James, tossing his wet boxers to the side and replaced them with warm fresh clothes. Fresh boxers, a new wife beater, still black. And a fresh pair of dark gray sweat pants.

"Alright boys, it's safe to look now." Everyone turned back around to find James, fully clothed again laying on the bed. Mrs. Knight wrapped a thin blanket around the boys shivering frame.

"That's it? That tiny little blanket is all he gets after that ice bath?" Katie asks horrified. "Mom, he's freezing!" Mrs. Knight frowns. She walks to her daughter and wraps her in a tight hug.

"I know it doesn't seem like much, sweetie. But, James was in the ice due to a high fever. If we wrap him up again it's just going to bring his fever back up." She kisses Katie's head, wipes the tears from her eyes then releases her embrace and grabs her hand. "Now, lets go and let him rest. Everyone out. I know you're all worried about James, but he's going to be okay. We have his father on speed dial and he is up to date with James' condition. If he needs anything tonight, we'll all be here in our own way, as will his father. Now, everyone out. Kendall, you stay here and watch him, okay?" She smiles at her son who nods in response then ushers everyone else out of the room.

Kendall was the only one left in the room. He walked to his bed, gently sitting on the edge of it to not disturb the slumbering figure on the bed. He brushed his hand against James' face again, his temperature thankfully still seemed fine. Kendall began stroking James' hair again. Kendall stood and went to go back to his sleeping area he created on the floorboards of his room when he felt a cold shaking hand latch onto his wrist. It was as gentle as a flower petal, and just as soft.

"K-Kendal.." James eyes fluttered open. Kendall was shocked at how cold James touch was. Twenty minutes ago his touch could melt an iceberg, now he was the iceberg. Kendall grabbed James hand and sat back down on the bed.

"Hey buddy, how ya feeling?" He asked, shooting James a half smile.

"I'm really c-cold..could you...c-could you lay with m-me?" James eyes were pathetically pleading. Again, Kendall knew is wasn't some kind of weird cuddle game that James wanted, he genuinely just wanted the company and the warmth of another body pressed to his. Kendall gave a sheepish smile and a small giggle.

"Of course, buddy." With that, Kendall scooted closer to James on the bed, wrapping him in his arms. James wrapped his arms around Kendall's waist and rested his head on his shoulder. James teeth slowly but surely stopped shattering and his tremors slowed as the two teenage boys laid there. Kendall tucked the blanket firmer around James' body. The brunette smiled and closed his eyes.

"Thank you, Kendall." The blonde's eyes stared at his weaker friends face.

"For what, bud?" James just smiled then closed his eyes.

"Everything." With that unconsciousness stole James and he was down and out for the count. Kendall just hoped that his fever would stay down. Hopefully for good this time.

**Ending A/N- Hope you guys enjoyed that chapter. I feel so mean making poor Jamesey so sick, BUT I do have a set plan for this story and I know what's going down. I hope making him so bad off isn't making people dislike this story.**

**Side note, I honestly don't know if an ice bath is even slightly how they would treat a fever that high, I made that up. SO if that is not what they would do, then please excuse it. It is only a story, after all. So it doesn't have to be 100% accurate. It just has to be semi believable haha **

**ANYWHO please enjoy this chapter and please, rate, comment and REVIEW! :) **


	7. Chapter 7 Different

**Authors Note- Thanks SOOOOO much for all of the reviews! I appreciate them so much, I am so excited you're enjoying my story! Get ready, this chapter things kiiind of pick up at the end. Next chapter is going to change the entire story line and everything is going to be different (Well, kind of, anyways.) PLEASE enjoy and please REVIEW! :)**

**_**

**Ch. 7 -Different**

Kendall awoke to the familiar sound of giggling. He opened his eyes to be met with the curious grins of Carlos and Logan. At first, Kendall was confused as to why they were laughing at him. That is, until he felt the warm mass in his arms and remembered how he slept that night. James was still sleeping heavily in Kendall's warm embrace, his face gently resting on the blonde's chest. He looked peaceful, though his breathing was a little too hard and ragged for his likings. His cheeks were stained a dark pink color, which was _much_ better than the crimson red they were earlier that morning.

"Morning snuggle buddy! You two look awful comfy, something you need to tell us?" Carlos laughed at his own words which only made Logan chuckle softly beside him. Kendall immediately glared at his snickering friends.

"Shut the hell up. You two should be ashamed of yourselves. Do you not remember how freezing he was last night? He couldn't have a blanket, only that measly sheet and he was freezing to death, I couldn't just let him. Besides, we all know how clingy James tends to get whenever he's sick. Remember in 7th grade when he got the flu really bad?"

The boys all thought back to the day Kendall was referring to. It was a really bad winter that year. Blizzards seemed to be the only thing on the forecast for Minnesota. But the 'boys being boys' all decided to go play hockey anyways. The weather outside was dreadful, but they still managed to have one of the longest and best hockey games they had ever played. It was the best game James had ever played still to this date. The boys were walking back to Kendalls house tiredly after the game. Unbeknownst to them there was a slick patch on the road where water was. All of the boys were lucky and avoided it. All, of course, but James. His foot hit the wet patch and he fell into it. Soaking him from head to toe. His gloves were off and his helmet was off. He was utterly exposed to the harsh cold and now, he was soaking wet. Luckily, they were only a block from Kendalls house so they ran the remainder of the way.

Once they reached inside James collapsed in Kendalls living room. Mrs. Knight ran to him and asked what happened and why he was soaked. The boys explained and she rushed him to the bathroom and got him out of his soaking wet clothes. She made him take a hot shower, then got him some of Kendalls fresh warm clothes to dress in. He already had formed a fever by the time he got to the house so she gave him cold medicine and made him sleep in Kendalls bed. James has never been one to get sick, he always has had the best immune system compared to the other boys. However, when he does get sick. He gets really sick. He ended up getting an extremely bad case of influenza and was out of it for about three weeks. James was very clingy in that time frame. He needed at least one of his friends by his side at all times. The boys found it annoying but obliged anyways. He was their friend, after all. And being as sick as he was they would never leave him alone in his time of need.

Carlos and Logan frowned at the memory. They remembered thinking how sick he was then and honestly it was _nothing_ compared to how sick their best friend was now. Just then James groaned in his sleep. His medication was beginning to wear off again and he was feeling his pain. Kendall felt his fingers to James' forehead and was saddened to feel his fever had certainly gone back up, but relieved to know it was definitely not as high as it had been.

"Hey, someone get me the thermometer." Kendall pulled a strand of James' bangs behind his ear so that his ear was exposed for the thermometer. Logan handed him the temperature taking device and Kendall placed it in James' ear.

"103.5. I hate how his temperature fluctuates so much. Carlos, will you go get me a glass of water and his meds? I'm going to wake him up and see how he's feeling." Carlos nodded and exited the bedroom. Kendall gently shook James' frame to wake the slumbering boy.

"James, buddy get up. Come on, wake up." James groaned and tightened his eyes before they finally fluttered open. He squinted as the sunlight hit his retina's and buried his face into Kendalls chest.

"Come on bud, get up. How are you feeling, any better?" James unburied his face and looked to Kendall then to Logan, then back to Kendall. He blushed when he noticed he was snuggling to Kendall's side but ignored it.

"A little..my head hurts and my chest is really hurting." James laid his fingers on his ribcage before wincing at the pain it brought. All of the vomiting from last night must have aggravated his broken ribs and he was definitely feeling it today. Carlos returned to the room with James' pills and a coffee mug filled with water. Kendall helped James raise into a sitting position, which made his chest ache more. But he quickly took his medication which dulled the pain in just a handful of minutes.

"Why don't you lay back down James. We're going to go make some breakfast. You just rest in here and we'll bring you in some, alright?" Kendall stood at that point and started walking away from his bed. James didn't want to be alone in the room, but he honestly did not feel up to waking up yet. While his discomfort was dulled from his medication, he was still in a remarkable amount of pain and he was drained from last night. So he simply nodded, laying back down on the bed and snuggling into the sheet he was given. He was out cold in a matter of seconds.

The remaining boys walked into the kitchen where they found Mrs. Knight and Katie preparing a breakfast of bacon and eggs.

"How is James doing?" She questioned her son not taking her eyes off the bacon she was currently flipping to crisp the opposite side of.

"He's doing much better than last night. His fever went up a little, but it's not _too_ too bad. I'm going to monitor it and make sure it doesn't go up any higher. He just took his meds and he's resting now." Kendall sat at the dining room table and sipped at the orange juice his mother laid out for him and his friends. Logan stretched and grabbed for his glass of orange juice as well, while Carlos buttered and drizzled honey on an english muffin that Katie laid out in front of him. He gnawed at it ravenously causing the other two boys to chuckle at him. You'd think the boy never ate.

"Good, I'm glad he's doing better. We were all really worried about him. I talked to his father and he wants James to stay here another night since he's still going to be tied up at the hospital. I told him of course we don't mind." Mrs. Knight finished the bacon and laid it with the remaining slices she had previously cooked on a plate with paper towels to absorb the excess grease. She then turned her attention to the eggs. It was a huge pan filled with cheesy scrambled eggs, since all of them preferred their eggs scrambled. She also made hash browns which were sitting in a skillet on the back burner.

"Breakfast is ready, dig in boys. Who wants to bring a plate to James?" Mrs. Knight didn't even wait for a reply. She made a small plate with a serving of two slices of bacon, a tiny helping of eggs, about a quarter cup of hash browns and two triangles of toast which she handed to Kendall. Kendall took the plate, also grabbing a glass of juice and walked back into his bedroom. James was curled up under his sheet with one arm resting under his pillow and another wrapped in the blanker and tucked under his chin. He looked cold, but comfortable. Kendall walked to the bedside, setting the plate and the juice down he sat on the bed, gently shaking James to wake him. James groaned but opened his eyes.

"Hey buddy, my mom made bacon and eggs for breakfast. You're plates right there." He pointed his fingers at the nightstand. James glanced over to it then back to Kendall.

"Thanks, but...I'm really not hungry." Kendall frowned at his response.

"James, you need to eat something. How about the toast, can you at least have the toast? We didn't put butter, honey or jam on it, it's plain. My mom figured you wouldn't be hungry, but you need to eat something." James didn't respond. Kendall grabbed the plate from the nightstand and handed it to James who unwillingly took it. He glanced at the plate. The food looked delicious, but the smell turned his stomach. James handed the plate back to Kendall and covered his nose and mouth with his hand. Kendall realized James' discomfort and wrapped his arm around his friends shoulder.

"You going to be sick?" He asked. James could only nod in response. Kendall whisked James into his hands and hurried him to the bathroom. He threw the toilet seat up and James thrust himself at the toilet, clinging onto it for dear life. He vomited with force he didn't think was possible, considering there was no food in his stomach. Kendall rubbed his friends back soothingly. Once James finished his body gave out and he slid to the floor, resting his face against the cold tile. The two boys stayed there for a few moments while James caught his breath. Kendall rubbed his back continuously the entire time. James finally sat up, wiping at his mouth and clearing the burning sensation from his throat.

"Sorry..." He turned away from Kendall ashamed.

"For what, buddy?" Kendall frowned.

"For being sick. I'm so sick, I don't understand what's wrong with me." James laced his fingers into his hair, gently tugging at it. Kendall looked at him confused for a minute.

"There is nothing to be sorry for, James. People get sick, it's normal. You can't help it. It's not like you wanted to be sick." James looked at his friend.

"I've _never_ been this sick before Kendall, I'm...I'm _scared_." With that, Kendall pulled James into a warm comforting hug.

"Don't be scared buddy, you'll be better in no time. We won't let anything happen to you, and neither will your dad. We'll all take good care of you, I promise." James smiled and nodded into Kendalls chest. The two boys went back into the bedroom. James laid down, cradling his throbbing head in one hand, and his aching chest in the other. Kendall sat down next to him and James let out a soft moan. Kendall pressed his palm to his friends shoulder.

"What's hurting? Do you need more medicine?" James swallowed the bitter taste in his mouth and looked into Kendall's eyes.

"My head really hurts. I have a headache from hell..." He groaned again, latching onto his hair tighter. "God it hurts so bad." He closed his eyes tightly trying to control the pain. Kendall rubbed James' shoulder before wiping at his forehead which was littered with beads of sweat. His temperate still seemed the same but it worried Kendall that his head hurt that bad and he was sweating again.

"I'll be right back, alright buddy? I'm going to go get Logan. Kendall stood and started walking towards the door. James groaned again but let his friend exit the room without any complaints. A few moments went by until Kendall and Logan returned to the room. Both boys walked to James' bedside and sat on the bed.

"What hurts, buddy?" Logan asked, running his fingers across James' forehead to check his temperature and wipe away his sweat. James groaned and let out a soft cough.

"My chest hurts. I think all the vomiting is really upsetting my broken ribs. What hurts the most though, is my head. It's pounding. I feel dizzy and I'm not doing anything." James tightened his grip in his hair as another pang of pain tore through his skull. Logan furrowed his eye brows.

"Hmm..I don't think we should give you another pill James. Pain killers can become addictive, and there's also always the possibility of overdosing. Since we just gave you a pill less than thirty minutes ago, I'd really rather wait before we give you another one." Logan finished his statement just as a loud boom of thunder ran through the room, shaking the windows. A storm was rolling in, the sky changed from a brilliant blue to a dark gray in a matter of minutes and they all knew in no time sheets of rain would be surrounding the entire area. The thunder, however, just made James' head hurt more. As another sonic boom of thunder tore through the house he couldn't help but wince at the pain it caused to his head. Logan frowned.

"Hey, you just try to sleep some more, okay? You need to rest, last night was extremely rough on you." Logan covered James with his sheet some more, tucking the edges under the taller brunette's body. He then turned his attention to Kendall.

"He eat anything?" Kendall shook his head no.

"No, he saw the food and it made him sick, so he threw up." Both boys looked to James, who had thankfully quickly succumbed to unconsciousness.

"I don't like this at all. The lack of an appetite, he's barely eaten anything since we came back to Minnesota. The nausea, the fatigue. The pounding headache." Logan trails off. Kendall notices his friends rambling.

"What are you getting at, Logan? What are you saying?" Logan closes his eyes and lets out a deep sigh.

"I just hope there's nothing more to this is all. I just hope it's just a bad cold or the flu again and not something more serious." Both boys lower their heads in deep thought. Something more serious? Just then a flash of lighting lit up the sky. Thunder cracked like a whip and the heavens opened unleashing a downpour of rain. Luckily, James didn't stir. He laid there sleeping heavily. Both boys decided to exit the room, they knew they'd be back in to check on him in no time. Kendall grabbed the now cold plate of breakfast from James' bedside table and both boys exited the room, closing the door behind them.

Kendall walked into the kitchen where Carlos was munching on a piece of bacon. Mrs. Knight and Katie were no where in sight.

"Where's my mom?" Kendall asked dumping the contents of James' breakfast in the trash can. Carlos responded, mouth still full of food.

"Store. Your mom wanted to go get some ginger ale, cough drops and some bags, you know, incase his fever flares up again." Carlos swollowed the bacon he was chewing and took a swig of orange juice.

"And Katie is in her room. She didn't want to go to the store incase we needed help with James." Kendall smiled. He was proud of his little sister. Always there for any of them when they needed her.

"How's he doing?" Carlos asked gesturing towards Kendalls bedroom door.

"Eh, he's doing so so right now. His fever's gone up, but it's not nearly as bad as it was last night. His head is really bothering him though and his chest hurts. He's sleeping right now." Kendall stated sitting at the kitchen table nibbling at an english muffin.

"I'm worried though," Started Logan. "I don't like his loss of appetite, his fever fluctuation, nausea, the fatigue. His headache and body ache in general. I'm just hoping it is just a cold or flu." Logan finished sitting on the kitchen counter.

"Well, what else could it be?" Carlos asked dumbfounded. Just as Logan went to answer another crack of thunder shook the entire house and the power went out. Katie scrambled out of her room and into the kitchen.

"Sooo the power just went out, and even though it's only, oh, 11 o'clock it's super dark. I refuse to go back in my room alone, can I stay out here with you guys?" She looked to her big brother with her large brown doe-like eyes.

"Of course, Katie. You don't have to ask." Kendall ruffled her hair. They could hear James in the bedroom groaning and they could hear the bed squeak as he was tossing and turning.

"He doesn't sound like he's doing well, should we go check on him?" Katie asked. It seemed like every couple minutes they needed to check on James. One second he'd be fine, the next he'd be practically knocking on deaths door.

"Yeah, lets check on him, you lead the way baby sister." Kendall motioned for Katie to go to the bedroom.

"I want to take his temperature again," Stated Logan. "It's been about forty-five minutes since we last took it, so I'd like to make sure it hasn't spiked up again."

With that everyone in the house piled into Kendalls room. James was sprawled out on the bed, one hand clutching his head, the other ripping at his shirt above his ribcage. His face was contorted with pain as he was loudly groaning out, tossing around the bed uncomfortably. Logan walked to his side and saw the sweat that drenched his body.

"No, please, not _again_." He stated while he shoved the thermometer into James' ear. It beeped and he pulled it out.

"103.5. It's the same but his symptoms seem worse. Guys, I really don't like this, not one bit." Logan sat on the bed and gently shook James' shoulder which 'caused him to yelp in pain.

"Ouch Logan, please stop, my chest hurts.." He trailed off as he opened his eyes. He looked around to all of the faces in the room. His eyes were tired, dark bags lined under them. They looked clouded and unfocused.

"Why are you guys moving? Please stop you're making me dizzy.." James clenched his eyes shut trying to clear the dizziness that evaded him.

"We're not moving, James." Carlos stated cooly. "We're all standing still." James opened his eyes again.

"Why is everything spinning?" He clenched at his hair tighter and gasped out in pain. "God it hurts so bad, make it stop!" Logan looked to Kendall, who returned the glance.

"Buddy, what hurts?" Kendall asked. Even though he knew the answer.

"M-my head...it hurts so bad...it-" He yelled out in pain, throwing his other hand to his head, clenching his hair tightly in both fists. He was practically ripping at his hair as his back arched off the bed.

"It hurts so bad! God, make it stop! Make it stop, please!" James continued chanting those words over and over, but salvation never came. He felt as though his head was being crushed my a sledge hammer and he couldn't help the fact that he was no longer crying out in pain, he was screaming.

"Please, make it stop! Ow, God, why? Please, please make it stop, make it go away!" James now had tears cascading down his face as his tired and pained screams bellowed through the house. Logan and Kendall were now rubbing James, trying their absolute best to comfort him, failing miserably. While Carlos was hugging the crying Katie close to him. Thankfully, in the midst of all the commotion Mrs. Knight returned home from the grocery store. She heard James' pained cries from the room and could hear Logan and Kendall's comforting words. She dug through the brown paper grocery bag until she found the box of ziplock sandwich sized bags. She hurriedly took one out of the box, filling it with ice. She then ran to the sink, snatching the washcloth and running it under cold water. Mrs. Knight rung out the washcloth and wrapped it around the bag of ice before darting into Kendall's room.

Mrs. Knight thrust the door open. The sight she was greeted with was heart wrenching. Carlos was hugging Katie tightly against his chest, she was sobbing heavily into it. His face had tears running down it as well. Kendall was rubbing James' shoulder and telling him it's okay, just breath, you're going to be alright, while Logan was doing the same thing only he was rubbing his lower thigh closer to his knee. James was, well...James was wreathing in pain on the bed, begging, no, screaming for it to stop. His fists pulling at his hair as tears streamed down his face. Mrs. Knight ran to the bedside where Kendall's eyes pleaded for her to help them. She sat on the bed and tried talking to James to calm him down.

"James, sweetie, I need you to listen to me. I need you to calm down. James, please listen to me." James tried to stop but the pain in his head was too great. Finally Mrs. Knight instructed Logan and Kendall to restrain James' arms. He was just going to hurt himself more ripping at his head like that. Both boys hated it, but they did as they were told. Each one grabbing one of James' wrists and pinning them against his pillow. James could only yelp out in more pain as Mrs. Knight gently placed the ice pack to James' forehead.

At first he was still screaming out for them to make it stop, but as time went on and the seconds turned to minutes the pain slowly but surely began to fade, leaving James finally calmed on the bed, struggling to breathe. His gasps for air were hard and shallow, causing him to wheeze but at least he wasn't screaming out in pain anymore. A huge waive of relief calmed the entire room. Everyone staring silently at James. Katie had finally calmed down and she was no longer crying, though her large brown eyes were puffy from the tears. She sat in her mothers lap on the edge of the bed and stared at James, gently running her fingers up and down his arms to comfort him. James' eyes peeled open just barely into slits. They looked pained, and completely exhausted.

"I'm s-sorry..." James stated in a whisper before closing his eyes again and drifting back into unconsciousness.

"What the _hell_ was all of _that_? What just happened? What kind of headache was _that_!" Carlos bellowed through the room which 'caused a chain reaction of shushing from everyone in the room.

"I don't know, but what I _do_ know is I'm calling his father." With that Mrs. Knight exited the room and motioned for everyone to follow. Everyone did with the exception of Katie.

"Katie, come on, lets let him rest." Stated Kendall, motioning for his sister to follow but she shook her head in disapproval.

"No, big brother. I'm not going to leave him. I promise to stay quiet and let him sleep. I just want to stay here.." Kendall gave his sister a half smile.

"Katie, you don't have to do that, we're all here for James, you don't have-" But Katie interrupted.

"I want to, Kendall. What if he wakes up, even more sick or in pain and no one hears him or is around. I'll just stay in here and watch him." She sat on the bed next to James and gently rubbed circles into the older boys shoulder. Kendall gave up. In some ways he was angry that his sister refused to listen, but at the same time he was extremely proud of her. Sure, she could be hard headed and not listen at times, but so could he. He was proud that she stood up for what she believed in, and he was enthralled that she cared so strongly to stick around and make absolutely sure that James would be alright and not alone, not even for a second.

"Alright baby sister, but, if he wakes up or his symptoms flare back up come get us, alright?" Katie simply nodded. Kendall came back into the room and kissed his sister on her forehead before exiting the room. Katie just watched James' sleeping form, rubbing comforting circles on his shoulder.

"Don't worry Jamie, I'll watch over you." Katie laid down next to James, continuing the comforting circles. She could almost swear she saw a small smile creep across his beautiful features.

Kendall, Logan and Carlos all sat in the living room. Carlos picked up the remote and went to turn the television on.

"The powers out, dork. The TV isn't going to turn on." Logan rolled his eyes at his friend.

"Okay, first of all _Logaine_, I am not a dork. and B. shut up!" Carlos smiled at his smart friend. Logan couldn't help but laugh.

"Alrighty, well, first of all that should have been 'first of all and second of all', not first of all and B, _DORK_!" Carlos simply glared at his friend, arrogantly showing off his smarts again. Kendall rolled his eyes.

"Quiet, you two! We need to think of something we can do for James." Both boys ceased their silly banter. Time silently passed while the three friends sat in silence just thinking about James. All of his symptoms, what his father said and just trying to think of something, anything they could do to make him feel better. After close to an hour of silence passed Logan finally spoke up.

"I really don't like his symptoms. They worry me." He hung his head low running the symptoms off in his mind.

"Oh yeah, Logie. You were going to say something about that earlier, but you never said it. Isn't it just a cold or flu?" Carlos asked innocently.

Logan looked up at his friends. At first he didn't reply. Finally he took a deep breath and began his small speech.

"Fever fluctuation, nausea, fatigue, weakness, headache, body ache, loss of appetite, clumsiness, difficulty walking, abnormalities in vision. I mean, it could indeed just be a serious case of the cold, or flu. But it could be numerous other things, too." He stated reverting his vision from his friends, hoping they wouldn't ask what the other numerous possibilities could be.

"Technicalities in vision?" Carlos asked giving a confused look at Logan. Logan sighed and shook his head.

"Not _technicalities_, Carlos. _Abnormalities._ When he's looking at things he says everything is either spinning or blurred. It means things aren't clear or normal." Carlos only nodded and smiled in understanding.

"Oh, okay, that makes more sense." Kendall furrowed his large eyebrows.

"When you list all of his symptoms it sounds really bad. What else could it be, Logan?" Both boys turned their attention to their doctorly friend. Logan looked at them, eyes wide.

"Well, it's hard to say, it could be numerous things.." He trailed off. Carlos opened his mouth to ask another question but was interrupted. Katie's loud horrified scream ripped through the house. Kendall was the first to lunge from his position on the couch and run to his room, the others were close behind. When they opened the door they all gasped in disbelief.

There, on the bed, was James. His body was shaking and convulsing. He was drenched in sweat, his eyes rolled to the back of his head. Blood pouring from his nose, ears and mouth. It was like something straight out of a horror film. Katie was shaking his shoulders screaming his name and begging him to answer her to no avail. When she saw Kendall she turned her tear stained face towards him.

"Kendall, save him! He's dying, please save him!" James was choking on the blood pouring from his nose and mouth, every few seconds he would cough extra blood up and fight for his next breath. Logan ran to his side screaming for someone to call 911.

"No, God...no, JAMES!"

**_**

**Ending Authors Note- Hope you guys enjoyed, poor James! Blood coming out of his nose, mouth and ears! (By the way kids, just picture what happened to Ashton Kutchers character in The Butterfly Effect, that's kind of how I imagined it haha) Stay tuned for the next chapter, things are going to get nuts!**

**Can anyone guess what's wrong with Jamie-poo?**

**By the way, the wet patch he slipped in during the flashback, I know it sounds unrealistic considering everything was icy and frozed since there was a blizzard, BUT just roll with it, okay? It needed to be done. We'll just say a hot car was there and melted all ice and he just happened to slip into that one single puddle. lol**

**PLEASE read and review and ENJOY! **


	8. Chapter 8 Finally, Answers

**Authors Note- Okay guys. In this chapter you find out what wrong with James. Don't hate me! I did a lot of research on this so I hope it turns out okay. Please read, review and enjoy. And don't pelt me with rocks D:**

**Oh! I am totally going to do some shout outs here.**

**Okay guys, seriously you all need to check out emmylosers's stories, she is an AH-MA-ZING author. ALL of her stories are fantastic and she deserves to be recognized. Seriously, check her stuff out. Do it. Do it NOW! I'm not asking, I am telling. :P For real guys. Her fics are amazing and she writes everything out so nicely. I am jealous. Check her out!**

**Also, check out PizzaTop21. Her stories are also amazing! She has a story in the works now that is a tear jerker guys. So check it! Two awesome authors who DESERVE RECOGNITION!**

**Anywho, without further adieu, please ENJOY!**

**Chapter 8- Finally, Answers**

The gurney with James on it was whisked hurriedly down the hallways of Minnesota General Hospital. His body was still wreathing and blood continuously was pouring from his nostrils, mouth and ears. His tears were also streaming down his face, mixing with the blood smeared across his cheeks and chin, making a salty metallic pink path down his neck. His friends were running alongside the paramedics, Kendall had James' hand grasped firmly in his own.

"It's alright James, everything is going to be okay, just hang on, alright buddy? I need you to stay with me, we need you to stay with us!" With that the paramedics entered the elevator and informed Kendall, Carlos, Logan, Mrs. Knight and Katie that they could not follow, they were heading to the emergency room. Kendall squeezed James' hand reassuringly, the brunette's pained hazel eyes looking into his horrified green eyes, begging him not to leave him. Kendall squeezed James' hand once more before releasing it. He looked at James and tried to be as reassuring as possible.

"You're going to be okay, we'll be right here for you, you're going to be okay, I promise!" With that the elevator door closed. James' friends all walked into the waiting room and took a seat. The waiting room was oddly barren and eerily silent. No one knowing what to say. Kendall leaned his head against the back of his chair and closed his eyes.

_James' heart monitor was beating rapidly. The small lines on the EKG were raising high in rapid strokes. James stiffened his body and called out in pain and then there was nothing. His body went limp and the EKG went flat, a steady line across the screen with no small spikes whatsoever. The loud singular beep was disheartening._

_"Clear!" the doctor screamed as they shocked James' chest. His heart beep jumped then went flat again._

_"Again, we're losing him! Clear!"_

_Flatline._

_"Clear!"_

_Nothing._

_"Dammit James, come on, clear!" The shock shook his body but the beeping never returned. The doctor set down the instruments he was using to shock James' chest. He removed his gloves and pulled his mask away from his face. He glanced at the analog clock on the hospital wall._

_"I'm calling it," He checked James' pulse once more, even though the machine was quite clear in it's readings._

_"Time of death, 5:42PM." The doctor pulled the starched white sheet from James' waist up over his chest and finally over his head. There, laying on the gurney, was 18 year old James Diamond. His heart was still, his skin stark and cold. He was gone._

Kendall leapt from his sleep with a scream. He was drenched in sweat and tears were pouring from his eyes. Carlos, who had also fallen asleep nearly jumped out of his skin from the fright of Kendalls sudden alertness.

"What the _fuck_ Kendall, are you okay?" Carlos asked, practically shrieking, placing his hand on his now racing heart. By now the two boys loud screaming had awoken everyone else in the waiting room. Kendall bowed his head quickly wiping his tears from his face but his sobbing continued. Logan stood from his seat across the waiting room, making his way towards his friend. He took a seat on the opposite side as Carlos, next to Kendall, stroking the blonde's back.

"Shhh it's okay Kendall, it's alright. What happened?" Kendall peeled his face from his palms and stared at Logan. He buried his face back into his palms and shook lightly under Logan's soft touch.

"Oh God..it was terrible!" He huffed wiping away at the new tears that fell. "A terrible, awful, horrible nightmare!" He quickly raised his head once more.

"It was a nightmare right? Where's James, is he okay? Oh God. Oh God, no. Please, Logan! Please tell me it was just a nightmare!" He turned to his smaller friend, burying his face into his shoulder, quickly soaking his shirt with his tears. Logan ran his fingers through Kendall's hair, using his other hand to rub his back.

"Shhh...it's okay, Kendall. James is alright. He's still in with the doctor. What was your nightmare, please let us know, Kendall." Kendall sniffled, rubbing at his reddened eyes.

"Thank God! Oh Logan, it was awful..James, he..he _d-died_! It was so real Logan, so real! I saw him take his last breath! I watched the doctors try to shock his heart back to life, they tried so hard to revive him, Logan! But, nothing was working. James died!" Kendall let out one small sob before continuing.

"He was so pale, Logan, _so pale_. It was so real. I watched them call his time of death. I watched them pull the sheets over his head. He was dead, Logan! He was gone and there was nothing anyone could do!" Kendall let himself cry again. Logan, Carlos, Katie and Mrs. Knight all had tears welled in their eyes, and Katie began to softly sob at her big brothers words. That had to have been the worst dream anyone could have ever had. Logan rubbed Kendall's back soothingly.

"Shhh it's okay, Kendall. It was just a nightmare. James is still alive, he's going to be okay. Shh everything is going to be okay." Silence filled the air once more, aside from the sobbing in the small waiting room. After another good forty minutes or so the sobbing slowly but surely began to cease. Katie had cried herself back to sleep, Kendall had fallen asleep, his head lulled onto Logan's shoulder. Carlos was passed out, laying in the chair in an awkward sideways manner, his legs heaved over the back of the chair.

Logan was the only one still conscious. He was rubbing Kendall's shoulder and arm reassuringly. He looked calm on the outside, but inside he was panicking. They brought James to the hospital around four o'clock in the afternoon. It was now nearing eight o'clock at night and no one had heard anything on James' condition. Logan decided that the only thing that would calm his nerves would be to join the rest of his small group and sleep. He rested his head on top of Kendalls and closed his eyes. He was finally beginning his journey to unconsciousness when he heard the clacking of hard soled shoes coming towards him. Logan didn't think anything of it. He had heard it plenty of times before, desperately praying it was James' doctor only to be let down time and time again. He wouldn't let himself get excited this time.

"James Diamond?" On second though, _sure_ he would! Logan jolted awake, which in turn woke Kendall up as well. Both boys stared at the man standing before them.

"Are you boys here for James Diamond?" He asked. The two boys nodded in response.

"Hello, I'm Dr. Hoffman, I'm James' doctor for tonight. He is currently in a stable condition. We stopped the bleeding and his small seizure. He is resting in room 28B if you would like to see him. Please be quiet, he needs his rest." Both boys nodded and stood to wake the rest of their group.

"Wait," Logan started. "What exactly is wrong with him?" The doctor turned towards them and sighed.

"Honestly, we don't know. He had a seizure which is most commonly caused by epilepsy, which James does not have. We've drawn blood and we are waiting until he is conscious to run more tests. We will get to the bottom of this. We'll find out what's wrong with him and we'll fix it. His father is in with him now, but he's leaving to care for his patient in just a moment. So he should be all yours by the time you all reach the room." The doctor stated as he turned to leave.

"Why isn't his father treating him, if you don't mind me asking? Not that you're not capable of treating him, of course." Kendall asked, reaching his hand up to the back of his head and running his fingers through his hair. The doctor looked back and smiled softly at them.

"Patient doctor relationship. He can treat his son for small things such as broken limbs or small abrasions, but James' case appears to have the possibility of being much more than that. So the hospital board has instructed me to be his primary care physician while he is treated here. Of course, James' father, Dr. Diamond will be included in all of his treatments. He is, after all, my teacher. I learned everything I know from him. James will be in very good hands, under both of our supervision during his stay here." Dr. Hoffman smiled warmly at the two boys then exited the waiting room. Kendall and Logan shook the remaining members of their group and informed them of James' condition. They all silently walked to room 38B  
><strong><span>_<span>**

Mrs. Knight gave a whispered warning to be quiet as they all entered the room. Everyone nodded in agreement and Mrs. Knight twisted the handle and opened the door, everyone silently trudged inside. James was asleep on the small hospital bed. He had an IV in his arm and was connected to a heart monitor, which was beeping at what appeared to be a healthy normal rate, relieving Kendall to the greatest extent. Kendall walked to James' bedside, sitting in the nearest chair which he proceeded to scoot as close to the bed as possible. Kendall picked up James' hand and held it in his own, rubbing small circles with his thumb over it. He was shocked at James' appearance. He was pale, much paler than he normally was. His hair was limp and plastered to his sweaty forehead and cheeks. His eyes appeared sunken in with large dark circles beneath them. He had been sleeping for hours now, but it looked as though he hadn't slept a wink in weeks. James looked completely and utterly exhausted. Logan grabbed a chair and pulled it next to Kendall. He gently ran his fingers across James' forehead.

"He doesn't feel very feverish now, that's good." He stated with a half smile.

"Logan, he looks like _shit_." Kendall pointed out matter-o-factly. "I didn't think it was possible for _the_ James Diamond to look so downright awful." He continued, running his fingers through James' hair to release it's death grip on his features. Carlos walked over to the empty hospital bed that was next to James and plopped down on it. Katie followed and sat next to him. Mrs. Knight shut the door and lifted Katie onto her lap as she too sat on the empty hospital bed. They all sat silently for quite some time until finally James began to stir. He moaned lightly and then he opened his eyes.

"Hey guys..."He said calmly with a light yawn.

"Hey man, how are you feeling? You really gave us a scare." Kendall asked, plastering a smile on his face. James' eyes wandered around the room, taking in all of the faces looking at him.

"I'm okay now. Just really tired." He closed his eyes for a few seconds then opened them back up. Logan nodded.

"That's understandable. You've been through a lot the past couple days. You just try to rest, okay?" James nodded and closed his eyes. The room was silent for a second.

"Hey," James said, not bothering to open his eyes. "What did they say is wrong with me?" He asked. Logan shifted in his chair.

"They didn't say. All they told us was that they drew some blood and that once you're conscious they'll run more tests." Logan finished.

"What kind of tests?" James asked, now opening his eyes.

"Ah good, you're awake." Dr. Hoffman entered the room then, clutching James' hospital records file in his hand. He walked over to the teen and sat on the corner of his bed.

"Now that you're awake, we're going to be running a few tests on you to see what's causing these weird things to happen to you, alright?" The doctor smiled warmly at James. James' simply cleared his throat and then repeated his question once more.

"What kind of tests?" Dr Hoffman patted James' leg to reassure him.

"Don't worry, none of them will hurt, if that's what you're worried about. We already drew a few blood samples, they're testing them in the lab now. We need to take a few X-rays and give you a CT scan." James nodded.

"Do you have any assumptions to give us an idea of what it could possibly be that's happening to him?" Logan asked curiously. The doctor simply shook his head.

"There are multiple things it could be. We don't want to name anything without the results from the tests. It could be nothing, or it could be something serious. We'll just have to run the tests and see." With that a nurse rolled in a wheelchair. Dr. Hoffman and the nurse eased James from his hospital bed into the wheelchair and started pushing him towards the room which contained the X-ray machines. Kendall squeezed James' hand and smiled before releasing it.

"See you soon James, you're going to be fine!" With that the door closed leaving everyone waiting in his room silently.

"On the count of three I want you to hold your breath, alright, James? You need to be completely still for the X-rays." Dr. Hoffman instructed. James was standing against a wall, the X-ray machine pointed at his chest.

"Okay James, ready? One...two...three." James sucked in a breath of air and held it. The doctor started the machine.

"Hold it until I say you can breathe, okay? I promise it won't be long." James had only been holding his breath for about ten seconds but he felt like he had been for an hour. His chest burned from the puff of air in his lungs, and his head throbbed. He felt lightheaded. Just as he thought he was for sure going to pass out..

"Okay, breathe." James nearly collapsed from the sudden exhale, then sharp inhale to his lungs. It stung but was welcome. He heaved his breaths a few times. The X-ray process continued about three more times. The doctor X-rayed his chest, his back and both of his sides. Finally he instructed James he could sit. James slid onto his wheelchair and buried his head in his hands. He simply sat there and tried to calm his breathing. He kept repeating to himself in his mind. Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out.

"Good job James, nurse Nancy is going to push you to the CT scan room now, alright? I'll be right in, I'm just going to develop your X-rays first. Meet you there." James nodded as the nurse pushed him to the room at the opposite end of the hall. She helped him lay down on the flat bed of the machine.

"I need to give you one last shot, alright sweetie? It's a dye so we can see any abnormalities in your body at all." James nodded and closed his eyes tightly as nurse Nancy injected the shot of dye into his bloodstream. James looked nervous. His biggest fear was needles, but next to that he hated tight confined area's, James was claustrophobic. The CT scan machine was just a large tube. He wasn't even in it all the way when he felt himself start to panic.

"It's okay, James. This machine won't hurt you. It's open on both ends and it only takes a few minutes for it work. I promise it won't hurt. If you feel nervous, just close your eyes and take deep breaths." She smiled sweetly at James. She was a nice woman, probably in her late fifties, early sixties. She was pleasantly plump and had the sweetest smile. Just knowing nurse Nancy was telling him he'd be alright, he felt comforted by her words. James nodded and closed his eyes tightly simply remembering to breathe. Finally nurse Nancy started up the CT scan. The flat bed he was on moved slowly inside of the tubed walls of the scanner. He could hear clicking sounds and beeping sounds. He felt like he was inside a spacecraft.

"Alright James, we're going to need you to hold your breath one more time, alright? It should only take about ten to fifteen seconds and then you'll be all done, alright hun?" James could almost hear the smile in the tone of the nurses' voice. He replied with a light 'okay' when nurse Nancy began the countdown.

"Alright sweetie, on the count of three hold your breath. One, two, three." James inhaled deeply and held it. He counted in his head the amount of time it took until he could breathe again.

"Alright, go ahead and breathe James, you're all done. Great job!" James exhaled and then took a sharp inhale followed by a small bout of couching. He held his breath for much closer to thirty seconds. _'Don't these people know I have broken ribs?'_ he thought. As the flat bed pulled completely out of the narrow CT scanner shaft, nurse Nancy helped him sit up. She rubbed his back soothingly as he stopped coughing and then helped him back into his wheelchair. Dr. Hoffman entered the room at this point.

"Ah, are you done? Wonderful! Nurse, go ahead and bring James back to his room. It will take about an hour for the scan results to come in. We'll review everything and give them the news at that time. Until then," He paused and glanced at James who looked like he was about to pass out from sheer exhaustion. "Go ahead and bring him back to his room. Make sure he rests, alright?" Nurse Nancy smiled and nodded. She wheeled James back to his hospital room. Carlos was asleep on the floor, Katie and Mrs. Knight were curled up together in the empty hospital bed next to James' and Logan and Kendall were sitting in their chairs bantering back and forth quietly about something involving taco's. Their eyes shot to the door as it opened and he was rolled inside.

"Hey James, how'd it go?" Kendall asked before noticing how exhausted the boy looked. Logan noticed immediately and pulled the covers back on his bed, helping the nurse prop James on it. James laid down and closed his eyes. Nurse Nancy tucked him in. James thanked her and she smiled before exiting the room.

"_Damn_ man, you look _beat_." Logan stated in a light tone of worry.

"Yeah. I'm _exhausted_. They kept making me hold my breath. It hurt my chest and made me dizzy. But it wasn't too bad. I'm just really tired from everything in general, I guess." James sighed before opening his eyes. Kendall smiled and ran his hand along James' shoulder.

"You sleep, alright bud? We'll wake you when they return with the results. You're tired, so sleep. You earned it." James nodded in response and closed his eyes. He licked his lips and swallowed the saliva in his mouth but fell asleep shortly after. Kendall tucked the blankets firmer around the boys sleeping frame while Logan adjusted his chair closer.

"I really wish we knew what was wrong with him. I hate seeing him like this. So out of it, so tired, so...so _sick_." Kendall frowned at the sight of James haggard breaths while he slept. Logan nodded. So many possibilities were running through his mind. James' symptoms were racing through his brain like a whirlwind. What was wrong with James, what was wrong with their band mate? What was wrong with their best friend?

Dr. Hoffman pulled James' x-rays out of the large manilla folder they were in. He flicked on the bright light on the x-ray monitor and slid the four x-rays side by side on it.

"Hmm..nothing appears unusual, aside from the broken ribs. They appear to be healing rather nicely, though." He flicked the switch off and returned the x-rays to the folder from which they came. Next he pulled the folder containing the lab results from his blood work.

"Everything appears fine here too. What is causing this boy to have seizures and such radical amounts of pain? I just don't get it." He closed the folder with the blood test results and placed them down on his desk. All he was still waiting for were the results of the CT scan. Dr. Hoffman leaned back in his chair and rubbed the bridge of his nose with his right hand. He let out a soft sigh as he replayed James' symptoms back and forth in his mind. Finally he pushed his glasses back up the bridge of his nose and waited for his page stating the results were in. Another twenty minutes went by before the intercom went off.

"Paging Dr. Hoffman to room 32A, please. Dr. Hoffman, room 32A." The loudspeaker went off and the doctor raised to his feet and exited his office. He made his way down the hall of the A wing until he reached room 32A. He opened the door as the lab technician handed him the folder. Doctor Hoffman opened the folder and read every line carefully and fully. His eyes widened as he pulled out the CT image and held it up towards the ceiling so the UV lights illuminated it.

"_Oh my_."

Kendall and Logan both glanced at the intercom in James' room as it paged his doctor to room 32A. Both boys knew that room 32A was the lab which meant his results were in. Logan cleared his throat then glanced at James. He was sleeping peacefully, as he had been for close to an hour now. He was just relieved his friend could sleep. Especially while everyone else was so stressed for his well being.

Kendall glanced at James and smiled weakly before glancing to Logan. He then peered around the room at all of the sleeping figures. His mom was curled on her side in the empty hospital bed next to James'. Katie was curled up next to her, hugging a pillow to her chest. Mrs. Knight had one arm resting under Katie's head and pillow, while her other arm was hooked around her daughters abdomen. Both were soundly asleep, but were wearing expressions of fear on their slumbering features.

Logan and Kendall glanced at the floor next. Against the cabinet in the room was a sleeping Carlos. He was sprawled out on the floor snoring softly, mouth agape. They couldn't help but give a soft chuckle at the drool tumbling down his cheek. Both boys turned their attention to the door of the room when a soft knock came from it.

"Come in." Both boys said quietly to not awaken the others. They expected James' doctor to enter, but instead it was James' father. Both boys smiled at him, while Kendall stood to offer Dr. Diamond his chair. He exchanged a thank you before taking his seat next to his son. Dr. Diamond grabbed James' hand and rubbed it with his other hand.

"How's he doing, boys?" James' father asked not taking his eyes off of James. Logan was the first to speak up.

"Well, he's completely exhausted. When he came back from testing I was so glad that he was in a wheelchair, because, I feared had he walked, he would have collapsed right then and there." He cleared his throat and continued. "Other than that, he seems to be doing much better. He's not in any pain, or, at least, that's what he said. He just kept saying how tired he was." Dr. Diamond nodded as he swept his thumb across James' cheek.

"That's to be expected. Wow," James' father trailed off taking in his sons appearance.

"He looks like_ shit_, doesn't he?" Kendall piped in. Dr. Diamond gave a half smile to his son's blonde best friend. Kendall had always been blunt with his answers.

"Yeah, I've never seen him look so terrible before. My poor boy." James' father frowned. The room fell into silence once more.

Kendall laid next to his mom on the empty hospital bed and quickly fell asleep. Logan leaned his head on James' hospital bed and soon enough, he too drifted off to dream-land. Doctor Diamond continued to rub his sons hand. His thoughts trailed off as he remembered that awful night shortly before all of this happened. He remembered the night James came home late, way past his curfew and instead of allowing his son to explain why he was late, he yelled at him and even hit him. Doctor Diamond shook his head, trying to get that wretched memory out of his mind.

A few more moments went by when another, awful, horrible memory entered his mind. James' didn't come home that night. He stayed at Kendall's house because he was sick. He remembered feeling guilty because he hit his son, but mad because he didn't believe he was sick. He believed he stayed there just to get away from his father. But he didn't let his emotions show over the phone. He simply told Mrs. Knight to tell his son he hopes he feels better. He remembered how the next day in the late afternoon he called his son since he hadn't contacted him at all. Maybe he really was sick? When James answered, he did indeed sound sick. He remembered feeling guilty, but also he remembered feeling selfish. He wanted his son home with him, not with his friends. They had been in California together an entire year, it was his turn to see his own son. So he told him to come home.

He remembered opening the door for his son and him looking terrible. He asked him to come inside and lay down. He felt awful when James sat down and looked undeniably ill. He remembered his heart sinking as his son groaned and latched onto his stomach. But then, he remembered his mood changing. James rolled off the couch, clearly feeling sick and vomited on the floor. He doesn't even know why, but he got furious at this. Thinking back now, it was so obvious his son was ill and needed help.

"Damn this disease..." He thought out loud to himself as his thoughts continued to rush wildly through his mind. Instead of picking his son up, helping him to the bathroom and then to bed and getting him soup and ginger ale to sooth his aching stomach, he punished him. He shook his head once more, trying desperately to get the images out of his mind, but he couldn't. It was too much to deny what he had done.

He was so ashamed of himself at his actions. Instead of helping his ailing son, he beat him.

The images flashed in his eyes of when he latched onto his sons throat, when he hit him, when he kicked him. He remembered ripping him through the staircase, slamming him onto the glass kitchen table. He remembered seeing his son laying on the floor, bleeding and battered and completely broken. And instead of feeling guilt for what he had done, he still felt anger towards him. He remembered cleaning the vomit and being too pissed to clean the rag, he threw it away. He remembered yelling at his bloodied son and blaming him for being late to work. He remembered storming out of his own home, not even caring to check if his son was alright or even still alive before rushing off to work. It wasn't until he got to work and scrubbed in when he thought of his actions in a normal mind set. He remembered the guilt rushing over him. What would his son think. Or was he even okay? He was about to leave the hospital when he heard the page that his son was on his way there now.

He remembered the guilt of his son waking up and not remembering what he had done. He wanted to tell him, he really did. But it was just too heart wrenching. He didn't want it to be known that he was the cause of his injuries. So, while he felt horrible and ashamed he was also semi relieved that James had no recollection of the events that lead to it.

Doctor Diamond was dragged out of his thoughts by another knock at the door.

"Come in." He stated as James' doctor, Dr. Hoffman entered the room.

"Oh, hey Grant." Dr. Diamond stated with a smile. His smile quickly faded when he saw the expression on his colleagues face.

"Steve. The results are in, we should wake them and inform them all together." Both nodded and proceeded to wake the others. Doctor Hoffman walked to the opposite side of the room and woke Kendall and the Knights from their slumber, he also woke up Carlos who jolted from his position on the floor to a standing position stating 'I didn't eat your nuggets!" while wiping his drool from his face. Dr. Diamond shook Logan awake and then attempted to wake James.

"James, son, wake up. You're results are in." James moaned softly in his sleep but his eyes fluttered open. His father helped him sit up as the others all took their positions for the news. Kendall, Katie, Mrs. Knight and Carlos all sat on the bed next to James' bed. James sat in his bed, his hand holding his fathers. While Dr. Diamond held his sons hand, he sat in the chair that was once Kendall's, and Logan sat in his chair next to Dr. Diamonds.

"Okay. You're results are all in. I have some _good_ news, and some _bad_ news." James gulped at the words.

"_Bad_ news?" He questions hoarsely. His doctor simply nodded before continuing.

"I'm going to start with the good news." Everyone nodded.

"You're X-rays showed nothing abnormal, except for your broken ribs. They are healing nicely, so that is very good news. I'd give them another week or two and they'll be good as new." He smiled half-heartedly before continuing.

"You're blood work showed nothing abnormal, which is also good." Logan felt himself sigh in relief, but was quickly snapped back to reality by Kendall, James and Carlos who all asked simultaneously the question they were all worried about.

"Then, what's the bad news?" James couldn't help but gulp at the bad news he was waiting for. Dr. Hoffman shifted his weight from his right foot to his left until he finally spat the words out.

"You're CT scan showed some..._abnormalities_." Doctor Diamond and Logan spoke up first.

"What kind of '_abnormalities_'?" Dr. Hoffman sighed before glancing at Dr. Diamond and his son.

"James has," He trailed off, but continued. "James has what appears to be a," He trails off again.

"Spit it out already, what do I have!" James couldn't help but let his nerves get the best of him. Dr. Hoffman looked at him with sad eyes before doing exactly as requested. He spat the words out with much distaste.

"A brain tumor." James' eyes widened and his heart dropped. Everyones eyes wandered in his direction and he couldn't help himself when he started hyperventilating.

"But, that's not all.." Dr. Hoffman added, looking more and more ashamed as he went on.

"James' tumor is in a spot in his brain called the parietal lobe which can be divided into two functional regions. One involves sensation and perception, while the other is concerned with integrating sensory input, primarily visual. The first section integrates sensory information to form a single perception, or cognition. The second function constructs a spatial coordinate system to represent the world around us." James just stared at his doctor, eyes wide. He resembled a deer caught in headlights. He had no idea what his doctor was saying. Carlos scratched his head in confusion while Kendall's jaw dropped. He had no idea what any of that meant, but he knew he said a lot which couldn't be good. Logan looked scared out of his mind.

"Also, we need to do a biopsy." Dr. Hoffman added. James shook his head

"A-a biopsy? Of my brain? But...but w-why?" He asked as tears began to tumble down his cheeks. His father wiped them away as he cleared his throat.

"What are you saying, Grant? That the tumor could be cancerous?" Everyone in the room gasped. James' eyes grew undeniably wider as he stared at his father.

"C-cancer? I could have _cancer_?" James' breathing became more and more rapid and his heart monitor was going nuts.

"I'm saying that we take tumors very seriously, Steve. You and I both know that while brain tumors are actually pretty common, it is always better to be safe than sorry. Especially when it involves your son. Now, there are two ways to get a biopsy of a brain tumor. We could do a craniotomy, which is most commonly used to obtain a brain tumor biopsy. That would involve us opening your skull, and hopefully removing the entire tumor. If that is not possible, we remove a portion of the tumor." James latched onto his head.

"_You want to cut my head open_?" He screamed. Logan grabbed James' hand and pulled it away from his head. Dr. Hoffman cleared his throat and continued.

"The next option would be to do a stereotactic biopsy. That would involve us drilling a small hole in your skull and then we would guide a needle through your skull and to the tumor which would take a biopsy. This way does not treat the tumor at all, but is the least invasive." James went into hysterics. He was crying so hard his body shook. His father pulled him into a hug trying his damnedest to comfort him while Logan rubbed his back.

"Considering where the tumor is located, I, as a doctor, would prefer to do the stereotactic biopsy. The parietal lobe is too high risk to just cut into it. This is much safer. We will worry about removing it depending on the results of the biopsy." Kendall spoke up next.

"So...what your saying is you're going to drill a h-hole in James' skull...then put a needle in and take a sample of the t-tumor?" Dr. Hoffman nodded.

"And, when are you planning on doing this, exactly? Will it..will it _hurt_ him?" Kendall wiped a tear that fell from his eye and waited for the doctors response.

"I want to do this as soon as possible, now even. If it is cancerous, we have no idea how long he's had it and we will want to start treatment _immediately_. And I'm not going to lie, it is going to be uncomfortable. We will, of course, numb the area and the brain doesn't really have any feeling anyways. But James will need to stay conscious during the procedure. The most painful part will be hearing us do it." James snapped out of his tears.

"I have to be awake while you _drill a hole_ in my _head_? Are you _kidding_ me?" His body shook as the fear took him over. The doctors gaze went to his feet as he nodded. James' father spoke up.

"James, you need to do this, it is important. You're aunt Laura died of a cancerous brain tumor." He looked to Dr. Hoffman. "Grant, take him for it now. Take good care of him and make it as bearable as possible." James' father wiped away James' tears then wiped away his own. "Take good care of my boy." Dr. Hoffman nodded as he helped James, who was very unwilling to go, into the wheelchair. He then proceeded to push James' shaking weeping body out of the room. The door closed silently behind them.

Katie was wailing against her mothers chest, way too distraught over everything. Kendall was weeping into the palms of his hands. Carlos was curled into fetal position on James' hospital bed. his face was blank, probably too shocked at everything and tears were streaming silently down his face. Mrs. Knight was comforting Katie the best she could, while she also ran her hand up and down Kendall's back. She was crying herself. And Logan was leaning his face in his arms which were resting on James' bed. He couldn't even begin to imagine the fear going through James' mind. Doctor Diamond sat there, shocked. He too was crying. But he was crying for numerous reasons. He was crying because he had never been so scared in his entire life. His son, his little boy was having a hole drilled in his head to check a brain tumor for cancer. He was so distraught over James' pain and James' fear. He was also crying with anger. He was so mad at himself. His son could be dying, for all he knew. And he beat him. In his eyes, this is all his own fault.

About an hour and a half went by when Dr. Hoffman pushed James back into his hospital room. His head was wrapped in gauze and his face looked disturbed. Dr. Hoffman and Dr. Diamond helped ease James back onto his bed. James' body shook with fear as his eyes stared aimlessly at the ceiling.

"I'll return as soon as the results are in. He needs to rest for at least another hour. Make sure it happens, Steve." Dr. Hoffman exited the room. Everyone looked at James. His eyes were wide and he had a look of terror plastered on his face. Kendall grabbed his hand and started rubbing it. James glanced at his friend before he started crying.

"Shh hey, it's okay. It's over now." Kendall reassured. James just continued to sob.

"It..it was t-terrible..I can...I can still hear the d-drilling.." James' sobbing got worse as time ticked by. Logan rubbed his shoulders and Dr. Diamond tucked his son in.

"Shhh it's okay, James. You need to rest. Just close your eyes, alright. You need to sleep." It took some time, but after about twenty or so minutes of James crying he drifted to sleep. Everyone felt terrible for the poor boy. Less than a week ago they were back in LA living the life and looking forward to coming home and seeing their families. Now, James is going through the toughest thing anyone should ever have to go through. He has a brain tumor, he may have cancer. His life was finally getting to where he had always dreamed it to be. They were a band, a popular band. They had an album out and they had already done a headlining tour. Now, he's clinging to life in a hospital bed with a hole drilled in his head. They just hoped and prayed that the results gave them hope, instead of dashing James' dreams even more. A few hours went by. The sun was beginning to raise and everyone in James' hospital room were asleep. A soft knock woke everyone out of their dreams.

"Come in." Stated Dr. Diamond as he shook James awake since the knock didn't phase him. Dr. Hoffman entered the room and sat on James' hospital bed. Everyones hearts dropped as they saw the expression on his face.

"The results came back positive. I'm sorry James, you have brain cancer." Everyone began to cry at this point. In fact, the only person who was not crying was James.

"How long.." He asked, almost in a whisper.

"How long have you had it, or how long do you-"

"Both." James stated flatly. Dr. Hoffman cleared his throat.

"From the results, it appears you've had it for a couple of months now. Have you had any of the symptoms that long?" Everyone thought back. James had brain cancer, for months? They all thought long and hard to see if he had shown any symptoms. Carlos spoke first.

"Well, about two months ago we were playing a show in Boston. James was really off the whole show. He just seemed tired and kind of sluggish. He stumbled after his backflip and fell but Logan helped him up. He finished the show but he didn't end up staying to meet with the fans, he was just too tired, and we were all kind of worried about him. So Kendall told him to go back to the bus and sleep it off. We didn't think it could have been anything. We were all exhausted. It was the last show of the tour so we were all just ready to go home. James had performed really hard the two weeks that lead up to it. It was undoubtedly his best performances ever. So we just figured he was tired from that." Logan and Kendall remembered that performance. Logan looked ashamed. He knew James was off but they didn't think anything serious about it.

James cleared his throat and shakily rubbed a tear from his eye.

"And how...how long do I...do I.." He trailed off as his father began to rub his back.

"James, the major factors that influence brain cancer survival is related to the following: the type of cancer, its location, whether it can be surgically removed or reduced, and the age and overall health status of the patient. The long-term survival rate, which basically is greater than five years, for people with primary brain cancer varies from less than 10% to about 32%, despite aggressive surgery, radiation, and chemotherapy treatments. Treatments do prolong survival over the short term and, perhaps more importantly, improve quality of life for some time, although this time period can vary greatly. Radiation and chemotherapy can increase life expectancy modestly. I highly recommend you do the treatments. I know that the prognosis does not sound good, 32% at highest clearly sounds terrible. However, keep in mind that without treatment there is 0% chance for a recovery and honestly. You would not have much time." At this point James could no longer control himself. He was, once again, in hysterics. Logan, Carlos and Kendall were at his side clinging onto their best friend for dear life. The news took the breath right out of their lungs and they all felt like they were dying. How could God play such a cruel joke on James? Why give him so much to live for, and have him finally start achieving his goals just to have everything ripped away from him. It just wasn't right. James sniffled and wiped at his tears and then stared at his doctor.

"So, basically, I'm going to die no matter what? I just might make it to the ripe old age of 23? I'm not sure I want to even waste my time." Everyones sobs got louder. Even Dr. Hoffman was crying now.

"James, I know the prognoses does not sound good. But, even though it sounds bad, do keep in mind that you could be part of that 32%. You're young, you've been healthy overall despite the cancer. You've always been active and fit. I believe, with the right doctor and the right treatment that you could beat this. You just need to not give up and keep faith. I believe in you." Everyone fell silent apart from the sobbing. Time seemed to tick by slowly. After quite some time everyone in the room had calmed to light crying, instead of a hard sob. Even James had calmed down to an extent. After about ten more minutes of silence James turned to his doctor.

"When do I start?" Everyone turned to their best friend. James, who had just found out he had brain cancer, had just found out if he was lucky he had a 32% survival chance was taking a chance and going to try treatment. Everyone was proud of him

"James, it's going to be hard. Chemo is extremely tough on your body. You'll be so sick you'll wish you were dead. Radiation is just as bad. You'll lose a lot of weight, you'll probably lose all of your muscle and you'll lose all of your hair." Everyone fell silent. But James didn't budge.

"I understand. But, it's a risk I have to take if I'm going to even have the slightest chance. At 32% with a five year long term survival rate, does that mean I'll only have five years no matter what?" He asked with fear oozing from his eyes in the form of tears.

"No, not necessarily. Five years is common, but if you beat it you could always beat the odds and make it much further. Now, I've never met anyone who has survived brain cancer to live to be old. But you could certainly live your remaining years to the fullest, whether you make it to 23 or 43. There's always a chance. It's just staying strong and keeping the faith. If you lose faith, you could lose the battle entirely." James simply nodded as he wiped away his tears. He looked at all of the faces in the room. His friends, his family. He knew he had to do it, if not for himself, then for them. He turned to Dr. Hoffman once more.

"So...when do I start?"

**Ending Authors Note- EEEK! James has brain cancer :( So sad. I'm going to try my hardest to not kill him guys, so stay positive! Keep the faith to win the battle, right? Please don't kill me or hate this :( Please review and be nice **


	9. Chapter 9 Time to Tell

_**Authors Note- Here's my next update! Thank you guys SOOO much for all of the reviews! I can't help but smile when I see that I have a new review. I work really hard on this story and it just overjoys me that everyone seems to be enjoying it. So, thank you all so much for that!**_

_**This is basically just a filler chapter, so I apologize for that. It basically just ties up some loose ends. So, yeah. Don't kill me. Next chapter will be 1000% better, I promise! :)**_

_**Anywho, please, enjoy! :)**_

_**_**_

Chapter 9- Time to Tell

"Immediately. I wish we could start today. _However_, due to your latest procedure," Dr. Hoffman nodded towards James, he was referring to his stereotactic biopsy. "We will have to wait a minimum of forty-eight hours to begin, you need to heal." James nodded his head slowly in understanding.

Everything was happening so quickly. Just a couple of weeks ago he was the spitting image of health. He had a great career, singing in a band with his best friends. He was fulfilling his wildest dreams. He was happy, and he was healthy. He'd run every morning, lift weights and do extra cardio at night. He was fit and in excellent shape. He ate healthy, never really being much of a fan of fast food, though he did enjoy the occasional dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets and a tall glass of chocolate milk with his friends. But, other than that, he always tried his best to stay healthy. Now, however, if you were to look up the word _unhealthy_ in a dictionary, James was positive his face would be there. Such a young age to endure something so hard. It was difficult for him, heck, for _any_ of them to fathom.

"Dad, what do we tell mom?" Steven Diamond seemed to snap out of a trance. He hadn't even informed his wife, Brooke Diamond, that James fell ill. As far as she knew, he was just fine and dandy spending time catching up with old friends and his family.

"Son, I haven't even told her you were sick yet. At first, I thought it might just be a cold. I didn't tell her when you 'fell', because I didn't want to worry her and I knew you'd be in good hands. I was just waiting for the right moment, and-" James cut him off.

"Well, dad. Considering I have cancer, I think _now_ would be that opportune moment you were looking for!" James was frustrated. He wished his father would have just kept his mother updated on his condition, she deserved to know. Now, it was going to be a huge deal. Her son was 100% healthy and sound the last time she saw him, less than a week ago and now he was practically dyeing of cancer. Great, just great.

"I'm sorry son, I'll tell her now if you'd like.." James held up a hand to stop his father.

"Wait. I'm really tired and my head hurts. I would really like to talk to her too, I miss her. But I would really appreciate it if I could rest for a little while longer." James leaned his body back down on the bed. His eyelids drooped half closed. His eyes were laced with worry, fear, pain and pure exhaustion. Large dark circles panned beneath each eye, almost as proof he needed his rest. Kendall tucked James in and wiped a few strands of sweat from the brunette's brow.

"I'm so tired. Let me sleep another hour or two and then we'll tell her together, okay, dad?" Dr. Diamond nodded.

"Alright, sleep tight son. I'm going to go check on my patients and then I'll return to check on you when it's time to get up. Then we'll make that call together." Dr. Diamond kissed James on his forehead before exiting the room.

It didn't take much time for James to fall asleep. Mrs. Knight brought Katie down to the hospital cafeteria in hopes to get her daughter to eat something. Carlos, Logan and Kendall all sat around James' bed just watching him sleep. They still couldn't believe all of this was happening. It just seemed so surreal. After about a twenty minute period of silence, Carlos spoke up.

"Guys, should we call Gustavo and Kelly?" It was a question none of them had really even considered. Of course they need to call their producer! He needed to know! James having cancer can and quite possibly _will_ greatly affect Big Time Rush's future. Besides, they needed to know incase any word of his cancer leaked into the news stream.

"I'll call." It was Kendall who took the initiative to call Gustavo. He grabbed his cell phone and slunk into the corner of the room so he could be quiet and leave James to rest. He dialed the number to Rocque Records. It rang three times when Kelly finally answered.

"Rocque Records, Kelly Wainwright speaking." Kendall cleared his throat.

"Hey, Kelly, it's Kendall."

"Hey Kendall! How are you boys doing? How's it going over in Minnesota, we miss you guys!" Kendall paused before continuing.

"Kelly...we have a problem." Kelly could hear the fear in the tone of Kendalls voice. She immediately became serious.

"Kendall, what's wrong?" By now Kelly walked into Gustavo's office. He was sitting in his swivel chair reading one of his numerous awards on his desk. He heard Kelly ask Kendall what was wrong and fear struck his heart. He hated to admit it, but he loved his "dogs" as he called them. They were like his own children, and hearing something was wrong with them, especially when they were so far from his reach terrified him.

"Kelly, is that the DOGS!" Gustavo grabbed the phone from Kelly.

"Kendall? What is it? What's wrong?" Gustavo barked. Kendall cleared his throat and tried to stifle the fear bubbling from his throat.

"Gustavo, it's...it's James. He's really...he's really _sick_." His voice cracked on that last word. Kendall sniffled as the tears began to fall from his eyes. Gustavo's expression softened as he listened closely.

"Sick? What's wrong with him?" He could hear Kendall gasp lightly at the question. He did not want to answer, and judging at how distraught the almighty fearless Kendall Knight was, Gutavo wasn't so sure he wanted to know. Kelly had her ear pressed against the phone so she too could hear the conversation.

"He has...he has c-c..." Kendall broke off into sobs. Gustavo and Kelly chorused together.

"He has what? What does he have!" Kendall finally blurted it out.

"_Cancer_! James has c-cancer, Gustavo. He got really sick as soon as we got home. He got bad headaches and nausea. He got so lightheaded one day he collapsed and fell down stairs and broke his kitchen table. He broke his ribs and got a concussion and all kinds of things. He ended up getting a really high fever. Well, yesterday Katie was watching him while he slept and he started convulsing and blood was coming from his nose, mouth and his ears. We rushed him to the hospital and they ran a bunch of tests on him." Kendall paused to wipe at his tears. Logan and Carlos were rubbing his back to try and console their friend.

"The results showed abnormalities in his brain. They found a _tumor,_ Gustavo. A fucking _brain tumor_! They did a biopsy on it. They drilled a hole in his _fucking head_, Gustavo! And the results were p-positive. James has brain cancer." Kendall broke off into sobs again and dropped the phone. At his point, Logan grabbed it while Carlos took Kendall to lay down.

"The prognosis is not good," Logan began, stifling his own tears. "They're starting Chemo and radiation as soon as the stereotactic biopsy wound has healed enough. So in about two days. They said...they said that brain cancer is tough. Probably one of, if not_ the_ hardest cancer to beat. There is only a 32% chance he'll survive treatment. And even if he does, he'll probably only live off of borrowed time." Logan let out a soft sob and bit down on his knuckle to try to calm himself. Kelly and Gustavo were silent. They both had tears silently streaming down their faces. How could this have happened?

"Logan..._how_?" Kelly finally mustered the strength to force the words. They needed to know how this happened, and how long it's been going on.

"They said it looks like he's had it for a couple of months now. None of us even knew, but looking back now we vaguely see the signs. How after every show he'd be exhausted, more so than any of us were. Or how during the show in Boston he stumbled and collapsed after the backflip and was too tired to even meet the fans. _Remember_? We wouldn't let him because we feared he would pass out from exhaustion. We didn't think anything past that since he had worked extremely hard, harder than normal leading up to that show. But _now_, _now_ we see it. _Now_ we see all of the signs and the symptoms. How could we have been so _blind_?" Logan began to freely sob over the phone.

Gustavo and Kelly were crying as well. Their warm tears streaming down their faces. Gustavo gently wiped one of Kelly's tears from her cheek before returning to the conversation on the phone.

"We'll try to keep it out of the media as long as possible. Eventually we will have to put it out there. Right now, however, is not the time. We'll let James start treatment and see how it goes from there. Logan, keep me updated on him. I don't care if you have to call me when it's 3AM here, just call me, _okay_? Also, inform James and his family I'll take care of the medical costs. It's the least I can do." Gustavo removed his neon yellow sunglasses from his face to wipe at his own tears. Kelly rubbed his back soothingly and shot him a very appreciative smile. She was proud of Gustavo for being so giving in James' time of need.

"T-thank you Gustavo. I will call you after every treatment if you'd like. We'll keep you up to date the whole way through. And I'll let James and his dad know, I know that they will greatly appreciate it. I know I do. It's a great gift Gustavo, thank you, so much. For _everything_." They exchanged their goodbyes and got off of the phone. They agreed to call after every treatment and if anything changed in his condition, for better or worse.

Logan closed Kendall's cell phone and laid it on the countertop in the room. He then walked over to the bed that Kendall and Carlos were laying on. Kendall cried himself to sleep and Carlos was laying next to him running his hand up and down his back. Logan sat next to them on the bed. They stayed that way for another hour until Dr. Diamond returned to the room.

"Hey boys," He whispered. "How are you all holding up? Would you like some coffee, or how about something to eat?" He walked over to them. Logan shook his head no, but thanked him for his concern. Kendall finally woke up but gave the same answer as Logan. Even Carlos turned his offer down. The boys were now all sitting on the bed next to James' watching him sleep.

He looked peaceful. Still utterly exhausted, but content. His breathing was rather steady compared to how it had been the last few days. They wondered if that was a good thing, or a bad thing. Maybe he was just in a very deep sleep. Dr. Diamond stayed in the room for another half an hour before the two hour mark hit. He decided it was time to wake James and call his mother, together. He walked to James' bedside and gently rubbed his sons back.

"James, son, get up." James' eyelids fluttered softly until they were completely open. "Time to call mom." James yawned and nodded his head. He reached his hand up to his father who willingly grabbed it, gently helping James sit up. Dr. Diamond handed James his cell phone, which he opened and immediately hit the number 1- which was the speed dial for his mothers cell phone. He held the phone to his ear as it rang. It only rang two times before his mother answered.

"James, sweetie! How are you, I miss you baby!" James immediately frowned.

"H-hey momma, I miss you too. I really wish you were here."

"Honey, what's wrong? You sound upset, is everything okay?" He could hear the concern in his mothers voice, which did not help him. Tears began to pool in his eyes, but, he continued.

"N-no, momma. Nothing is okay. Everything is wrong. I'm so scared mom." James let a small whimper escape his lips. He heard his mother gasp on the other end.

"James, sweetie. Tell me what's wrong. Are you okay, are you sick? You don't sound too good baby." James' shoulders shook as a sob broke through his lips.

"_Sick_. You could say that, I wish it was that simple." James' mother immediately began to panic. Her baby was clearly distraught.

"James Anthony Diamond, what's wrong? Tell me!" Her voice was stern, mainly from her concern. She knew she had to be that way to get anything out of her son.

"M-mommy...I have..I'm..I'm really _sick_." He tried his best to spit the words out, but they didn't come. He felt ridiculous. He wanted to tell his mom, he really did, but, he just couldn't say it out loud to her.

"Honey, sick how? Are you okay? Did you get the flu again?" She asked. James just began to cry harder. It was at that point that his father took James' place on the phone.

"Brooke, honey, James got really sick when you left. At first it started as headaches and nausea. But it progressed rapidly. He collapsed the other day. He fell over the railing and onto the table in the kitchen. He got cut up pretty bad and he broke some of his ribs. He also got a mild concussion," Kendall, Carlos and Logan could hear Mrs. Diamond yelling on the other line. They couldn't make out the words exactly, but they were sure it had to do with him not telling her about that occurrence _when_ it happened.

"I didn't want to upset you. He was in good hands, he's healing nicely. In another two weeks his healing from the incident should be all done," Dr. Diamond trailed off. "However..."

"However what, Steven?" She pressed. James' father cleared his throat.

"James is extremely sick. Brooke, sweetie, I don't even know how to begin to tell you this. James has...James has _cancer,_ honey." Brooke Diamond shook her head. Tears sprang from her heavily lined eyes.

"W-what?" She began. "H-how, Steve? That's impossible. Is this some kind of joke, because it is not funny! Put James back on the phone, I demand to speak to my son!" Steven Diamond tried to calm his wife and explain.

"I wish it were a joke honey. James has been diagnosed with cancer. We found a tumor in his brain. My colleague, Dr. Hoffman recommended we do a biopsy," He left out the details of how they needed to drill a hole in his skull, but relayed the more important facts to his wife. "The results turned out positive, Brooke. Our son has brain cancer." Brooke's sobbing became loud and shrill. She resembled a screaming banshee. How could this be happening to her son, her baby boy?

"Steve...let me talk to him, let me talk to my baby." Steven nodded into the phone even though his spouse couldn't see it. He gently rubbed James' shoulder. He was crying but peeled his face from his palms long enough to see that his father was nudging the phone at him. James took the phone and pressed it back to his ear.

"Hey m-mommy." Brooke held in her tears. She had to be brave for her son, for her only baby boy

"James, sweetie. You're going to be okay, do you hear me? I'm catching the next flight out of Florida and I'll be there as soon as I can. We'll get through this together. You're going to be okay, do you understand me? I'm not going to let anything bad happen to you." James was so grateful for his mother. She was his whole world. But at the same time, it pained him to hear her throwing her Florida business trip down the drain. She'd only be there another week and a half. He didn't see any reason for her to lose that business. He knew he had cancer and ultimately may very well die, but he doubted it'd be in that short of time.

"Mom, I really appreciate this, I do. But, please don't come home. I want you here with me so much, so badly. But, I don't want you to give up your trip. This could be really good for your business, mom. I won't let you give that up for me." Brooke was confused. She wouldn't just leave her son alone when he has cancer!

"James, you are more important to me than my business, your my baby boy! I'm coming home and that's final!"

"Mom, I appreciate your concern. But, you're only going to be there another week and a half. Just stay. I may be-I may have cancer, but I think I can make it past the next week and a half,"

"But, James-"

"No buts mom. I'm serious. Stay in Florida..._besides_," James licked his lips and shot a half smile to no one in particular. "I told you I'd still be here when you got home, and I meant it. I never break my promises. And I promise you that I'll still be here, _alive_ when you get home. I promise." Brooke let out a small sob she had been holding in.

"Now is not the time to stand up to me James. I want to come home, I want to see you. I want to hold you and be there for you. You need me, baby. Cancer is not some game. You only have one life, and once it's gone, it's gone. I want to be there for you, James. Just let me be there for you, please!" James wiped at his tears and sniffled. He tried to calm his quivering lip.

"I'm sorry, momma. But, I can't let you do that. I'm the one with cancer, not you. I know this isn't a game. But, as I said before, stay in Florida. Finish up your business trip. I promised you I'd still be here and I meant it. Every word. I will still be here _and alive_. Just...stay there, please? For me?"

Brooke did not want to do that. She wanted to be with James now, not in a week and a half. She still couldn't even believe her son had to go through this at all. Cancer, really? He's just a baby! Well, he's eighteen, but to her he'll always be her baby boy. And right now her baby boy needed her more than anything. They argued back and forth for at least another twenty minutes. Finally, after much debating and tears being shed, Brooke finally agreed to stay in Florida. On one condition.

"Call me every single day James. Every morning, after every treatment, and every night before you go to bed. I need to hear your voice and make sure you're still okay." James promised.

"After treatment I can't guarantee I can call. They told me it will make me really sick. But I do promise to call every morning and night. I also promise that if I can't talk after my treatment to have dad or one of the guys call you." Brooke agreed to those terms. They talked for a little while longer before James got off the phone to rest and his father finished the phone conversation.

"Steven, make sure they take good care of our boy."

"I promise Brookie. Now, I'm going to let you go. We'll call you tomorrow morning, alright? James is resting and I'm going to try to get these boys to eat. I'll talk to you tomorrow. I love you."

"I love you too. Give James a kiss for me."

"Of course." With that James' parents got off the phone. His father kissed James' slumbering forehead like his mother asked.

"Alright boys, lets go find something to eat."

None of the boys wanted to leave James. However, none of them had eaten anything since breakfast the day before. They all had to admit, they were starving. The three boys followed Dr. Diamond to the hospital cafeteria and attempted to enjoy the slop the hospital provided. Mrs. Knight and Katie joined them at their table. Logan informed Dr. Diamond of Gustavo's offer to cover James' hospital bills. James' father was surprised, to say the least. James always told him how Gustavo hated him. Now he was offering something so generous it made his heart sing.

"Tell him we are honored by his offer and that we said thank you, so much. It's so kind of him to offer that. So generous."

Logan nodded as he took another bite of what he presumed to be chicken noodle soup."I'll call him tonight Dr. Diamond."

"Thanks boys. I'm so glad my son met you boys. I'm so proud of all of you for sticking around for my son. Especially now. You've all always been there for him whenever he needed you. I'm just so glad that none of you walked away when the going got tough." Kendall smiled at Dr. Diamond and laid his hand on his shoulder.

"Well, Dr. Diamond. When the going gets tough, us three don't get going. James is our best friend. Has been since I can remember. I know damn well I will never leave his side. Not ever."

"Yeah, me neither. We need him just as much as he needs us." Logan chimed in.

"Ditto! Jamie's like my brother. I love him and need him. He's never getting rid of us!" Carlos added with a small giggle. Dr. Diamond took in the three faces of his sons best friends. He'd known these boys practically their whole lives. He loved them just as much as he loved James. In his eyes, they were all his children.

"Thank you so much boys. It means the world to me, _and_ James. I can't even begin to thank you enough"

_**_**_

_**Ending A/N- Yeah, I didn't really know how to end that. Not gonna lie. lol SO I hope I pulled it off at least semi decent haha. I don't know why, but I didn't want his mother coming home, at least, not yet. She will a little later on in the story, but I didn't want to write a whole entire new dialogue for anothr character haha.**_

_**Next chapter James will begin his treatment. SO stay tuned! And please, enjoy! Rate, comment, favorite and subscribe! :)**_


	10. Chapter 10 And So It Begins

_**Authors Note- Okay guys, I'd like to start out by apologizing that this update is SO long overdue. Sorry for slacking. I hit a bit of writers block with this one.**_

_**I'd also like to further apologize for this chapter being SO short! Again, writers block killed me with it. Sooo I am really hoping it isn't as bad as I feel like it is. I'm hoping everyone still feels the emotion I tried to push through this chapter and I hope you all don't hate it/me and you still enjoy.**_

_**I'd also like to thank you all for your amazing reviews! You're all awesome! I love all of the support I'm getting with this story. I just hope it continues. :) (Almost 50 comments! WOW!)**_

_**ANYWAYS enough blabbering on, PLEASE read and ENJOY! :)**_

Ch. 10 - And So It Begins

Two days solemnly passed by, it was undoubtedly the fastest two days James or any of the boys had ever experienced. It all seemed like a blur. Meeting with cancer specialists around the hospital until they found the one best suited for James' case. He honestly didn't really even remember much of the details, except they _finally_ chose one.

Today was the start of James' chemotherapy. He was laying on the hospital bed in his _new_ room in the cancer ward of the hospital, waiting for the doctor to arrive and administer him the chemo. James was nervous, to say the least. Hell, he was petrified, they all were.

Everyone said that chemo will make him tired, weak, frail, sick. He felt that way already though, so how bad could it be, _right_?

Just then there was a soft knock at the door.

"Come in!" Called Carlos. The door gently swung open revealing James' _new_ doctor, Dr. Henry North.

"Hello James, how are you feeling today?" He asked, shooting a warm smile to the young cancer ridden boy. James just sighed.

"I'm feeling ready to get this over with."

Dr. North went over the details of the procedure, explaining every detail necessary to prepare James for what was about to happen to him.

"We are going to administer the chemo to you intravenously. Now James, remember, it's going to make you extremely sick. And you'll feel very weak. It takes a little bit of time for the side effects to start showing up, but you will really feel it once they do." James simply nodded his head in understanding.

"Alright, then let's begin." The doctor prepped James' arm for the IV. He thoroughly cleansed the area with an alcohol swab before sticking the small needle into James' fold of his elbow. James clenched his eyes shut tightly. He still didn't like needles, and this was not helping him at all. The doctor hooked the bag that contained the chemo onto the standing IV rack and then connected it to the long tubing that went to the needle in the boys arm.

"Now, everyone reacts a little differently to the sensation of the chemo first entering their system. You may not feel it at all, or-" Just then, James cut him off with a hissing sound. Kendall grabbed onto his arm that didn't have the IV in it and asked him what was wrong.

"It...it's _burning_. God, I feel like my whole arm is on_ fire_!" Dr. North sent an apologetic smile to him.

"Sorry James, as I was saying, everyones body reacts differently. Chemo is, after all, a poison. Sometimes there is a burning or a cooling sensation associated with the initial injection. Some people are numb to it, others feel it. Some more so than others." He looked at James' furrowed brows and clenched eyes. He was biting his lip and hissing out in pain. "Clearly, you feel it more."

A few minutes passed, slowly but surely the burning sensation faded away. James wasn't sure if it was _truly_ gone, or if he just no longer felt it because he had grown accustomed to it. Either way, it didn't matter, he wasn't in pain anymore.

The doctor instructed that it will take about two hours for the chemo to drip into his system completely and that he should try to rest. After all, before long he will be feeling the full effects of the treatment. Once that happens, it will be extremely difficult to rest through the sickness that will undeniably overtake his entire body.

Almost immediately after the doctor exited his room, James closed his eyes and drifted to sleep. Kendall held his hand, rubbing tiny circles in the back of it with his thumb. Carlos sat at the foot of his bed rubbing James' calf muscles in hopes to make his sick friend feel at least the tiniest bit of comfort. While Logan sat next to Kendall. He was holding a bedpan just incase once James did wake up, he needed it. And judging by the words of James' doctor, _he_ _would_ _need it_.

Unfortunately for James his rest was short lived. After about thirty or so minutes of resting during the treatment, he started feeling the effects.

It did _not_ feel good _at all_.

The first thing that jerked him from his slumber was the awful sensation in the pit of his stomach. He felt as though someone stabbed a serrated knife into his gut and was twisting it. It was extremely painful. He latched onto his abdomen and curled himself into a tight ball letting out an unsettling groan. Kendall slid his hand up and down James' back to sooth the clearly uncomfortable boy, while Logan and Carlos inched themselves closer to James' side, just incase he needed either of them for anything.

The next thing James felt was nausea. Not just '_oh, I feel kinda sick_' nausea, no. He felt like he was going to regurgitate his innards entirely. He groaned out loudly once and reached one of his now shaking hands to his lips.

"_Oh_, I'm going to be _sick_.." Without missing a beat Logan thrust the bedpan under James' face which was cocked over the side of the hospital bed. Luckily, he was just in time to catch the vomit that erupted from the ill brunette's lips.

It seemed like forever to all of the boys. Watching James vomit so much, as hard as he was. The whole scene finally made everything they were going through feel real. It started kicking into each of them that this whole situation was happening and was very real. James has cancer, _cancer_. It was all so much to take in.

After close to fifteen minutes of straight vomiting, James' body eased a little. He heaved for oxygen as he rested his head once more back down on the small uncomfortable bed. James' eyes slid shut for two reasons: One, he was already completely and utterly exhausted from this whole ordeal, and he wasn't even half way through the first treatment yet. And two, because he was trying to block out the pain he was feeling. Everything hurt. His head was pounding, his chest ached, his stomach was burning. James' discomfort was unbearably dreadful.

Kendall ran his palm across James' face, sweeping away as much sweat as he could with his apposable thumb. He was amazed at how drenched the boy had become. Before the whole puking episode, he was resting and actually seemed fine. Deep down, _of course_, he was still _very sick_. But his body was calm and resting peacefully. Scary how within a fifteen minute time period someone's body could go from fine to completely disheveled. It was extremely saddening and difficult.

Why did this have to happen to James? He was a great person, definitely _not_ deserving of such a cruel fate. _Sure_, he could often times be a little over the top, conceited, even at times seem narcissistic, almost selfish. But Kendall, Carlos and Logan knew the _real_ James.

James Diamond was undoubtedly the _most_ selfless, giving person any of them had ever met. _James_ wanted to be famous. It was _his_ dream. But when Gustavo chose _Kendall_ over _him_, James told Kendall to take _his_ dream and roll with it. Sure, he was upset. But it was, as Kendall often times put it, a _chance of a lifetime_!

_'You only get this once, don't screw it up and throw it away to make me happy. Take that chance!'_

Kendall always thought back to that day, for numerous reasons. It was the day they all saw how giving and true of a friend James was, and it was the day they formed _Big Time Rush_. Undoubtedly the happiest day of their lives.

That was all just a distant memory now. James, the strong, giving, absolutely amazing friend was now laying in a hospital bed, fighting for his _life_. Kendall couldn't help himself when he started crying. James opened one of his eyes to glance at his friend. It worried him to see his strong leader so upset. James never wanted other people to be upset. He was the one with cancer, no one else should be crying.

"Hey now, it's okay," James reached his shaking hand up to Kendall's cheek and brushed away his fallen tears. "Don't cry buddy."

Kendall sniffled and placed his hand over James' hand that was resting on his cheek.

"Don't cry? H-how can you expect me not to cry, James? _Look at you_! You're _really_ sick James, you-you have _cancer_, man! You could...you could.." James cut him off.

"_Die_? I know, Kendall. I know I could die. I know cancer isn't like anything I've ever dealt with before. I know I've never, _ever_ felt like this before. I realize it's hard, I understand that it's going to be really hard and I may _never_ get better. But you know what, Kendall? _I'm not afraid_." James looked into Kendalls emerald green eyes which seemed to have widened slightly at James' words.

"Y-you're _not_ scared?" Kendall looked around to Logan and Carlos' faces which also seemed shocked. James just smiled and took a deep breath.

"Nope. I'm _not_ scared, Kendall. I have faith that I'm going to fight this to the best of my ability. Knowing that I have you, Logan and Carlos here to help me through this makes me not afraid in the slightest. Do I know for _sure_ I'm going to beat it? _No_." Kendall cut him off.

"But, James-"

"I don't know whether I can beat this or not, Kendall. _I don't_. I'm not God, and I don't have all the answers. _But_, I know that with you three by my side throughout this whole thing will make me feel like I could beat _anything_ thrown at me. And you know what, if I _do_ beat it, I have you three to thank. Because I wouldn't be able to do this _at all_ without the love and support of my best friends. You guys are my _brothers_. I love you." A single tear shed from James' glimmering hazel orbs. Kendall wiped it away and then wrapped his friend into a strong embrace, careful not to upset his nausea any more.

James' stiffened slightly as he started to feel woozy from the chemo again. Kendall noticed and laid James back down on the bed, lightly tucking the white sheet around his frame. James looked at each of his friends and smiled again.

"And..and even if I _don't_ beat this-" It was Carlos this time who cut James off.

"Hey man, don't talk like that, you can-"

"We _don't know that_ for sure, Carlos. Besides, I'd rather face the truth. I'd like to say I have a fifty-fifty chance here, but lets face it, I _don't_. I have a 32%-68% chance, and the odds are _not_ in my favor. But, _again_, I'm _not_ afraid, and you guys shouldn't be either. If I don't beat this, then it's my time to go. God had something else planned for me. Something _bigger_ and _better_. So, if I don't make it, promise me that none of you will do anything stupid. You'll continue to love each other, care for each other and be there for one another. You'll need each other more than ever in the event of my dea-_passing._ And please, don't mourn me. I don't want you to be sad for me. I want you to be happy. If I die, remember I went to a better place where I no longer am sick, or in pain. And always remember that even if I may not be here _physically_ for you, I will _always_ be there for you. I'll _always_ be watching you guys, and I will _always_ have your back." James' eyes drifted closed once more. All of this talking was really zapping the energy from him. His breathing was heavy and he was shaking lightly. His three best friends noticed.

"Hey man, you're _really_ tired. Just rest, okay? We can talk about this some other time." Kendall lifted the blanket up to James' shoulders and completely tucked him in. Logan brought him a water bottle incase he was getting dehydrated from all the vomiting, and Carlos fluffed James' pillows. James' eye lids opened to half slits.

"Promise me?" The boys looked at each other. They wanted to promise James, but none of them knew if they could. It would be impossible not to mourn for their best friend and brother. Kendall spoke first.

"I promise you I won't do anything stupid or irrational, James. But..but I can't promise you that I wouldn't mourn you, or miss you. I would miss the shit out of you, man." Logan and Carlos piped in next.

"Yeah. We promise not to like...kill ourselves or anything. But we can't promise we won't be depressed if you leave us James." Logan wiped at his eyes. There were unshed tears just waiting to fall from them.

"We need you, Jamie." Carlos' face fell. He truly resembled a puppy dog. His large brown doe-like eyes rimmed with tears and his usual grin turned down into a frown. It was a sad sight. James shot them a half smile.

"Just..just don't worry about me, _okay_? I can do this. I have faith in myself." Suddenly the nausea overtook him once more. James thrust himself to the side of the bed once again and retched his insides into the kidney-shaped bedpan. Kendall rubbed his back coaxing the boy into relaxation. After another ten or so minutes of vomiting, James rested himself back on the bed. Kendall lulled James' head into his lap and briskly ran his fingers through the ill brunette's tousled locks of hair. James smiled and shot him a silent thank you as he closed his eyes once more.

Carlos grabbed James' hand and kissed it.

Kendall and Logan looked at each other and shot a smile. Carlos, out of all of them, was not one to show off their '_bromantic_' relationships. He'd snicker and tease James and Kendall for it.

Logan remembered one particular time when he and James had been caught "rough housing" and fighting in apartment 2J back in LA. When Mrs. Knight and Carlos walked in on them in a precarious position. James's body pinned down by the tinier Logan, who's limbs were sprawled around the taller boys hips. Logan still remembered all of the teasing and 'gay' jokes tossed their way for the following weeks to come.

Normally, seeing Carlos kiss James' hand would have been the perfect time to retaliate for the abuse James and himself had to endure for those following weeks. However, remembering the circumstances they were currently in, Logan and Kendall would both let this 'intimate' moment between Carlos and James slide.

James' eyes opened at the feel of soft lips against his hand. His eyes wandered to the figure who's lips gently caressed the tender skin of his hand and he could not help but smile.

"C-Carlos, man, I love you. I love _all_ of you, I cannot thank you enough for being here for me. It means _everything_ to me." James was already very tired and weak from the hour or so of chemotherapy treatment he had endured thus far. Everyones faces fell as they witnessed the clouded hazy eyes of their fallen comrade.

The boys all smiled and nodded to James, reassuring him themselves that they too loved him. They wanted nothing more than for this whole treatment and for this whole cancer thing to be over.

Their hearts fell as the realization sunk in that this was far from over, it had only just begun.

_**Ending Authors Note- By the way guys, I forgot to add this may be my last update for a week or two. I am going on a road trip to Kansas to visit my friend who is having a baby. **_

_**Don't worry though! I will be bringing my macbook along for the journey and will work on the story while I am up there (I plan on staying about a week.) SO I am hoping to finish it by the time I get back and post it once I get home.**_

_**ALSO um, I am SO STINKING SAD**_

_**Big Time Rush will be PERFORMING in the area of Kansas I am going to this Sunday. I am leaving Florida to go to Kansas ON Sunday, so I won't get there until Monday. I'm going to miss them! D': **_

_**I was hoping to leave Saturday but my friend (who's car is more reliable than my own, so we are taking her car) couldn't get Saturday off. I AM SO SAD! lol Ah well :'( I'll just have to catch them when they come to Florida next *sniff sniff* **_

_**My lord these have been super long authors notes. I'm sorry, please ignore my blabbering haha**_

_**READ, REVIEW, ENJOY! :) **_


	11. Chapter 11 Rememberance

_**Authors Note- Hello everyone! :D Sorry it's taken me soooooo long to update! As you know I went to Kansas. My week long trip turned into a 2 week long trip basically, and I was just so busy up there that I didn't have time to work on my story. THEN once I got home I found that I had a horrible case of Writers block. SOO I am so very sorry if this chapter is short or just down right crappy. I kind of feel like it feels a bit rushed, so I totally apologize for that!**_

_**Please try to enjoy it anyways! And stay tuned to the ending authors note for a couple details of my Kansas trip (if you care to hear about it haha)**_

_**Anyways, without further adieu, please read, review and ENJOY! :)**_

**Ch. 11 Remembrance**

Two agonizing weeks earnestly passed after James' first chemotherapy session. He was forbidden to do anything too strenuous on his body, and he was not allowed to go outside at all; with the exception of going to and forth from the hospital. Two and a half hours have passed since James endured his second session of chemo. He laid in his bed after returning home from the hospital and buried himself under the warm embrace of his thick comforter. James' mother, Brooke returned home to Minnesota about four days ago. Upon her arrival her motherly instincts immediately kicked in and she doted upon her ill son's every request. Now, as he rested on his bed she was rubbing his back and singing to him the way she used to when he was a young boy. James loved it when his mother sang to him, but right now all he could focus on was the burning sensation he was feeling in the pit of his stomach.

He felt so sick. It was only his second time receiving chemo and he was already so sick and tired of it. Every time he'd get sicker and sicker and it was agonizingly uncomfortable. He hated it.

Today was the first day in weeks that James felt completely alone. Sure, his mother was with him, but a few very important people in his life were missing: his friends. Kendall, Carlos and Logan were not with him today before, during or after his session. Kendall and Mrs. Knight had to bring Katie to a doctors appointment for her new found cold. Logan was tutoring his elder cousins son in mathematics since he failed his fourth grade year, and Carlos had been conned into finally mowing Mrs. Magikowski's lawn. James' father hadn't been around very much the past week or so as his shifts were getting longer at the hospital. James only saw his dad for a few split seconds earlier that day prior to his appointment. James only felt more alone when his mother announced that she would need to leave for work shortly.

Brooke hated needing to leave her son at all, but knowing that he has cancer and that their time together may be limited was slowly killing her inside. James didn't want to be alone, he didn't deserve to be alone and yet today he was going to have to be. They both hated it.

An hour passed and Brooke left for work leaving James completely alone in the house. She warned him to remember his doctors orders to not leave the house. James nodded his head. He honestly didn't think he could move from his spot on his bed anyways, he was simply too drained from the session. He felt too weak to even verbally reply, let alone get up and walk out of the house. Plus he felt far too sick to want to do anything other than rest.

James' eyes drifted shut and he quickly fell asleep. His rest was very short lived though, as his cell phone began to ring. James shakily reached for his phone on his bedside table and looked at the caller ID: Dad Cell. James yawned and opened his phone. He pressed the green talk button.

"Hello?"

"Hey, James. How you feeling son? Sorry I couldn't be there for your session today, Dr. North said it went well." James cleared his throat and wiped at his eyes which were lightly crusted with sleep.

"I'm okay, dad. I'm just really tired and I feel a little sick. It's no big deal though, I'm alright."

"You don't sound too good son. Are you sure you're okay? I can come home if you'd like, I know your mother had to leave for work and I don't want you to have to be alone." James hadn't even noticed how horrible he sounded until his father mentioned something about it. His voice was hoarse from all of the vomiting, and his breathing was a little ragged. He pushed that to the back of his mind though.

"I'm fine dad, _really_. I'm just going to sleep anyways. No need to come home, I'm fine." James heard his father take a deep breath on the other end of the phone.

"What about you, dad? You've been so busy at work, you haven't even been home the past couple of days. How are you?" James' father sighed and then let out an emotionless chuckle.

"I'm just fine and dandy. No rest, no sleep. I haven't even been able to see your mother for more than five minutes since she's been home. I can't see you. Everything is just peachy!" James felt sorry for his father. He knew that right now was a very strenuous time for all of them and his father needed his rest just as badly as James needed his. His father sounded angry, which James did not like.

"Hey, everything is going to be okay, dad. Don't worry. If you want to come home, then come home. You need rest too. If they try to give you any crap for leaving, just use me as an excuse. Just tell them I had chemo earlier today, I'm sick and I'm alone...just tell them I'm not doing well, and I need my father. It's not like it'd be a lie."

"You said you were fine, now you're saying you aren't doing well. Are you sure you're okay, son?" James smiled.

"I'm saying that if you want to come home, then do it. Do it for yourself though. I'm fine, really. Just exhausted. You are too. But they don't know that. If you want to say I'm worse off, go for it. I bet it'd get you the rest you really need." James' father laughed on the other end.

"You are too much, James. Go to bed, call me if you feel worse. I'll call you if I'm coming home." James nodded his head even though his father couldn't see it.

"Alright, bye dad."

"Bye James. Love you."

"Love you too."

With that, James hung up his phone and laid it back down on his night stand. He lulled himself back onto his pillow and pulled his blanket tighter around his chest. He was exhausted. James could feel his body shake and his racing heart thudding loudly in his chest. He hated that feeling. The feeling where you're so tired that it seems like your heart is working overtime just to keep you alive. James' eyes closed once more as he drifted back to unconsciousness.

He got a good hour or so of sleep before he started feeling nauseous again. James quickly threw his blankets off and scurried to his bathroom, thrusting himself over the toilet. His stomach churned and ached as he waited for the feeling to pass. His insides erupted for a good ten or so minutes before the queasy feeling slowly faded from full blown to barely noticeable. His head was pounding and he was upset to find he was shaking even harder than before. James was too exhausted to stand. Instead he laid down on the cool tile floor of his bathroom until he once more fell asleep.

"James! Oh God, James, come on man, get up! James!" James' eyes flew open at the shrill sound of his name echoing through his tiny bathroom, reverberating off the white porcelain tiles that lined each wall. His body was being shaken forcefully, someone was trying to wake him up. The brunette groaned and clenched his eyes shut before opening them once more. His eyes landed on the figure shaking him and calling his name: Kendall.

"James, are you okay? What happened!" James looked at his clearly distraught blonde friend with a confused face.

"What? Nothing, just fell asleep."

"On your bathroom floor? You're shivering!"

"I'm sorry. I got sick and threw up. I was just so tired afterwards. Too tired to get up, so I just laid down here." James' eyes closed once more. He was still so exhausted and he honestly still felt sicker than a dog. He couldn't help but wonder why Kendall had to go and wake him up. Actually, he wondered what Kendall was doing there at all.

"Why are you here?" Kendall shot him a sorry look. He knew James was probably upset that he couldn't go to his treatment that day, but his sister needed to go to the doctor for her sudden cold and she desperately wanted her big brother to go.

"I'm sorry I missed your treatment today. You know, I've been worried about you. When we got back from the appointment for Katie I noticed your mom was leaving. When an hour passed and she hadn't returned yet, I figured she left for work. When two hours passed and there still wasn't any sign of anyone there for you right after you had a session of chemo, I started panicking. I called your phone three times, man. You never answered. After the third call I decided to come check on you. When I came in through your bedroom window, which, by the way, you really need to start locking that thing, James. That's dangerous. Anyways, I saw your bathroom door open and I could just barely see you laying on the floor. You have no idea how freaked I was, man. I thought the worst.." Kendall trailed off and James just shot his friend a brief smile.

"Hey, I'm okay, really. Just exhausted." James' speech was slightly off. He sounded the way he felt, awful. And his appearance wasn't much better.

"Come on, lets get you to bed, buddy. You need to rest." James' eyes closed as his head bobbed up and down in a nod. His energy was quickly leaving him, he was just thankful Kendall did come. Kendall slung James' arm around his shoulders and hoisted him to his unsteady feet.

"Wow, you really are tired, huh?" The blonde remarked at the brunettes wobbly stance and limp posture.

"I told you." James shot Kendall a weak smile. Kendall led James to his bedroom. He helped ease his friend onto his soft cushiony bed, enveloping him with his warm cotton blanket. He completely tucked the blanket around James' lower body and torso. Kendall ran his fingertips across his ill friends head and frowned when he didn't like what he found.

"You feel a little warm, you sure you're okay?"

"Mm Hmm.." James was already almost completely submerged in dreamland. Kendall's left side of his mouth curled into a crooked smile. He knew his friend didn't need to be alone, not today. Even though James was asleep Kendall did not want to, and would not abandon his friend. Kendall laid down next to James on his bed. He curled his long body against the curve of his sleeping friend. He gently stroked James' soft locks of hair and within no time at all, both boys were out cold.

James awoke about two and a half hours later. The fading sunlight of the day was blaring dimly through the slits of his bedroom window, casting a golden glow on his bedroom wall. James' eyes wandered to his side to be met with the slumbering face of his best friend Kendall. James couldn't help but smile. He didn't know that Kendall stayed with him, and it made him so happy. He was so glad at least one person didn't abandon him today. He really needed someone. James' eyes wound up on his bedside table where he saw his phone laying mutely. He remembered Kendall briefly speaking about calling him, so he reached out for his phone and opened it. Three missed calls, four missed text messages. First James read the texts.

'Hey man, you ok? Plz call me, I'm worried.' - Kendall.

'Dude Kendall's buggin 'cause U aren't replying or answering him. U OK?' - Carlos

'James, Kendall just called me wondering if I've heard from you. He sounded really worried, please call one of us and let us know you're ok. Thanks!' -Logan

'James, seriously, Plz answer your phone! Why aren't you answering! I just need to know your OK! I'm coming over!' -Kendall again.

James couldn't help but wonder if he was out for a lot longer than he thought. Why were his friends so worried? He only slept for an hour or two. James went on and listened to his voice mail.

"Hey James, it's um..me. Sorry I couldn't make it to your appointment today bro, Katie felt really bad for making me miss it. You're going to have to give her a kiss once she's all better to make up for her guilty conscience haha. Um, so I'm looking out my front window right now and I see you're moms leaving. Where is she going? Do you need me to come over? Anyways, call me back. I want to know how it went. Alright? Okay, bye dude."

"Hey man, it's me again. So it's been like an hour and a half or so and you're mom still isn't back. There are no cars in your driveway. I haven't heard from you all day and honestly, it's really starting to worry me. Are you okay, James? Please call me. I just need to know that you're alright. Call me as soon as you get this message, okay? Please?"

"James, seriously I'm really starting to worry. What's wrong, are you okay? Why aren't you replying to my texts or answering your phone? Dude, I'm really worried about you. This isn't some game! Answer you're phone!...dammit James, answer or I'm coming over!"

James erased his voicemails and laid back down on his bed. He felt bad. He didn't mean to cause so much stress for his friends, honest he didn't. Yet stress, worry and sadness seems to be all he causes at all lately.

James tried his hardest to fall back to sleep. He was still utterly exhausted from his treatment and his stomach was aching in pain but sleep never came. After tossing and turning as gently as he could to not disturb his best friend for twenty minutes, James decided to just get up. Maybe he could try to eat something? If not, he'll at least have a glass of water and maybe watch some TV.

James gently tossed his legs over the side of the bed. He peeled himself out of his blanket and laid the sheet around his slumbering blonde friend. James stood up, only slightly surprised to find that he was extremely uneasy on his feet. Each step he took towards his bedroom door was wobbly, but he made it without any trips or falls. He made his way down the upstairs hallway to the stairwell. He wrapped his fingers gingerly around the mahogany railing of the staircase and stepped down a step. Then another step, and another. By the time James made it to the halfway point he found himself beginning to feel light headed. He knew he was probably pushing his limits after his chemotherapy session today, but he didn't care. He refused to be confined to his bedroom all day. He stood at the halfway point of his steps for a few moments to rest. He closed his eyes and leaned his body weight against the railing.

While resting there catching his breath James' mind began wandering. He thought back to the day he returned home. He remembered hockey practice with the guys where he first started really getting sick. Memories of the movie night came flashing back to him. He remembered how sick he felt, how that was the first time he ever felt pain like that. He remembered not going home that night, just staying at Kendall's to try to rest.

He remembered his father calling him the following day and telling him to come home and rest in his own bed. He remembered walking home..he remembered...

Suddenly it was like a burst of lightning shot through his skull. James' eyes flew open in an instant as the next memory invaded his mind.

The forgotten memory.

He remembered getting sick again once he got home. And he remembered his father punishing him. James could feel his breath hitch in his throat, becoming short gasps as the memory of his fathers grip around his neck came back to him.

James leaned heavily on the railing and began to hyperventilate as the rest of his forgotten memories rushed back to him. His side began to ache at the memory of his fathers hard kicks to his ribs. James' head began spinning when the final bit of the memory came back.

He remembered himself trying to escape. Dashing for the stairwell, the same staircase that he was now standing on. He remembered his father pulling him down, and ripping his body through the railing. Right at the very spot he currently stood. He remembered being thrown on top of the glass kitchen table. He remembered the blood, the pain, the fear. The worst part, however, was that he remembered now that is was his father doing this to him.

James could feel his body become weak. It quickly began to crumple to the ground, but it never hit. Instead he found himself being embraced by someone.

"James, you okay? What's wrong! Do you need to go to the hospital?" Kendall held James' shuddering, wide-eyed frame. James was on the brink of a melt down. He couldn't talk, he could barely breathe.

"James, calm down, what happened? I need you to take deep breaths for me, okay?" James didn't respond. He just continued to hyperventilate. Tears had formed in his eyes and were threatening to spill over at any second. His face became suddenly pale, like he had just seen a ghost. Suddenly, the key latch to the front door began to turn. After unlocking the door, the culprit entered the house. It was James' father. As soon as he heard his sons short but heavy gasps for air he threw down his keys and rushed up the stairs to him.

"James! What happened! Are you-" James' father reached an outstretched hand towards his sons face, only for it to be swatted away by James.

"No! D-don't you touch me!"

"James, buddy, calm down, it's just you're dad-"

"No!" James tried to force his voice to become louder, like a scream. He was just too weak though, so it came out as more of a whisper.

"It..it was you. Y-you did it...y-you did t-this..to me.." James' breathing just got more and more harsh with the passing of each word.

"What are you talking about, son? Calm down! I've been at work, I didn't-"

"NO!" James started furiously shaking his head. He reached his hands to the sides of it, gripping his hair roughly. "No, no, no!" Finally, James' voice revealed its self.

"You did this to me! I didn't fall! That was a lie! I came home sick from Kendall's that day. I remember! I sat on the couch and I got sick and I threw up. Instead of helping me, you hurt me! You hit me, you kicked me. You choked and strangled me.." James trailed off to gasp one long breath. Kendall shifted James' bangs out of his face and was horrified to find James had a fever.

"James, buddy, you're burning up. Calm down-" Kendall tried to plead with his ill friend, but James wouldn't have it.

"No, Kendall! Let me finish!" James' burning glare returned to his fathers shocked expression. "I t-tried to run. I bolted for the stairs. But you..you stopped me. You pulled me through the railing. I didn't pass out and fall through it, you f-forced me t-through it! It was all you!" Kendalls eyes grew wide with realization and he too turned his attention towards James' father.

"Is this true?" He practically spat the words out. Kendall had never felt so disgusted in his life. How could anyone do that to James, let alone to their own flesh and blood, their own son!

"N-no, it's not, he's feverish, he's dilusional-"

"NO dad, I'm not, and you know it! After you pulled me through the stairs, you lifted me up by my neck. You screamed in my face and you threw me on top of the kitchen table. It wasn't because I got light headed and fell, like everyone assumed. It's because you got angry, and you hurt me!"

"No, James, that's not true, it's not-"

"Yes, _dad_," James poured every ounce of venom he possessed into that final word. "Y_ou did_."

James' father stood there in silence for a moment. He tried so hard to forget the past. He wanted to badly to move on from it. He was finally getting the help he needed, he was finally going to his 'meetings' and he was on medication for his disease. He was finally in control. He never wanted to hurt his son, he truly does love him. Steven Diamond hung his head in shame.

"You're right," He began, voice as tiny as a field mouse. "I did. But, James. You need to know that while it may have been me physically, it was not me mentally. I love you to death, son! You have to believe that! It was my disease! The days leading up to the.. accident, I stopped taking my meds. I felt I didn't have time for my meetings, so I stopped going, and, I just snapped. I am so sorry for that, son. Please, please can you find it in you're heart to forgive me-" Steven Diamond placed his hand on his sons bare shoulder only for it to be shrugged off. Even though he was upset his son was so distraught and angry with him, he knew he deserved it. The one thing he really worried about now was James. His shoulder was scorching hot.

"James..how long have you had a fever, son? That's not good for your cancer, we need to get you to the hospital." His father tried once more to take a hold of his son, he knew he needed to get him to the hospital but James was not having it.

"N-no, don't t-t-touch me, get you're hands off of m-me!" James pushed against his father as hard as he could. In his weakened state it was merely a soft shove. He kept swatting his father away and trying to get away but he just couldn't fight it. The remainder of James' energy was gone. He could feel his body going limp as his strength completely left him. He slumped against Kendall who wrapped his arms protectively against his very ill best friend. James' father went to wrap his arms around James and bring him to his car only to be stopped by Kendall.

"No! Don't you touch him, don't you dare even think about it!" James' eyes were barely open and his breathing was hard. He had beads of sweat littered across his face. He had grown very pale in the last few minutes. Kendall could tell he needed to go to the hospital as soon as possible. Kendall swooped James' limp body into his arms bridal style and carried him down the remaining steps. James' father followed.

"Kendall, he needs to go to the hospital-"

"Don't you think I know that! I'm taking James to my house, my mom will take us to the hospital. I don't want you even looking at him, let alone laying a fucking finger on him, do you understand me?"

"I just want to help my son, Kendall.." Kendall turned and glared at James' father.

"I think you've done enough." James let out a soft groan and clenched his eyes shut. His head was spinning and just thinking of everything that's been going on in his life lately instantly made him feel nauseous.

"K-Ken..dall.. hurts..so tired.." James was too weak to even articulate a full sentence. His breaths were getting shorter and harder and the only color his cheeks possessed was a garnet shade of red from his fever.

"Shh..hang on buddy, I'm getting you help." Kendall quickly exited the Diamond household, slamming the door in James' fathers face. He ran as fast as he could to his house and threw the door open.

"Mom! James needs to go to the hospital, _now_! Mom, _please_hurry!"

_**Ending A/N- Okaay. Well, I hope you enjoyed that chapter, I hope it wasn't too bad or too rushed feeling :/ I just really wanted James to remember what his father did to him. Opinions! Should I have James and his father forgive eachother and make up? Or no? And eek! Somethings wrong with James, stay tuned to find out what in the next chapter!**_

_**OKAY- details of my trip!**_

_**It was so much fun you guys, I loved all of it! I had to drive through FL, GA, TN, MO and KS! My fave state to drive through was TN, it was stunning! And Kansas was so much fun! **_

_**The first night was just us settling in and meeting everyone. The next day we went horse back riding and we explored all of the cool sites and views of Fort Riley. Then we went to Pillsbury Creek on one of the days. We didn't swim, it was far too cold, but it was really cool to see it. On the "World Wide Day of Play" we went horse back riding and explored all of the "haunted" zones of Fort Riley. There was just so much stuff we did it's hard to explain it all without taking up too much space. If anyone wants to know more, feel free to PM me. I won't feel offended if you don't though haha**_

_**Lastly, the day we were supposed to leave my lovely best friend Chelsea gave birth (through C-section) to a beautiful healthy baby girl. Trinity Ann. 8lbs 7oz, 19.5in long. Welcome to the world my lovely Niece! I was so proud of Chelsea, she did so good and was so brave through the whole thing. :)**_

_**Anyways..please read, review and ENJOY! :) **_


	12. Chapter 12 Side Effects

_**Authors Note- Happy 21st Birthday to Kendall Schmidt and Kaitlyn Tarver! :D The big two-one! LOL **_

_**Sorry it took me so long to update guys, I've been super busy at work and I've been really cracking down on riding my horse. LOL **_

_**Which reminds me, yesterday was my horse Bejai's birthday! I've owned him for 2 years that day, and he turned 5 years old! So happy birthday to my Boo Boo too! :P**_

_**Please, read, review and enjoy!**_

**Ch. 12- Side Effects**

"Kendall, what's wrong?"

Mrs. Knight and Katie both flew down the stairs and entered into the living room. Katie's eyes grew huge at the sight of James. Kendall gently laid the ill boys body down on the couch and instructed Katie to fetch the thermometer. Mrs. Knight rushed to James' side and felt his forehead.

"Kendall, what happened to him? He's on fire!" Kendall brushed James' sweaty matted bangs off of his forehead.

"I-I don't know. We were sleeping and when I got up he was gone. I got up to look for him and he was practically doubled over on his staircase. He was breathing really hard and it looked like he was in pain or something. I started walking towards him, when I saw him just go limp. Luckily I caught him just in time." Katie returned to the room with the thermometer and placed it in James' ear. While they waited for it to beep, Kendall continued explaining all of the details from earlier to his mother.

"Oh my God, mom. You know when we found James and he fell over his staircase onto his table? Well, he didn't pass out like we all thought. His dad did it to him!" Mrs. Knight and Katie both shot a glance at each other and then to Kendall.

"W-what do you mean big brother?" Katie asked. The little Knight had a blue medical mask on her face to be sure she didn't spread her cold to James. She was currently clutching the brunette's limp fingers in her heavily sanitized hand.

"I guess James' memory just all came back to him. He remembered that day loud and clear. His dad made him come home. When he got there, James got really sick and threw up and his dad punished him! He yelled at him, he punched and hit him. He kicked him. He picked him up by his throat and screamed at him,"

"No way, it can't be true! Why would he do that to James?" Katie rubbed circles on the unconscious boys hand and clutched it tighter. She wiped away a lone tear streaming down her face.

"No, Katie. It's true. James said he tried to get away, he tried to run upstairs to lock himself in his room but his dad caught him. He forced James' body through the railing which is why it broke. Not because James collapsed, but because his father forced him through! Then he lifted James by his neck and threw him on top of the table. _HE_ did all of that to James! It was _HIS_ fault he got so hurt and almost died! Then he lied about it! Tried to play it off as if he never did it, like nothing even happened! Ugh, I hate him so fucking much, I just want to kill-" Just then the thermometer beeped and pulled it out of James' ear. Her eyes grew wide and she didn't waste any time.

"Kendall, grab James! Katie, go get my keys! I'm grabbing him a water bottle!"

"Mom, what was it? What was his temperature!" Kendall couldn't hide the fear in his voice. His mother always kept a cool head, but she seemed scared. Jennifer Knight looked down and in a low quiet voice stated her findings.

"105. Pick him up, Kendall! We need to get him to the hospital right now! Fevers are nothing to mess around with when you have cancer, they can kill you! We need to go now!" Katie ran off to find her mothers keys and Kendall once more swooped the feverish brunette into his arms. James was shaking. As Kendall lifted him, the ill boys eyebrows knit together and he let out a hiss of pain.

"Shh, what is it James? Are you okay?" The blondes eyes were filled with worry. James' eyelids opened into tiny slits revealing pained eyes.

"It...h-hurts...Kendall...hurts so bad..." James once more clenched his eyes shut. He groaned out loudly as his teeth began to chatter.

"What hurts James? Is it your head? Tell me what's hurting you." James could barely respond. He started to drift off into unconsciousness once more.

"Mom! He's shivering! Hurry with the water and keys!" Mrs. Knight and Katie both returned to the living room at once. Katie clutched a small blanket in her hands just in case her mother allowed them to wrap it around James and Mrs. Knight held her car keys, an ice pack and a water bottle.

"Lets get him to the car and get on the road! Hurry, we don't have much time!" Mrs. Knight and Katie sprinted outside, unlocking the car and hopping in. Kendall carefully carried James to the car, opened the door and placed James in the back seat. Kendall slid in and hooked James' seatbelt around his waist, and then his own. He then, careful not to harm him, lulled James's body against his own. The brunette's feverish forehead pressed against Kendalls chin. Kendall wrapped his arms around the sickly boys frame and held him close to him. Mrs. Knight handed him the ice pack which he laid on James' forehead. Mrs. Knight started the car. Practically revving her engine she took off down the driveway, shifted the car into drive and sped towards the hospital. James groaned softly and buried his face into Kendalls chest.

"Shh..it's okay, buddy. Everything is going to be okay." Kendall seized this point in time to send out three text messages: One for Logan, one for Carlos, and one for James' mother, Brooke. Kendall pounded on the keypad of his iPhone a quick blunt message.

'James has a high fever he's very sick. Bringing him to the hospital.' Kendall hit send.

The car ride which normally took fifteen to twenty minutes only took about ten as Mrs. Knight sped her small family to the hospital. She drove directly to the emergency entrance and dropped Kendall and James off.

"Go in, we'll park and meet you inside." Kendall nodded and rushed James through the emergency double doors.

As soon as the two boys rushed in the staff behind the checkin desk shot looks of horror. They all recognized James by now, and they had just seen him a few hours ago. It was shocking to them to see how much the boys condition had changed within those few hours.

"Oh my goodness, what happened to James?" It was the familiar voice of nurse Nancy who noticed them first.

"Call Dr. North, tell him there's an emergency in the lobby with his patient James Diamond. Hurry!" She informed the closest nurse. She quickly ran over to Kendall with a wheel chair and helped him lower James into it. James hissed out in pain.

"What hurts, sweetie?" Nurse Nancy asked in her gentle tone. She lifted James' face up gently by his chin and examined him. James' eyes were wrenched shut and his face was contorted with pain.

"H-hurts..." He managed to mumble before another groan escaped his lips. He doubled over into himself, one hand clenching his hair tightly in his closed fist, the other wrapped around his abdomen.

"I know, honey. Is it your head, your stomach?" Nurse Nancy placed her hand on his shoulder.

"B-both..." He squeaked out before another shooting pain tore through him. Kendall bent down by James and rubbed his back gently, cooing softly in his ear.

"Shh..it's okay, buddy, it's alright. You're going to be fine..." Finally Dr. North entered into the hospital lobby, stethoscope dangling from his neck. He nodded towards James, nurse Nancy and Kendall then he quickly laced his fingers around the wheelchairs handles.

"Don't you worry Mr. Diamond , we'll take good care of you." He shot a brief smile towards Kendall before he and nurse Nancy took off down the hallway towards the emergency room.

Kendall walked into the waiting room and collapsed into the first empty seat he saw. He buried his face into his hands and let out a long sigh. Why did all of this need to happen to James? He didn't deserve this.

Mrs. Knight and Katie ran through the entrance of the hospital and immediately found Kendall, both took a seat by him. Kendall raised his head and glanced at his mother. His eyes were a little red and puffy and had unshed tears in them.

"They took him into the ER." Kendall stated quietly. Mrs. Knight shot her son a sad smile and quickly enveloped him into a hug. Kendall couldn't hold it in any longer and his tears quickly began to fall.

"Mom, what's going to happen to him? I can't lose him!" Mrs. Knight had to stifle her own tears.

"I wish I could tell you, baby. I'm sure Dr. North will be able to help him. It's going to be okay, James is a fighter. He is going to be okay." Kendall sniffled and pulled away from his mother, hastily wiping at his tears.

"We don't know that! I feel like I'm lying to myself every time I say that, I feel like I'm lying to him every time I say that!" Katie decided to join the conversation at this point.

"Big brother, moms right. We just need to have faith in James and in his doctor. James is strong, Kendall. James is so strong, one of the strongest people we know. How many teenagers do you know who find out they have cancer, essentially discover they may very well be dying and they tell you straight to your face that they aren't scared? I'll tell you how many big brother. Not many. Most people would be scared out of their mind, heck, most adults would be terrified! But James isn't, Kendall. James isn't afraid because he has faith in himself. He thinks he'll pull through because he is confident in his strength, he knows he can beat it. And you know what, big brother? I believe he can too!" Katie looked into her brothers tear-filled green eyes. Her large brown eyes showed fear, but they also showed confidence. She believed her words. Kendall couldn't help but smile at his sister. Kendall pulled Katie into a tight embrace.

"You're right, baby sister. James is the strongest person I have ever met, hands down. If anybody can do this, he can. And he will." Kendall squeezed Katie tight once more before releasing her. He smiled at her and wiped his stray tears from his cheek. Katie smiled back and then sat on her brothers lap.

"He will, Kendall. James will beat this." Katie nuzzled her face into her brothers broad chest and wrapped her arms around his waist. Both siblings stayed like that for a long time. They embraced each other and found comfort in each others arms. After staying in that position for twenty or so minutes Katie fell asleep and left Kendall and alone to wonder about James' condition.

"I wonder how he's doing." Kendall thought out loud to no one in particular. His mother looked up from her magazine she was reading to him, and then glanced to the nurses desk.

"I'm not sure, but I'm going to try to find out." She gently laid the magazine on the empty chair beside hers and walked over to the nurses' station. She smiled warmly at the nurse typing away at the computer when she looked up.

"Hello, I'm Jennifer Knight. I was just wondering if there was any news on the condition of James Diamond?" The nurse returned the smile.

"I can certainly check. Are you family?"

"He's my son." Mrs. Knight didn't so much as blink when she claimed James as her son. The nurse smiled and then thumbed through some files.

"There's no new information on James' condition, but as soon as I hear anything, I will be sure to inform you." Mrs. Knight nodded and smiled before returning to the waiting room and sitting next to Kendall. She sighed and picked back up her magazine.

"Nothing yet, sweetie." Kendall looked at his mother with sad eyes and then looked away. They sat in silence for a while until frantic voices and footsteps were heard down the hall. Kendall sat up immediately as the people possessing the voices rounded the corner. It was Logan and Carlos.

"Where is he? Where's James!" Logan demanded. He was slightly out of breath from running through the hallway.

"Is he okay?" Carlos yelped. He was covered in grass clipping and was also left a bit breathless from the trek to the hospital.

"No news. He's still in the emergency room. Guys, I'm really worried. He was in a lot of pain and he just collapsed."

Both boys took a seat near their blonde leader. Todays events were a hazy blur to them as they hadn't even known anything was wrong at all until Kendall's text. Their faces were all sullen and filled to the brim with concern for James. No one knew what was wrong, no one knew if the boy was alright or if he was going to be okay. What happened to James anyways? Was James still even alive? So many questions were left unanswered.

The silence in the waiting room was deafening. The only sound in the cold sterilized room was the ticking of the analog clock on the wall which seemed to be screaming as it went. Carlos shifted around uncomfortably in his chair. We was growing impatient as the time went by. Seconds turned to minutes, minutes turned to an hour. It just seemed like forever and an eternity would pass before they were informed of the fate of their beloved friend. Luckily for them, they wouldn't have to wait quite that long. Nurse Nancy finally entered into the waiting room with a clipboard tucked to her chest. She made her way to the small group that formed and smiled at them.

"Sorry about that long wait, I'm sure it must have been agonizing for all of you. James is doing fine. We managed to get his fever lowered to one-hundred degrees and he is on pain medication. He is currently resting, but if you all would like to see him you may. Just let him rest, he is exhausted." Kendall was the first to stand. So many questions were racing through his mind, but he started with what he felt was the most important one.

"What happened to him?"Nurse Nancy smiled at the young man before answering his question.

"James is suffering, unfortunately, from side effects from the chemotherapy. Everyone takes to it differently, and many people experience certain side effects. It varies based upon each person. James appears to suffer from chills and fever. As well as pain and discomfort. He may or may not experience this every time he undergoes a treatment, unfortunately, we won't know until his next one. However, now we know how to try and prevent it, and if not prevent, we can lessen the effects and help him be more comfortable."Carlos and Logan shared glances of worry to Kendall and then each other before Logan spoke up.

"So, he experiences chills and fever as well as pain? Does the pain occur to any general region, or is it sporadically all over his body?" Logan questioned, he needed to know anything he could to learn how to help his ailing friend.

"It is most common for it to occur in one's lower back, which James did have some slight discomfort in. His seems mainly in his abdomen and head. Stomach pains can be common, and I'm guessing the headache is simply because that is where his cancer lies." They all nod in understanding. Nurse Nancy motions for the small group to follow her.

They made their way down a long hallway in the hospital corridor past the emergency room and into the recovery section of the hospital. Nurse Nancy opened the door leading to James' room. Kendall was the first to enter and strode right up to James' bed, sitting on the edge of it. He rubbed his hand across the boys brow. His fever was much lower, at a normal heat which calmed the blonde tremendously. Kendall smiled then intertwined his fingers with James'. The rest of the family entered and nurse Nancy exited the room leaving them alone with James. They all crowded around the ill boys bed. Some color had returned to his once gray-hued cheeks but he still was quite pale. He looked frail and sick. Seeing him lay still in that hospital bed made James' condition much more real.

They noticed how thin he appeared. He had undoubtedly lost some weight since the beginning of his chemo sessions. His arms still had muscle, but he wasn't nearly as ripped as he had once been only a short few weeks ago. They noticed his cheeks were hollow, his cheek bones so pronounced it reminded Carlos of a skeleton. His hair was dull. There was no shine to it and it just looked brittle and frail, much like the rest of him. They knew it would be no time at all before he would begin losing his hair, if he hadn't already. James' breathing was normal which comforted them, and the reading of the heart monitor displayed a strong heartbeat. Kendall stared at the readings of that heart monitor. He flashed back to the dream he had about James dying on that hospital gurney when they first learned he had cancer. He knew he would do everything in his power to prevent that nightmare from becoming a reality.

James groaned in his sleep and squeezed Kendalls hand. His eyes began to flutter and in no time he was awake.

"Oh, hey," James glanced around the room he was in and to each face. "W-where am I?" Kendall frowned.

"You're in the hospital buddy. You were running a really bad fever and you were in a lot of pain so we brought you here. How ya feeling?" James swallowed the saliva that had built up in his mouth then licked his lips.

"Oh yeah. I'm sorry I scared you guys," He looked away ashamed at his actions but finished Kendalls question. "I'm feeling a little better. My head is a bit foggy and my stomach is tingling a little but I'll be okay," He trailed off for a moment then finished. "I'll survive."

Kendall looks at James' face. He noticed something had changed in the boys demeanor. Throughout this whole cancer ordeal James' eyes showed confidence when he told them he would make it. However, just now when he said he would survive his eyes were displaying something else. They showed fear, worry and doubt. This scared Kendall. He turned towards everyone in the room.

"Hey guys, can I have some time alone with James?" Everyone looked to Kendall but agreed and exited the hospital room. Kendall turned his full attention to James. He went to ask the ill boy a question only to be interrupted by James.

"Kendall, I'm...I'm scared." Kendall's heart dropped at James' statement. He was scared. The pressure of everything, of all the stress had finally caught up to him and it was destroying the boys confidence.

"James, don't be scared buddy. We're all here for you. You're doing great so far, man. You've been so strong through this whole thing and we are all so proud of you for that. Just keep that confidence up. You're doing great." It amazed Kendall when he looked to James and saw tears in the brunette's eyes.

"Kendall," James' voice shrunk into a whisper. "I don't want to die." James' tears tumbled down the sharp ridge of his cheekbone and cascaded down his face. Kendall went to wipe it away only for more tears to follow. James began to tremble as his body was racked with sobs. Kendall couldn't help it when he too began to cry. He threw his arms around James' shoulders and pulled him close. James buried his tear stained face into the crook of Kendalls neck and continued to cry. Kendall just held James. He held him so tight, he was so afraid that if he loosened his grip or let go that James would crumble from the weight of everything. It was so hard to watch and listen to James cry. His sobs were heartbreaking. Each tear that fell Kendall could feel his heart break more and more.

"James, I know everything seems really negative right now. But look at you man, you're alive! You've been through so much and you've never let it get to you. You're so strong James, you can do this. You can beat this! I know you can!" Kendall kissed James' shoulder to comfort the boy only for James to peel himself away from his embrace.

"Kendall. M-my dad beat me so bad I didn't remember it happening. I have c-cancer..my life is so fucked up right now, man. I'm in pain all the time. I'm so weak that every time I stand up I feel like my legs are going to break from the pressure of me standing on them. I get dizzy if I look at things for too long. My focus is hazy. Sometimes when I wake up it's hard for me to breathe," James let out another sob and Kendall pulled him into another embrace.

"I know James, It's hard. You have had so much negative stuff in your life lately, I cannot believe how strong and brave you've been. It scares me at times to know you're so brave James." Kendall smiles and rubs James' back. James' eyes close and he relaxes in Kendalls embrace.

"Sometimes," He began. "Sometimes I wake up and wish I hadn't. Sometimes I wish that," He sniffles to try and hold back tears. "Sometimes I wish that I could just die. That all of my pain would go away. Sometimes I wish for it all to end. I've even...I've even considered ending it myself." James admits as he freely begins to cry once more. Kendalls eyes widen at his words. James had considered ending his life? When? He's been so brave, when had he considered killing himself?

"James," Kendall pulls the boys shaking form upright and stares him dead in the eyes. "Don't you ever say that again, do you hear me? Don't you even think about it!" Kendalls tears fall harder now."You can beat this James. I have never, ever in my entire lifetime met anyone with as much heart as you, James. You are the strongest individual I have ever met. If anyone can beat cancer, it is you, James. You can beat it and you will beat it. Do you hear me, James? You will beat this! I have never felt so strongly over something in my life. You're going to beat this cancer, you're going to kick this cancers ass! And you are going to survive. You're going to beat it and you're going to live an amazing and long life. You'll find the girl of your dreams and get married one day. You'll start a family. You, me and the guys we'll grow old and gray together and we'll have just as strong of a friendship as we do now, James. You can do this, I know you can. James Anthony Diamond, you will beat this!" James' crying eases as Kendalls reassuring words.

"But, Kendall-" Kendall holds his finger to James' lips.

"Shh. James, I want you to repeat after me, okay? I can do this. I will beat this and I will survive." James' shakes his head.

"I can't-"

"Do it James!"

"I can do...I can't do this, Kendall."

"Say it, James. If you don't say it then you'll never believe it again." James tried a few times but his words were empty. He wasn't confident in them, he didn't believe them. It took some coaching but in no time at all James was starting to believe his words.

"I can do this, I will beat this-"

"Stronger, James, shout it like you believe it!"

"I can do this, I-"

"Louder, come on!" Finally James sat up straight. He held his hand over his chest and his eyes burned with confidence.

"I can do this! I will beat this and I will survive!" Kendall and James shared a confident grin with each other.

"I know you will."

_**Ending A/N- I wasn't too proud of this chapter, I just found it boring, honestly. I hope you guys enjoy it. I just wasn't feeling it. Anyways, thanks for reading! Hopefully it doesn't take me another month to update again next time! LOL Thanks for reading, please review! And no matter what I pray that you enjoy! :) **_


	13. Chapter 13 Loss

_**Authors Note- Hey guys! Nope, I'm not dead! I've just been extreeemely busy and I SO apologize to all of you for that! It's been exactly 2 months since my last update on this story, I sincerely hope that this chapter can some what make up for my lack of updating ;)**_

_**Before I start I'd like to give a HUGE shout out to my lovely friend Chanson (BTR'slovesong) for ALL of her amazing help with this chapter. You have no idea how lost I was with this guys. I didn't know which way was up or down, she totally helped me figure this out! She is AMAZING, THANK YOU CHANNY GIRL, I love ya! (Totally check out her stories if you haven't already, she's an amazing author. I can't pick just one of her stories to tell you to check out, they are ALL amazing!) So check her out!**_

_**Anywho, without further adieu, PLEASE enjoy this next installment of Tears of an Angel! :)**_

_**_ **_

Chapter 13- Loss

"James, wake up." Kendall stated as he gently shook the shoulders of his slumbering best friend.

It had been a couple of days since James' episode and he was fully recovered from it now. No more pain, no more fever. Though, he was still cancer ridden, they were all at least a little relieved. Kendall hadn't left James' side since their conversation at the hospital. He also hasn't allowed James out of his sight, nor out of his home. Kendall refused to allow James to return to that hell hole of a "_home_" that he lived in, and so, he has been staying at Kendall's house. Upon explaining the details to James' mother, she understood and allowed it.

Brooke has visited every day which makes James happy. However, the ill boy has been filled with so much stress the past few days. James' father refuses to allow his son to completely block him from his life. He's constantly calling, texting and knocking on Kendall's door begging and pleading to see his boy, but to no avail. He'd left countless voicemail's and messages on James' phone, stating how much he loved him, and how sorry he was that it had come to this. How he would do anything in his power to change it, to take back everything he had done, anything to get his boy back. James just read each text, listened to every voicemail, deleteing each and every single one just for more to fill their place. The stress was building up inside of him and he feared it would be any second he would break.

James groaned and looked at Kendall then rolled away from him covering his face with the blanket. He just wanted to sleep, to forget the stress in his life and forget about his sickness, just for a little while longer.

"Five more minutes, Kendall. I'm so tired, _please_?" Kendall frowned but nodded his head anyways.

"Fine, but _only_ five minutes, then you're getting up, okay?" James nodded then closed his eyes, curling himself deeper into the blankets warm embrace. Kendall felt James' forehead to gauge the boys temperature simply to find it was perfectly normal. Kendall smiled and then ruffled James' hair earning a groan from James.

"M'sleepy Kendall, wasting my five minutes.." Kendall chuckled then gently rubbed James' back until he heard soft snores coming from James' mouth. Kendall rubbed his back for a moment more before exiting the room. He knew he said only five minutes, but he could tell James was very tired, and with how much stress the boy had been under the past couple days, actually, the past month or so really, he deserved his rest.

Kendall made his way into the kitchen where he decided to make James some soup. Kendall pulled out a pot from the cabinet next to the stove and filled it with the can of Campbell's chicken noodle soup. He cooked the soup, stirring it occasionally to make sure no noodles stuck to the bottom. Once it was done he ladled the contents of the soup into a bowl then plopped a spoon into it. He set the steaming hot soup on the kitchen table and then decided to go attempt waking James once more. Five minutes had quickly turned into twenty but Kendall didn't mind, James earned his rest.

Kendall re-entered his bedroom and sat next to James' form. He gently laid his hand on his friends shoulder and shook him once more.

"James, buddy, I gave you twenty minutes, time to get up. I made you some soup." James groaned but sat up anyways. He rubbed his hand over his face as he let out a yawn.

"M'kay." James threw his long legs over the side of the bed, firmly planting his feet on the ground and hoisted himself up. He felt lightheaded from getting up so quickly and stumbled, only to be steadied by Kendall.

"Easy buddy, need help?" James shook his head as he recomposed himself.

"Nah, I'm okay now, thank you, buddy." James and Kendall made their way into the kitchen where James sat in front of his bowl of soup. James grabbed the spoon and blew on the contents, before slurping the soup down loudly, earning a giggle from Kendall.

"You've always been the loudest slurper I know." James smiled for a second until he heard his phone go off. The ringtone was his fathers. James quickly hit the end button, sending his father to voicemail, only for him to hang up and try again. This continued for five minutes. Finally James couldn't take it anymore and he pulled the battery out of his phone and slammed it against the table. He then twisted his long slender fingers through his hair and began tugging, letting out a groan of frustration.

"Why can't he just leave me alone!" James clenched his eyes shut willing the tears to go away. Kendall scooted closer to James, wrapping his arm around his friends shoulders in comfort.

"Hey, it's okay, we won't let him hurt you anymore. You're safe here with me." James nodded and looked into his friends bright emerald eyes.

"Thanks, Kendall." Kendall smiled before patting James' back.

"Don't mention it man, now finish you lunch, I'm gonna see where Logie and Carlito's are."

Kendall exited the room just as there was a knock on the front door. Kendall twisted the knob and opened it, being met by the familiar smiles of his two other best friends.

"Hey, Kendall!" Greeted Carlos with a huge grin.

"I brought you and James candy!" He cheered, hoisting a large bag filled with skittles, snickers, reese's as well as M&M's. Kendall smiled and Logan rolled his eyes.

"James might not be able to handle all of those sweets, Lito's." Logan preached.

"I can sure try." James stated, entering into the front room of Kendalls house with a smile on his face. Carlos cheered and literally jumped for joy while Logan stared at James.

"Just don't over do it, okay? I don't want you getting sick to your stomach, the chemo does that enough for you..." Logan trailed off as he took in James' appearance. The boy just looked so...tired.

"You okay, James?" James' smile faltered a little as he cast his gaze to the ground below.

"I'm fine, just tired and..._stressed_." Kendall squeezed James' shoulder in reassurance.

"Stressed? About what, is it your cancer?" Logan asked walking up to the ill boy to further inspect him, laying his hand across his forehead. James' tilted his head away from Logan's touch.

"No, not really. It's just my dad. He keeps calling, and leaving me messages and texting,"

"And coming over here, I've had to run him off at least three times now, Katie threatened to sick our Rottweiler Spike on him.."

"You don't have a dog names Spike.." Carlos stated.

"I know, but _he_ doesn't know that." Kendall smirked. James sighed and leaned against the wall rubbing his temples.

"I don't know, he won't leave me alone, it's really stressing me out. I don't want to talk to him right now, not after remembering what he did to me, and remembering how he lied about it. He never even attempted to tell me the truth. He basically tried to kill me and cover it up!" The memories flooded James' mind once more causing him to get the familiar pounding of a headache. He clenched his eyes shut leaning heavier against the doorframe.

"Hey man, why don't you lay down," Started Logan taking in the uncomfortable expression on the sick boys face.

"Yeah, you don't look so good." Finished Carlos.

"Come on, lets get you back to bed, buddy." Kendall gently led James back to the bedroom and helped ease him onto the bed. James laid his head on the pillow with his eyes still clenched shut. The room was bright and his headache was still very strong.

"You sure you're okay, man?" Kendall asked, worry seeping from his voice.

"Yeah, I just have a headache, thinking about everything that's been going on does that to me." Kendall nodded.

"Well, here," Kendall closed the blinds to the window in his room, permitting darkness to shroud the room.

"Better?" He asked. James nodded.

"Mmhmm, much." James nuzzled deeper into the blankets as he quickly began to succumb to unconsciousness.

"Thanks, Kendall."

"Anytime, bro. Sleep tight." Kendall tucked the blankets around James' unconscious frame and kissed his forehead before exiting the room.

James laid in the dark confines of the bedroom but he was not asleep. His mind wouldn't stop reeling, his head was spinning with memories that he simply did not want to remember. He groaned silently, turning over on the bed and curling into a tight ball. He was so tired, he wished his mind had an off switch. Just this once. Finally after close to an hour of tossing and turning his eye lids finally closed until he knew no more.

Seconds later, or so it felt, anyways, James' cell phone began to vibrate on the nightstand. The ill boy flopped over and groggily snatched it into his hands and held it to his ear. He pressed talk without even checking who called.

"Hello?" James asked, voice laden with sleep.

"James! It's dad, oh how I've missed you're voice, how are you?"

James' eyes shot open, he could feel his heart sink into his stomach and his headache quickly returned.

"D-dad? I-I gotta go. I can't do this right now, I-"

"James, _wait_, I'm sorry! I never meant to hurt you, I love you so much son," His father was pleading. James could hear the urgency in his voice and the sincerity. He just wanted to talk to his boy.

"I can't do this, I just can't!" James quickly snapped his phone shut and sat up in his bed. He placed his head in the palm of his hands and just tried to steady his breathing. Kendall happened to be passing by the room and heard the end of James' conversation, he heard the fear in his friends voice and instinctively went in the room to check on him.

"James, you okay? What happened, buddy?" Kendall placed his hand on James' shuddering shoulder. James looked up, his hazel orbs filled with sadness, guilt, confusion. He shook his head and quickly stood up.

"N-nothing, I'm fine," He began.

"You don't look fine, tell me what's wrong, man." Kendalls green eyes were worried. James was shaky on his feet as he quickly began walking towards the door.

"Kendall, I'm fine. I'm just...I'm going to take a shower." With that James entered the bathroom connected to Kendalls room. The brunette closed the door behind him, locking it. He threw the shower curtain open and adjusted the knobs so the shower was as hot as he could handle. Kendall knocked on the door, continuing to be sure James was indeed fine, but James ignored him. He slipped his pajama bottoms off, tossing them in a heap by the bathroom door, followed by his gray wife beater. He finally shrugged out of his boxers and stepped into the stream of the shower, closing the shower curtain behind him. The water was hot and it felt amazing to James. Each water droplet he could feel his anger, his sadness and all of his frustrations wash away.

James tilted his head forward beneath the stream of the water. He stood there, allowing the water to fully drench his hair and pour down his neck, across his shoulders and down his back finally dropping off onto the stark white porcelain of the tub. He firmly pressed the palms of his hands against the ivory tiles lining the wall of the shower. The cold was almost refreshing contrasted to the heat of his hands, steam and perspiration filling the gaps between each of his fingers. He closed his eyes and just willed everything to go away. He didn't want to remember anything, he didn't want to think about anything. He just wanted to relax. James inhaled deeply allowing the hot air in the shower to fill his lungs. James just felt so comfortable and relaxed for the first time in a long time.

"Why can't I just always feel like this?" He questioned himself. James ran his hand through his hair, pushing the tangled wet mass off of his face. Replacing his hand against the wall James took another deep breath. However, his eyes opened when he noticed something was wrapped around his hand uncomfortably. Blinking away the water James pulled his hand closer to his eye level and stared at it.

Wrapped around his fingers, was a large cluster of hair. His beautiful auburn hair was..._coming out_?

James took his free hand and untangled the mass of hair. It was not just one or two strands of hair, no, there were tons of them, huge chunks of hair. Way more than the average person should ever shed. James dropped the clump of hair like it was scorching his skin. His eyes grew wide and he felt as though his lungs were being crushed. His heart was pounding wildly in his chest.

"_No_..." James started. He gently placed his hand on the back of his head, he stroked the hair softly before intertwining his fingers with the hair, he gently tugged. He felt his breath catch in his throat when the hair he clutched easily lost it's rooting from his scalp and dangled limply in his hand.

James' knee's went weak and he lost his footing in the tub. He fell down hard, he was almost positive every occupant in Kendall's house heard his loud thud, heck he wouldn't be surprised if the entire neighborhood heard it but he didn't care at this point. His beautiful prize possession, his hair was falling out and there was nothing he could do about it. James laid at the bottom of the tub, the hot water pounding against his frail frame as his body was wracked with sobs. He couldn't hold his tears at bay, he couldn't silence himself. He just had to cry. And cry he did. His breaths were coming in short gasps, he could hardly breath and he couldn't focus on anything but the despair he felt. He didn't even notice when there were three sets of hands pounding on the bathroom door, begging and pleading for him to let them in.

"James, are you alright?" Kendall asked, pounding on the door.

"James, did you fall, are you hurt?" Asked Logan.

"Jamie, please let us in!" Begged Carlos, allowing his own tears to fall at the shrill sound of James' crying.

James' mind finally focused and he could make out the sound of his friends pleading. His friends, he needed to be strong for them. James let out one more sob before sitting up in the tub. His side and hip were sore from falling, but he pushed that to the back of his mind. He knew he had to control his emotions, he couldn't allow his friends to see him like this. He needed to be brave for them, like they were being for him. Finally James hoisted himself back into a standing position, he ran his head and face under the water again, vigorously wiping at his eyes and cheeks to get rid of any trace of tears there might be. Finally he shut the water off and threw back the curtain, watching the steam billow out. He quickly grabbed the hair from the tub and threw it into the toilet and flushed it before anyone else could notice. Using his hand he wiped the steam off of the mirror and inspected his face.

His eyes were a little red and puffy, but he knew he could blame that on getting soap in his eye. Other than that and the skin on his face and body being a little red, which he could blame on the heat of the shower he looked okay, he guessed. Finally James wrapped the white towel from the towel rack around his waist and opened the door being eagerly met by his friends worried stares.

"Oh, h-hey guys." He began, a small smile across his face.

"James, are you okay? What happened man, we heard a loud crash, and-"

"Nothing, I'm fine. I just fell, I'm-"

"You fell? How hard, do you need to go to the hospital?" Logan asked "What did you land on, are you-"

"Loges, chill, I'm okay."

"But, why were you crying James?" Carlos asked in his innocent tone. James cast his gaze downward.

"I'm fine, I didn't cry. I was...laughing at myself for falling." Carlos couldn't believe his ears, it was obvious James had been crying. Carlos recognized the difference between crying and laughing and James had definitely been crying. Hell, he had been sobbing. Something had clearly upset him. Kendall's green gaze stuck to James. He could see through James' mask, he knew something was clearly upsetting his best friend, his brother. But James didn't want to talk about it. At least not now, anyways. He figured he could save his friend his pride.

Finally James tilted his head back up and looked at his friends, his sheepish smile still plastered there.

"_Laughing_?" Began Carlos, "James, we definitely didn't hear laughing, we heard you cry-"

"James, I believe you." Kendall interjected.

"What?" Asked Logan and Carlos utterly confused. "But, he-"

"He must have gotten tired and fell. Or, I don't know, slipped on soap or something. He doesn't look hurt, he looks fine to me. So how about we just stop interrogating him."

"Yeah, guys. I'm totally okay, I mean it." James' smile was small but seemed genuine, but in his eyes, Kendall couldn't get past the look of despair in those hazel orbs.

"Well," Began Logan. "I guess okay then. But I swear, if you start feeling sick or sore from falling let us know immediately, that could have really done some damage to you, James!"

James nodded his head, just happy the attention seemed to finally be ending on him.

"I promise. Cross my heart and hope to...eat candy." James didn't want to say hope to die for obvious reasons.

"Cool!" Cheered Carlos. "Then come play video games with us? There's Candy down stairs, and Black Ops!"

James smiled at his small latino friend.

"Thanks Carlos, that sounds fun. But, I'm kind of tired so I think I'm just going to go lay down...good night, buddy." James patted Carlos' back before allowing himself to exit the bathroom. Carlos and Logan exited the room, allowing James the space he needed and privacy to change into some dry clothes. Kendall, however, lingered for a little bit longer.

"Hey," He began placing his palm on his best friends shoulder. "You sure that you're okay, man?" He finally questioned.

James let out a deep sigh and had to physically stop himself from running his fingers through his hair in fear of more falling out.

"Kendall, I appreciate all of the concern, I _do_. But I am fine, really." He trudged his way to his designated drawer and pulled out a fresh pair of boxers, black and gold plaid pajama bottoms and a fresh gray wife beater. Finally, he walked into the bathroom and closed the door behind him. James ran the towel over his body quickly to wipe away any remaining droplets of water before putting his boxers on. He continued to dress by slipping into his warm pajama bottoms. Kendall opened the door before James could put his shirt on.

"James, I-" He cut himself off when he saw James' hip.

"James, your, your hip, it's-" James glanced down at his hip. It hadn't been more than ten minutes since he collapsed in the shower and the hip he fell on was already heavily bruised. It looked as though he had been hit by a car with how badly it was bruised. It was marred with deep shades of purple and yellow. It looked painful.

"Oh, wow," James stated, gently touching the bruise. He reeled his hand back when the slightest pressure hurt. He hissed out in pain.

"Here, come on, lets get you to bed, man." Kendall gently grabbed James by his arm and led him out of the bathroom. James had a slight limp from the pain in his hip, he was amazed at how quickly it popped up.

"Lay down." Kendall instructed. James obeyed, laying on his side that wasn't bruised. Kendall quickly examined the bruise. He wasn't a doctor, but he had seen enough hockey injuries to know what a broken bone looked like, or any serious injuries. He gently felt the contours of James' hip, earning groans of pain from the tall brunette.

"Nothing seems broken, so that's good. That bruise is quite the doozy though, dude." James merely nodded in response. He wanted to be left alone, so he faked being tired. He closed his eyes to half lids and steadied his breathing.

"Mmhmm.." Kendall looked at James' face and saw how exhausted his friend was. He gently pulled the blankets over James' body, being mindful of his bruised hip.

"Go to bed, okay, buddy?" James simply nodded. Kendall kissed James' forehead before exiting the room.

When James heard the door click shut and he was sure that Kendall was no where within hearing range he allowed his emotions to open up. He gently ran his fingers through his precious locks of hair, allowing a single tear to run down the bridge of his nose and land onto his feathery soft pillow. James felt like an idiot, crying over something like hair, but it was his hair. He had always been known for how amazing his hair was, he poured so much pride into it.

He always bought the most expensive hair products. He spoiled his hair like it was his own child and now, his hair is falling out. It's falling away and receding into nothingness. Soon enough he will have no hair left, even his long luscious lashes that get all of the ladies hearts fluttering will fall away and disappear. He only hopes that with each lash that falls out, he can wish on each one. He already knew what he'd wish for, as each wish would be the same.

"_Let me live._"

James' body shook with each silent sob he made. He was sure to be as silent as possible, he didn't want any more attention on him, he was sick of being in the spotlight for now. He just wanted to be alone to wallow in his own misery.

The sound of footsteps snapped James out of his sobs, he quickly turned over facing away from the door to hide his tear stained face. Holding in a gasp of pain when he landed on his bruised hip. He quickly wiped away his tears and pulled the blanket closer around his frame, closing his eyes and feigning sleep.

The bedroom door creaked open ever so slightly. Carlos peeked his head in, scanning the room over and finally looking at James.

"Psst, Jamie. You awake?" He silently whispered. When James didn't so much as stir Carlos tip toed over to the bed and rubbed James' back.

"Hey, I know you're asleep, but I just wanted to let you know that I still think you were crying, buddy. I wish you would just open up to us and let us help you. We love you James, hearing you cry like that. It...it breaks my heart, buddy." Carlos wiped away his tears that silently fell down his soft tanned cheeks.

"Well, I guess I'll let you rest. Good night, Jamie. I love you buddy." Carlos gently hugged James before exiting the room, closing the door behind him.

James quickly rolled onto his back so that his abused hip wasn't under so much pressure anymore. He continued to sob, and gently caress his locks of beautiful auburn hair. He hated this, all of it. He hated how he was losing his hair, he hated how easily he was beginning to bruise. He hated how tired he was all the time, how weak he was. He hated how upset he was. But most of all, he hated how much his illness was effecting his friends. His best friends, his brothers were in just as much pain as he was, and he hated it more than anything.

James' sobbing continued for over an hour, he just couldn't control it. He felt lightheaded from it, the room was spinning and he was so dizzy. A wave of nausea quickly took over him and he had no choice but to run to the bathroom. His hip screamed in protest, but he refused to vomit on Kendall's bedroom floor.

He crumpled to his knees in front of the toilet just in time for his stomach contents to explode into it. He retched for a good ten minutes before flushing the toilet. He hoisted himself off the ground and made his way to the sink. Turning the faucet on, he ran his hands through the water, cupping his hands together he took water into his mouth, gurgled and spit it out. He then splashed some water onto his face. James peered up at the mirror. His reflection scared him.

He no longer recognized the boy who was staring back at him. His skin was so pale, and his cheeks so sunken in. The circles under his eyes were a dark gray color. His cheeks were tinged pink, but that was the only healthy color he could see. He just looked so...sick.

James looked at his eyes. They were no longer bright and full of life like they always used to be. They were dull and seemed to almost refract no light at all. His irises were blown wide. Overall his eyes looked...stark, sad, and lifeless.

His lips were pale, no longer the lovely tone of pink they normally were, and they were dry and chapped. He ran his tongue over them to revive them to no use.

Finally he examined his hair. On the outside it didn't appear to be thinning. It was dull, no longer shiny and lustrous like he had known it to always be. But it was still full and seemingly present. He ran his hand through his hair, once again allowing himself to tug at the strands. Maybe he had imagined his hair coming out? Maybe he had really just passed out, dreamt it and it was all just some sick twisted nightmare?

When James pulled his hand in front of him and there was a thick patch of hair innocently resting in his palm, he held back a sob. No, it wasn't a dream, it really happened. James couldn't take it anymore.

Frantically, the boy tore open the cabinets in the bathroom. Tossing new rolls of toilet paper, razors and unopened packages of soap around, searching for the item he lusted so much for.

"Come on, come on, where is it," He silently chanted to himself, shifting his focus to the cabinet above the toilet.

"There!" He exclaimed grabbing the sought after tool into his hand.

James stared at the device. It's sleek black form never seemed so menacing to him before, but James knew he had to do this. He knew if he didn't, he would just fear every strand falling from his scalp. He'd never allow it. He had to do it himself.

James flipped the switch and the electric razor in his hand began to loudly buss and vibrate in his grasp. The vibrations made his arms feel like jello in his weakened state. James stared at the mirror, taking one final glance at his beautiful locks of hair for the last time. He slowly began to lift his arms up, bringing the razor to his scalp.

But he couldn't.

James could not lift his arms above his shoulders. The razor was too heavy, his arms too weakened from the cancer and chemotherapy. Defeated, he put his arms to his side and turned the razor off.

James sat on the toilet and buried his face into his hands. If only Kendall were here. He longed for his best friends gentle touch and caring demeanor. He always made James feel strong, feel brave. He wished he had his voice in his ear, encouraging him that he could do it. Kendall was always there for him, telling him he could do anything he put his mind to, anything was possible...if only Kendall were there. James picked his head up and stared at the razor.

James knew what he had to do.

Silently as to not awaken the entire household, James limped his way downstairs to the living room where Kendall was peacefully sleeping on the couch. James strode over to the blonde's side and sat beside him on the couch.

"Kendall," James started quietly. He felt bad asking him for help, but it needed to be done.

"Kendall, _please_ wake up," Gently he shook his friends shoulder earning a groan.

"Hmm what?" Kendall's eyes fluttered open, meeting the bashful gaze from James.

"James, you okay?" He asked immediately sitting up.

"Um, yeah. It's just.." He trailed off standing back up and rubbing the back of his neck.

"What is it James?" James took a deep breath and handed the razor to Kendall.

"Could you...could you please help me? I can't do it on my own, it's too...it's too heavy for me." James looked down at his feet. He felt embarrassed that he couldn't hold up a freaking electric razor, it couldn't weigh more than two pounds. Kendall smiled at his friend and tilted his chin up.

"Hey, look at me, of course I'll help you, buddy." James smiled shyly at Kendall before Kendall hooked arms with him, gently leading him back upstairs to their bathroom.

"Go ahead and sit on the toilet, James." James nodded and sat down. Kendall turned to James and kneeled in front of him.

"You _were_ crying earlier, weren't you?" James simply nodded.

"Does..does this have anything to do with why you were crying? The razor, I mean?" Again, James nodded.

"It's coming out Kendall. Huge chunks, they just come right out..." James laced his fingers through his hair and gave one firm tug, demonstrating how easily the hair follicles tug right out of place. The corners of Kendalls lips turn downward into a sad frown.

"I...I won't watch that happen, Kendall. I'd rather just get rid of it all now. I can't watch it just...just die." James's voice was so broken and it killed Kendall to hear it. There were tears gently flowing down James' concave cheeks.

"Shh, hey, it's okay. But, are you sure you want to do this?" Kendall asked quietly. James closed his eyes and blew out a breath he had been holding.

"Positive." Kendall nodded and patted his friends back.

Kendall held the razor up and switched it on. Slowly he raised it to James' head, and painstakingly dragged it down the length of his scalp. James' eyes fluttered open and watched as his locks of hair fell to the ground. Kendall repeated the process again, dragging the razor from right above James' left ear all the way to the back of his head. He continued until half of the hair was gone. James watched every strand fall. With each tuft of hair that dropped, he felt his heart ache. He was so distressed at the loss of his hair, but he knew it had to be done.

Kendall switched sides and began shaving from the top of James' right ear, dragging the razor to the back of his scalp. He noted the tears in James' eyes and paused.

"You doing okay?" He asked. James sniffled and looked up at his friend.

"Yeah, I'm okay...just, keep going." Kendall nodded and continued to shave.

The bathroom floor was littered with hair at James' feet. So much beautiful hair, once on his head was laying in a disheveled heap on the ground. James couldn't bare to watch it any longer. He clenched his eyes shut and inhaled deeply allowing air to fill his lungs. He then exhaled slowly, trying to calm his racing heart. As each follicle of hair fell he felt upset, but at the same time he couldn't be more proud of himself.

His hair was his most highly valued item, he cherished it. Each strand like his own personal precious jewel. Losing his hair was like losing a battle. In his mind if he allowed it to just fall out, it was like he was allowing the cancer to take over. However, cutting his hair in James' mind symbolized hope. Shaving his hair it felt like a burden was being lifted off his shoulders. Now he wouldn't have to let the cancer steal his hair away, he took it away himself. And for that, James was proud of himself.

"All done, James." Kendall's voice cut through the thick silence of the room. Only after he spoke did James realize that the buzzing of the razor had ceased. Slowly he opened his eyes, meeting the soft smile of his friend.

"H-how does it look?" James asked softly, horrified of the answer. Kendall just smiled.

"Actually, believe it or not it looks pretty good. Take a look for yourself," Kendall gently wrapped his arms around James' back and helped him to his feet. James placed the palms of his hands against the sink and peered up, gazing into the mirror.

It was him. A sickly, thin frail and now bald version of him, but him none the less. James smiled softly as tears brimmed his eyes. He held his hand above his head, running his finger tips over the very short stubbly hairs. James couldn't remember the last time he had short hair, it was a new feeling to him. It felt strange, he couldn't even think of anything to compare it to other than...different. But James knew that change was good. And he was just glad he had a nice shaped head. James' hand dropped to his side and he turned, facing his best friend.

James smiled wide, wrapping his arms around Kendall in a warm and tight embrace.

"Thank you, Kendall." James' tears gently fell down his cheeks in a warm salty trail. Kendall smiled and rubbed his friends back, cooing softly to him.

"Anytime buddy, you know I'll always be here for you. For anything. I love you, man." Kendall kissed James' temple and pulled away from the embrace.

"Now, I think you should finally go to sleep, okay? You've had a really tough day." James nodded. He was completely drained from the events of the day, both emotionally and physically. His hip throbbed from earlier, his head was spinning from the loud buzz of the razor and he just overall felt very weak and tired. He hadn't even noticed he was falling asleep until Kendall pulled him into his arms bridal style.

"Come on sleepy head, lets get you to bed big guy." James closed his eyes and nuzzled into Kendall's shoulder quickly falling asleep. Kendall smiled down sadly at James, gently laying his slumbering frame down on the bed. He pulled the thick warm comforter up and wrapped it snugly around James' torso and shoulders, bringing it all the way up to his neck. He looked peaceful while he slept.

Kendall kissed James' forehead then made his way to the bedroom door. He opened the door and stole one final glance at his best friend.

"We need you buddy. Please, get better. I love you, good night...please get well _soon_."

_**_**_

_**Ending A/N- So, did I do ok guys? Did ya like it, did ya hate it? Did it make you cry, did it make you wanna smack me across the face with an octopuss? PLEASE let me know! Please Read, Review, and enjoy! :) xoxo **_


End file.
